What A Happy Home In Love Is (Thrive In Your Relationships: Pt.2)


Have you ever wondered what a healthy marriage or a healthy relationship consists of? Is sex important in a relationship? Is he/she cheating on me because were not having sex? How come he’s not communicating with me? How come she’s not as attentive to me as she used to be? Should I choose a partner for love? Should I choose a partner that my social circles approve of? Should I choose a partner who helps me meet my goals? These questions often race through our minds whether were single or in a committed relationship. They differ based on the circumstances ; however it’s clear that we all crave to love and be loved.

There are times we focus so much on success because love doesn’t work out for us. In the back of our minds were still thinking about the day I meet my future husband or the day I meet my future wife. We sometimes try to erase that ever happening from our minds because we still haven’t healed from our past broken hearts or we haven’t let go of past love. How can we move forwards if we can’t let go? In the end everybody just wants to be happy. Everyone just wants to be comforted. Everyone wants to end up saying I found my soul-mate.

In the dating phase. Everything is perfect. In the first few years of dating everything is perfect. In the first few years of marriage. Everything is perfect. This is what I would call the honeymoon phase where everyone wants to win their lovers heart or show to themselves they are capable of great love. Once the honeymoon phase is over. We always tend to remind ourselves how it was, and we try to hold on to those memories instead of realize we might be drifting a part from our partner or the person we’ve committed the rest of our lives to.

It’s not anyone else’s place to tell us how to have a perfect relationship. None of us came from the exact same upbringing, and none of us came from the the exact same life experience. That’s what makes us all unique and in the end we need to find a partner who complements with the person that we ourselves are. It’s important to know ourselves and to be happy with our own choices. In the end. Who lives with the results of our choices? We do.

We often look up to couples like Jay Z and Beyonce and how they’re able to keep it together with so much success. We often look at couples who are leaders and trophy couples. They might be our pastors. It might be the president and his first lady. A lot of people praise the former president Obama and his former first lady Michelle for their marriage. It might be the prime minister and his first lady. We see them as perfect because they achieve success as a married couple.

In the end we all crave the picture perfect painting and we make it into reality. Step back and remember that they also started somewhere. They started as a human being just like you and your partner. It takes time to grow together in love. It doesn’t happen over night. So lower the expectations and instead develop goals to grow together as a couple. It is goal setting that makes unions stronger especially when both couples decide together how to balance eachother to achieve them.

A lot of times romances starts to fade away because people are finally comfortable in their relationships. It’s important to always make your lover feel like best friend in a way. Any time you allow someone else to be your lovers best friend. You’re allowing them to know you’re not gonna be there when you need them and they’re not gonna be there when they need you. Having a friendship is so important so that you can discuss your needs that change and  respect your partners needs. A lot of times that affairs take place. It is due to lack of affection and lack of attention. It is also due to unmet needs. Be eachothers friend before being eachothers lover so that when you’re eachothers lover. It’s beautiful. Lovers tend to hurt eachother, but friends tend to always find empathy with eachother. It allows the doors for communication to stay open.

Don’t expect your lover to think like you and act like you. It turns into a competition instead of into growth. Men and women think differently. Allow your lover to play their role in the relationship that you both decided and agreed upon depending on what type of relationship you have. It’s important to find a balance and structure. Spend quality time together doing things that remind you your both still in love with each-other. Never ever stop dating each-other. Make it fun. Try new things. Find ways to grow and to bond.

As for your sex life. A happy couple should be having sex approximately 3 times a week even after years of marriage for about 20 minutes on average. Anywhere from 3 – 13 minutes of sex, and 5-15 minutes of foreplay. Don’t ever make your spouse feel like they’re just your friend. It creates feelings of rejection and insecurity. Men are indeed more sensitive than women. Women show their sensitivity more often. Men are insecure too.

Men fall for women visually. Women fall for men mentally. Men make your wives feel respected. Women make your husbands feel appreciated. Do simple things for your significant other. Foreplay also starts in how you treat eachother during the day. How couples treat each-other during the day also defines how they end up treating each-other in the bedroom.

Happy marriage. Happy life. It won’t be easy. It won’t be perfect. It will be two imperfect people creating perfect balance. Yes, happy marital couples exist. They focus on their own relationships instead of comparing their relationships to everyone else’s. Be that couple. Your significant other should be your favourite work of art. Study your significant other. Learn his / her levels and learn how to bring out the best in your soul-mate and in return hopefully they complement you the same way.

Irene Mielke

Irene H. Mielke (born May 21) is a writer (ie. content writer, blogger, poet, song writer, ghost writer, soon-to-be-author). She can write just about anything. Her first poem was published in the local Ottawa newspaper at the age of 12. She has had her article featured in a Toronto magazine a few years ago. She has also won top articles for her writing pieces twice. Irene is Canadian. Her roots are of mixed heritages. Irene’s origin consists of German and Indigenous descent. Irene struggled in her teenage years and as a result became a high school drop out. Those were some difficult times. She couch surfed, lived with roommates, and so on. She sometimes slept outside while trying to go to school. It was these experiences that humbled her early in life. She eventually graduated high-school with top grades and went on to pursue higher goals. She loves to read and support others in becoming the best version of themselves. She also loves to go the gym and her favourite sport is soccer.