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Every Mother Should Be Happy Today

Being a mother is a wonderful thing. It is always my wish that all mothers everywhere are having a great day on mothers day. For me, the day is usually one I called a blessing. Plus May is an important time for me because it is my birth month.

It’s good that mothers are appreciated for at least one day of the year because mothers do so much for everyone in their lives the rest of the year.

Well, below is a quick selfie video I made for mothers day a while back but wanted to share it with you here on my blog. The message is as true today as when I first recorded it.

To all the moms out there: Stay strong and know you are worth it!

This is a longer piece I wrote about the impact of my mom on me. You should check it out!

Vulnerable

I’m always confused with my feelings. I want to do the right thing, but somehow I always end up doing the wrong thing. I believe in healing but I’m always torn between what’s in my heart, and what’s the right thing to do.

I can’t seem to win ever. Everything always seems like a lose / lose situation. I just want to be the daughter my father raised, but then I want to find my own happiness. I hate feeling like I don’t respect people it just makes me feel bad. I start to feel guilty. I sometimes give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I start to blame myself for things that aren’t my fault.

Like a man leaving and me falling in love.

I am always in love and people tell me that it’s not right. It’s like they know what’s right for me better than I do. I get so exhausted trying to live up to everybody sometimes. Sometimes I just want to be free and be happy and be me. I hate giving people false hope for things that I don’t think will last. So I walk away. I walk away every time. I break my own heart every time.

I just wish someone fought for me back to rescue me. I have to learn sometimes to speak more positively because positive words of affirmation go a long way.

Addicted to him: Pleasure Island

 I don’t know if any of you men or women ever felt so trapped in love as if the man or the woman was your choice of drug. It didn’t matter how many times you tried to leave because of the toxic basis of the relationship – you couldn’t. This is about that exactly. It’s a poem that speaks on how easily we confuse lust and sex with love. We convince ourselves certain feelings like those butterflies are love.

 

 This is about being addicted to someone who cheats on you. Desiring somebody who takes advantage of your good heart, and knows that no matter what they do you’re the main one to them. Why do they have that much power over you? They know that you will always come back because you allow them to treat you like that.  They will always find a way to hold on to you.

 

 It’s the kind of love that makes you lose yourself, and hurt. It’s the kind of love that makes you hate yourself. It’s the kind of love that makes you allow others to hate you because well you’re in it you feel afraid of people. You allow the bad stuff about yourself to become what you believe ; even if it’s not true. You become protective of your heart, and people target you.

 

 You need to be stronger than that, and you need to let go…..

 

 It takes some people years to get out of these bad cycles where they’ve been made to look like the bad one. You don’t have to live like that anymore. You don’t need to keep seeing everyone as the same because there are bullies in this world who don’t understand what you’re going through, and those are the voices you hear.  Shame on those people

 

  There are good people out there who won’t let that define you, and will show you your worth again. They will stand by you, and teach you how to love yourself again. You don’t need to be peoples target anymore. From this day forward no matter what you’re going through – start looking up! Fight those demons off of you. Show them they can’t control you. The people who couldn’t see who you are, well it’s their loss. As long as you know you. That’s all that really matters. People deserve to see you for who you really are ; not the way you’ve let others define you for so long. You deserve that for yourself too.

 

 

Well this poem speaks to that. Just know if you’ve been in this situation you’re not alone. I hope this poem speaks to you.  It’s one of my deepest poems I ever wrote.

 

Pleasure Island

By, Irene

I’m so blinded by your fantasy.

I’m stranded on your Island.

I can’t break myself free.

Here I feel so much pleasure.

I think I’m in paradise.

A slave that thinks you’re a treasure.

Who am I? How did I get here?

I’m digging deep into the ground.

I’m like a missing person.

Am I in a human lost-and-found?

Seems I’ve lost myself in you.

Your love I try so hard to resist.

But for some reason I’m feigning it.

My friends don’t know I still exist.

I’m grabbing at your hand.

Slowly I feel myself sinking.

I’m burying myself deeper

You stop me from thinking.

You’re letting me fall.

I’m losing my breath – still fighting.

I’m fighting for you.

I see a flash of lightening.

You want it to strike me.

I can hear your friends cheering, I can hear you mocking.

You got me under your spell.

This shouldn’t be shocking.

I got faith in you, well you leave me in this storm.

I know you’ve done this before.

It’s like a music video that keeps playing on repeat.

Then I still keep coming back for more.

I’m so foolish, it’s humiliating.

I can feel the strangers evil stares.

Then you pull me up as if you saved me.

You leave me there lying.

I’m like a helpless bird without wings.

I feel so crippled tied up in chains.

There you go again promising me things.

You got me on this guilt trip.

If I hold unto you just a little longer.

You’ll give me what I want.

If I act a just a little stronger.

I’m stuck in this rain.

Believing you love me.

All I feel is severe pain.

Then you’re off on your Hawaiin Cruise.

You’re living a double life.

You have no fear of what you will lose.

You trapped me on your Pleasure Island.

I want you so bad, but I’m not okay.

So I’ve been building this boat,

I want to finally sail away.

Find out what’s out there for me.

I’m in jail here.

I will break free from your chains.

I won’t stay in fear.

I will hold unto faith.

Life can seem so unfair.

I will hold unto God.

God answers prayer.

The world doesn’t truly know me.

I’m like a locked up princess.

At war with people trying to steal away my rights.

I won’t be your mistress.

Someday my prince will come.

The world can be so cruel when you’re loyal, loving, and kind.

I just keep dreaming and dreaming.

To distract myself and ease my mind.

The bad ones always seem to get it all,

Being manipulative, and putting on an act.

They can have you so fooled, making the great ