A lot of times women who can’t find a man are following what I like to refer to as MEDIOCRITY! They’re following their friends, looking at the husbands and boyfriends of their friends, and thinking they’re not good enough as long as they end up with a man like that and often end up chasing UNAVAILABLE MEN. This path is failure and creates self-heartache. They end up falling in love with UNAVAILABLE MEN.
Finding a boyfriend or a man to have sex with you is easy. Everyone wants what comes easy, but find a KING… that takes self work, that takes growth, that takes healing, that takes a transformation. That takes finding the best version of yourself.
I wrote myself a letter to my FUTURE HUSBAND. It goes like this:
I’m not what you’re used to.
My father instilled into me a strength of character. My mother instilled into me a golden heart.
I’m so empathetic you’ll accuse me of ulterior motives and your perspectives are based on your environments and experiences and have nothing to do with me.
Hurt people hurt people and in my life I crave only peace so go find healing before you come to interrupt my focus.
I’m surrounded by people who love me and I don’t need your validation. I’m not afraid to walk away from disrespect because I respect me first. If that hurts your pride … Then I’m sorry for your broken heart but life is a process and maybe I need to break yours to help you evolve into the man God wants you to be. Go transform. You show me what I lost by becoming a better man integrity, humility, remorse. Putting women in my face , making me jealous turns me off because my loyalty is hard to come by. So walk away…there’s the door. I don’t chase disrespect. I chase peace.
But if you choose to stay…tell me your goals, your ambitions, your values, and own why your past relationships failed without blaming the women. Tell me what you learned from your mistakes. Tell me your plan to change them and why my life would be better with you than without you and if you can’t show me your scars…please walk away. I can’t be a team with someone who can’t be real.
I could be like everyone else seeking a man just to have someone, but I know my worth in God. So I choose to set you free while I find myself until I get where God wants me and the man has no second guesses I’m his! You’ll never know if you’re ready…nobody is ever ready…but unless you see me as the woman you’re willing to rise up to my standards and lead then I gotta let you go… And if you can’t understand everything I just said. I won’t make the mistake of marrying you… Because marriage is sacred, the ultimate commitment you make in front of God and not one I’ll take lightly. I rather help you grow than choose you before you’re ready to make that commitment.
I guess you clicked on this for wisdom on how to fool a man into a marriage you don’t want to stay in. I still haven’t found my husband. I think the best advice I can give you or any single woman is fall back in love with yourself, heal yourself, transform into the authentic woman you want to attract a real man. Once you build it your husband will be there. That’s the wisdom that was given to me by married people who are successful!
“You need to fix your hair!”
“I’m going to pay for you to have brand name clothes.”
“You need a hair cut.”
“If you love me cut your hair like this, so I can take you out in public.”
It was extremely insulting, and I was extremely offended.
He thought that treating me like this was his way of feeling secure in our relationship. If I listened, if I was submissive than I was worth keeping. I decided to take off all my nice clothes and wear clothes from the thrift shop. I decided to take off all my make-up and embrace my natural beauty. He stopped trying to control me once he realized I was confident in my natural self. To me: he was the one not secure in himself and wanted me to be his trophy girlfriend.
Any time a man tries to change you – being a submissive woman is not the solution. He may turn out to be happy, but you won’t be. In the end that man is testing if he can manipulate you or not. Often these men will cheat on you if you listen to them. They want you to be confused stuck in the thought process of: “I did all this for you to like me….why don’t you like me anymore?”
It’s how they gain power over you. The second they have power over you ; they’re free to have their cake and eat it too. This is a red flag. No woman with value even gives those men the time of day and if she does he will devalue her as someone to cheat on. Don’t even respond to men like that. Not worth it. What will hurt them is the fact you found better and didn’t want them either and that’s exactly what men like this deserve.
It is the fact that I learned to read through games that has stopped me from jumping into relationships.
How does she now conform?
I see the make-up upon her face ; her head that stares in space.
I just don’t think most people like my personality. I’m overly friendly. I don’t compromise much. They like me as long as they don’t fall in love with me. When they realize I won’t change for them ; they hate me! Truly free spirited and fall in love with bettering humanity instead!
People want to know they’re special and I treat everyone as special period! I just can’t see myself with a man who ain’t my friend in the long haul. To me love and best friend are the same thing. You will hurt the person you love, but you won’t hurt your best friend. You’ll work it out. To me respect is everything. Respect and honesty.
It hurts me to see the girls men I loved in my past have replaced me with. I feel like the world wants me to see women who took my ex from me as a bad person. How can a woman take an ex from me if a man was never committed to me to begin with, and that’s why he decided to cheat on me? People cheat because they don’t feel committed. They feel that they can still find better. Clearly, the man cheated because he thought those girls were better. I guess I can call them empty women and women who did their best to destroy my family and what I should rightfully of called mine and married into. The crazy part is they accepted the fact that they were more able to relate to a broken man than a whole man. Why can’t I do the same? In the end everything happens for a reason.
Yes, in the end my ex will probably put those women through the same things he put me through. Just like if I end up with a divorced or separated man – chances are he will put me through the same things he put his wife through. Why couldn’t my ex fix it with me? Why couldn’t those husbands who move on fix it with their wives? Sometimes in life people just move forwards and it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. It’s peoples idea of what a perfect picture looks like that makes them think that if it works out for you it will ruin their own perception of what happiness is. Since when is it somebody’s business how somebody else chooses to live?
Divorce is part of life.
I speak on marriages both the good side and dark side of it. I don’t need to be married to see both sides. If somebody is not happy in their relationship or marriage. They’re going to find a reason to hate me simply because they’re not happy, and I’ve stayed true to myself. Happy people do not try to hurt others or make up others characters just to protect themselves. People who need a self defense mechanism do. On the other side of toxic marriages and people who married for the wrong reasons there are of course so many wives who married their husbands for the right reasons. These wives are in happy marriages. They’re women who empower other women. They don’t seek out praise or validation. They live and let live because they have faith and trust in their husbands.
Dramatic relationships are very unhealthy. A 40 year old woman should not be being dramatic. When a woman becomes dramatic other women notice her husband simply because she makes it obvious that her husband is not treating her well which enables him to play a victim using her, and other women think they’re coming to rescue her well he fights for them the same way he refuses to fight for her. Some men want a second chance at love and to get it right the second time through. Women do not come into a mans relationship because they’re jealous or can’t have a woman’s man. They come into his relationship because the wife is telling the world she owns the husband, and the husband is basically telling all those women to save him. He often ends up in infidelity and sleeping with them. However, sometimes he realizes they’re no different than his wife and after cheating, and guilt takes over and he pretends to be a Samaritan and fights to save the marriage. So many women tell girls to leave their cheating boyfriends ; yet condone them when they chase married men who are apparently better. It’s the hypocrisy that nobody listens to.
If women were honest they’d admit they settled with cheating husbands, and worked through their marriage. So who are they to judge a woman who forgives her cheating boyfriend? That’s the problem they do. That’s why women believe all they’re worth sometimes is married men who appear to be the full package. A lot of women have misplaced their feminine energy and started carrying around masculine energy. When looking for a lover be careful about choosing a man just because of the lifestyle the man can provide you. Straight up, you’re telling the man that you’re a gold digger and it’s basically a business relationship. Now when you marry that man in that way. You can’t blame a gold digger for not respecting you when a woman learns that’s the reason you’re with your husband. Like attracts to like.
That man likes you both for the same reason and before marriage he went in a triangle with you, and now after marriage he will go back and fourth between the mistress and the wife. He will only want to be around you both in the phases that feel like a honey moon and constantly avoid you until you stay in that honey moon phase where he knows he has power over you and the upper hand. As women, we really need to stop putting each-other down. A man who has a problem with infidelity will always be happy to see both women in a fight because it makes his cheating that much easier for him. In the end you’re both still losing because the whole time you all are fighting. He is usually looking for a woman who knows nothing about either of you, and that woman is the real threat to the relationship. He will probably fall in love with that one.
People who love and support this drama do it because they want to feel better about their own demons too. You women often complain about what you can’t be and why your life never gets better. All of these things are excuses to not admit your own poor choices in a man, your own poor choices in a husband. Everything is in your mindset. If you think you can find a rich man and use him for a lifestyle to get validation and that somehow things will get better. Well that’s the lifestyle your life will magnify around. The reality is the only thing that will be better is the drama you attract will multiply. How are you going to weather the storm when it multiplies?
In your younger years you’re always looking for that fairy-tale, that once in a life-time, that soul-mate, that happily ever-after.
….and then he leaves you dry, leaves you hanging by a thread, leaves you heart broken, leaves you in tears.
You think your the rocks at the bottom, and you’ll never find a happy ending, and life will never get better. You get desperate and the first guy who gives you attention is the guy that you settle for. You signed up for this life, and you fight to keep it. You want validation you can keep a relationship. You want validation you can keep a marriage.
Pretty soon – the honeymoon phase is over. Even married, you’re back to square one. How did this happen? You question if he’s faithful to you. You question if you need marriage counseling. You question if you can save this marriage? He no longer disappears and ghosts you and you gotta fight for him to prove that you’re the one he should choose. Now he drifts away on vactions without you, and instead of fighting for him, you already know he chose you, so you’re yelling at him for cheating on you.
Quick Question: Why was this not a problem before you married him, but now it’s a problem because you married him?
The first thing to do is be honest with yourself. In dating you know that: “Most men aren’t going to give you closure, and that’s something as a woman you’ve gotta give yourself permission to do…move on without it!” You gave yourself that permission back then, but now that he’s your husband you can’t give yourself that permission. You thought you were smart back then when you won him from the other women he had his eyes on, but now that you have him. He only fed your ego. The real deal wasn’t a prize. You think you’ve become more mature, but instead you’re drowning in your own poor choices.
You wish you listened to all the women you thought were jealous of you, instead you cared more that they validated you even if you married him for the wrong reasons. Now here you are married to a man for one reason: “To Share Bills.” You’re aware the divorce rate is around 50% and that scares you. You wonder if he has a mistress. You can’t even trust your own friends around him. You spy on him. You do everything to turn him off. Now he is checking out. You’ve become his regret. He wants to feel alive again.
As much as I should take your marriage seriously. I don’t. You will come up with all types of reasons for why I don’t.
“Oh she wants my man.”
“Oh she’s jealous.”
“Oh she can’t find a man.”
No, I don’t take your marriage seriously for something much more simpler than that.
“People take you as seriously as you take yourself.”
You didn’t taking picking a husband seriously. So, it’s hard to take you seriously. Now your husband is straying. You’ve painted him out to be a villain, but you forget the part he’s sharing with the other women. The part where he met you. The part where you hurt your friend to have him. The part where you took him from his girlfriend to win the ring. Everyone reaps what they sow, and what you reaped was karma. You knew from day one you weren’t marrying into love, but you were marrying into a competition. Now you finally feel how you made her feel, and now you want the mistress to feel what you made another woman feel.
In general most people want what they can’t have. There was a time you wanted your husband because you couldn’t have him. Understand, that’s why he’s able to cheat because it’s the only love he’s comfortable with. The way you got him is the same way the mistress is able to get him. That’s why you hate her. She’s a reflection of who used to be. You still got the ring, and he might leave you, and she might get the ring too. This is what makes married men so attractive to women.
She only sees he treats you good because that’s what you show the public as your facade. Once upon a time you only saw that he treated the girlfriend good because that’s what she showed the public as a facade. You didn’t see her broken heart of how he was cheating on her with you. You didn’t see her broken heart of how she loved him so much but he was desperate for somebody to fix him. Well, now you’re the wife and you think he owes you something because he chose you. Your mad at the mistress because she doesn’t see that you deal with the bills, the pain, and the abuse. She’s out here getting the romance, the gifts, and the dates, everything that you think you deserve. In reality what you give out is what you get back. If you wanted that type of a husband. You probably should of been honest from day one about loyalty. But you spent years of your life putting those women down for your own pride.
Now your dragging your husband off to therapy trying to hide the marital affairs and convince yourself you can work together to heal what’s broken. In reality your trust for him will never be the same, and nor was it ever there to begin with. Only your pride was. I wish I could say I respect you for being his wife. I don’t respect you because you’re staying and helping a man hurt another woman the same way you hurt another woman to win him when your marriage started. I wish I could tell you I hope you get a divorce. I instead want to show you how patterns repeat themselves. It takes some people their whole lives to become that honest with themselves. So many people are broken not because their husband started cheating. They’re broken because they chose a man to fix so they don’t have to heal their own demons, and then their demons intertwined into a love affair and that’s why their marriages are toxic.
Now your husband wants out because he finally regrets his past and how he hurt other women with his marriage, and he’s either looking for the honeymoon version of you in everyone else, or he’s looking for the girl who got away. You get back in a mate the standards you put on yourself. You get back in a mate how honest you’re willing to be about yourself and your feelings with your mate. Sometimes you yourself are keeping the past around and making your husband feel insecure, other times you’re letting him control you just to prove that you love him. The one thing you’re not doing is being true to who you are yet you’re expecting him to figure it out when what you want is something different than what he wanted. Now you’re blaming it on miscommunication but if you didn’t marry him you’d be honest that it was a poor choice in a mate.
You now sit there envying the woman you once bullied for not being married all those years you spent in inner pain. Some day may you learn to:
LOVE enough to LET GO
Love enough to RESPECT.
Love enough to Appreciate.
In the end were all figuring our way out in this blessing / curse we called life. It is both a blessing and a curse because there are times of happiness and there are times of sadness. Sometimes were going to be up, and sometimes were going to be down. When were up…we should never be so high and almighty we forget what it’s like to be down. When were down…we should never be so negative that we burden people as if were not appreciating their efforts. Everything goes back to our attitudes in each circumstances. God can give and God can take. In the end….Stay Humble. We all reap what we sow.
You fell in love with a man or you married a man who is acting distant from you, and you’ve tried everything, and he still doesn’t want to communicate with you? If it’s so bad and you’re in a rough patch and you know you messed up. You should probably write your man a letter explaining how he’s your rock, and how you failed to appreciate him when he needed you to be his. A lot of relationships fall a part because you’re putting expectations on him, but you’re forgetting how much he did for you to begin with, and that now it’s your turn to be his rock. A lot of you think love stays how it is in the honemoon phase when actually if you all were lying and acting to get eachother to the bedroom in the beginning. It changes.
Love is work. Love is effort. Love is appreciation. Love is not “I” and love is not “You.” Love is “We” as in “we need eachother.” Until you understand that, you might be a good flirt, you might be somebody easy to sleep with, but you haven’t quite mastered what it means to be marriage material. Men have huge egos and as women we have to understand how to feed them. I know when a woman and a man are in a fight. Often the man feels like he’s been emasculated. If you emasculate a man. He’s going to be upset. He’s going to be resentful towards you. That is one part of a man you should never destroy. Relationships go downhill when you do, and it doesn’t matter the man.
It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are on the outside. In the end it’s how beautiful you’re on the inside. The money you spend on your nails. The money you spend on your hair. That’s all money your man is trying to invest into paying on the house that you’re failing to appreciate. A mans natural duty is a protector and a provider. You can focus on making yourself look good for him, and putting on make-up for hours. In the end most men prefer to see their woman naturally. Statistically proven men marry the woman that they are with when they’re socially ready to get married ; not because it’s the woman they’re in love with. The main reason a man gets married is companionship / friendship. The divorce rate is at 50% for first time marriages, and goes up every marriage after. You chose marriage and you chose a committed relationship. Now you gotta study your partner until you have a degree on them.
One way to turn a man or a woman on is through scents. I believe Vanilla and Lavender are the top scents to use according to experts. I for one am a straight user of Lavender when it comes to male seduction. I will light Lavender candles, wear lavender lotion, but I will never tell the man that’s what I’m doing. In the end sex is part of bonding. A man who feels wanted ends up bonding with you. I also love oils, and I love massages. You can study tantra. The best type of romance is when you’re both down with that. Aromas can set the mood when you feel like you’re drifting a part from your partner like a magic potion. The problem is you might be so hurt, and your man or your husband might not understand why you’re so turned off by him at this moment.
If you choose to leave because you feel that there is better out there for you. You need to grow from your mistakes. Love will find you when it finds you. Sometimes love has always been in front of you but because it was respectful love you saw it as rejection and passed it up for attention. Learn to understand the power of patience and Gods love. Don’t ever be in a rush to fight for something god showed you isn’t for you just because others praise you. There is no need for a fake applause on your life. You got one life to get love right and hopefully your desire is to get your marriage right. Somewhere in the world is a man GOD is growing into your perfect king. When you understand the power of GOD. You understand the duty of growth. Only when GOD says it’s time is it ever time. The rest is settling for mediocrity. Beautiful love is worth waiting for especially when you know how beautiful a person you’re in your heart. Don’t let somebody break you when you’ve healed yourself to be whole!
“I’m living like Cinderella…Prince Charming come find me.” I tell myself that daily. I want to give you advice on how to move on from your ex, but how can I, when I still got lost in my ex? I know he’s not coming back for a relationship and the only thing he has to offer me is a situation-ship. Yet I crave it. Yet I crave him. Yet, I hate the drama, but at the same time I’m addicted to it. I guess he’s my choice of a drug. I’d tell everyone else how toxic and unhealthy it is, but when it comes to myself. All I want is to be in passionate madness with him.
My emotions are taking over my logic. Where is my common sense?
I know that: “What’s meant to be will always be, and what’s not meant to be will never be.”
Sometimes in life you can love somebody who is gone, you can stay loyal to somebody who is not there. It’s like you’ve become afraid of happiness, and you’ve settled with mediocrity believing there is no such thing as a happy ending. I guess that’s where I am. How do you heal from the pain? How do you move past the broken heart?
I know I need to accept that the past is gone. I know I need to grow from this experience, and some day be on a page where I can empathize with others in the same situation. I’m in this healing process, and well I am. I got people making up my lifestyle, and it hurts. I’m not dating at all, at night when I turn off the lights. I still go to bed alone.
I meet new men sometimes and they seem like a catch, but in reality they’re just potentials. I don’t know them past the facade. Am I afraid to take a leap of faith? Is my own fear stopping me from loving them? Those are some justifications I’ve heard for why we find a place in our growth process where we no longer let love in. In reality as I’ve healed from the past….my standards in a man have increased. I look at a man now, and I’ve grown and I realize I’m not on his level of games anymore.
“Why do you want to run back and sleep with your ex then?”
It’s simple my ex is my last memory. Memories don’t just fade. A lot of times people find a rebound and block out their ex. I’m not blocking my ex out. I’m facing the heartache and facing the heartache is forcing me to heal it. If I were to jump into a new relationship right now. I’d just carry the baggage with him over to that relationship before it’s healed.
The length of a relationship means absolutely nothing on how healthy a couple is together even if that couple is married. Sometimes it just means two people who share the same demons who find comfort in being toxic together. My bible says: “Don’t covet.” You have no clue what lies behind the mask of the picture that is being portrayed. Just breathe. Just live life. I think that when you meet the person you think you’re destined to be with it’s important to be: “Friends first.”
This way you can study them like your favourite piece of artwork and make sure that you complement each-other well. I think it’s important to accept that the person you match with may have a past, but if you have a past too….why does their past matter? Court eachother. If you can relate there’s a chance you’re both in a stage of maturity and can help eachother climb into the next chapter of life. All of life is a growth process. A man is going to change for a woman he truly wants and not because she is fixing him, but because he knows she’s the best he has ever found, and he does it freely. He will fear losing her. Sometimes you and your ex are going to drift a part and maybe in the future meet again. Life is a journey. You just gotta ride the waves of it.
I grew up in the faith, but out of all my siblings. I’m pretty much one of the few who stuck in the faith which is pretty ironic.
I discovered freedom away from the faith and even after the freedom. I still returned to the faith.
I’m a praying woman. I think that when you’ve experienced the faith, and the falling from grace. It opens your eyes to see yourself more than others, and you’re more likely to open the door to a non religious person, but once they don’t understand your values. Conflicts arise.
I also think when you open the door to a religious person, they can’t accept the part in your story where you weren’t saved, and often want to change you. I don’t mean just change you. I literally mean change everything about you and make you forget who you are because every part of your story is a part of you period.
It’s a whole contradiction of a way to live.
I will fall in love with who I fall in love with and if you’ve followed my journey to love. You would be shocked to know the type of men I fall for.
Everything you expect from me is everything I’m not. I fall in love for what’s on the inside. ❤️❤️❤️
I don’t believe religion and spirituality has anything to do with it. I don’t fall in love with a man for his walk with God. I fall in love with a man because he sees what’s on the inside. ❤️❤️❤️
The rest is a challenge, but all relationships are a challenge.
It says in the Bible that the two should be equally yolked and in marriage become one flesh. So, I understand how Christians will judge me for my answer.
However, I never once ran around saying: “I’m saved”….nor did I ever feel that church was the best place to find a man.” I think some of the best actors go to church.
There are so many unrealistic expectations people hold me to when they see I read the Bible or go to church or whatever else I do.
I think people misunderstand how humble a person I truly am. I just like reading everyone’s assumptions because I don’t put myself out in a way that says “You have to like me!” I’m actually surprised when people still do.
I think people expect me to be married or something too, and then I’m not, and they wonder why I can’t keep a man.
It’s all these expectations people put on us for how we should be. When they can’t figure it out. They make it up.
I’m just me human…..and I can’t help who I fall in love with even if the rest of the world doesn’t agree with it.
The fact of the matter is some of us are gonna be Angelina Jolie falling for married men unexpectedly and play the second wife, some of us are going to be Michelle Obama the smart girl who married the geek and ended up the president’s wife struggling with infertility as she wrote in her book. Some of us are going to be Hillary Clinton, went to college with our husband who practically cheats on us our whole marriage but we stick with him regardless if the alleged rumours are true. Some of us are going to be Melania not looking for the spotlight just being ourselves and hoping to find a fairytale being a man’s young third wife and a first lady. You get my drift. Nobody plans it. The older you get the more you realize the fairytale doesn’t exist.
I mean we can all live in fantasy with how perfect we all are but in reality this is life. I don’t know who I’ll end up with….maybe the next pastor…maybe your husband. Just being honest.
I’m tired of explaining to people why I’m single. I’m single because I had a poor taste in men. I chose men I thought I could fix rather than men who were right for me. I wasn’t confident in myself yet. I was selfish and I didn’t know how to forgive. I thought about myself and not about the fact that it was my decision to date broken men. I dated men who broke me down with them. I take full responsibility for my choices. It takes two to tango.
I am single because I continued on in those destructive patterns until I turned my life back to God. I am no longer in a place of hurt, resentment, or frustration towards the past I can’t change.
I’m more in a place of forgiveness and compassion because I understand how much God has intervened in my life, and how much people in my past still need him to intervene in theirs. I feel that I often wanted to live Godly with Ungodly men, and it never worked out. In the end I would compromise myself, and they would not understand me. We’d clash until we’d break up. It took forgiving myself for my choices to forgive those who hurt me in them. In the end – I made those choices.
I made a choice to love men I knew weren’t ready for love. I made the choice to set a bad example of what love is to those who look up to me and follow me. I failed so many people with my choices in my past. I still rather get up from my falls in life humbly.
I also failed myself.
Today, I’m single because I learned what LOVE is, and I don’t covet anybody else’s definition of love. I understand that we all have our own authentic story to find, to hold, and to blossom. It’s up to GOD who I end up with.
I’m single because I have other priorities and the best form of healing is not looking for love but looking for yourself and who you’re in GOD. I truly believe that when were obedient to GOD first. He comes to bless us with his promises we never saw coming. Looking for love can sometimes just be lust. However, when you do the right things to be loyal to yourself well you’re single – you eventually attract into your life exactly what you are.
We often settle in love because we won’t change ourselves. I learned that and I changed that in myself. If you attract the wrong type of love to you – there is something in you that’s attracting it. I learned that LOVE isn’t the end goal.
We often fall in love with the idea of a person or the idea of love. We forget to fall in love with the person as a whole. We forget to comprehend love as a whole.
Love is an ingredient that GOD decides to give us when he decides were ready for it. Before GOD gives us a YES… we need to learn to accept his NO.
I would rather be with a husband I can allow to feel special than be with a husband who wonders constantly if I’m still in love with my ex. Once I realized that – it became so important to me to learn how to self-love. You can’t give in love love that you haven’t already given to yourself. Broken people break each-other into destructive love patterns.
I’m single because I believe that marriage is truly sacred, and I don’t want to experiment with it for a piece of paper that means nothing except for in Facebook pictures to look like a power couple. I want love that’s real and true.
Patience is a virtue. Blessings come to those who wait!
There are many good people that I might find myself attracted to. Just because somebody appears good doesn’t mean they’re good for me. We can make all the lists in the world on what a good man or a good woman is. In the end it has to fit with who we are and the goals we have in our future.
In the end our mind and heart will still go to war and one of them will always win out. I hope that I end up married to a man my father taught me to look for because the values that are instilled into us are the ones we should carry because our parents always want what’s best for us.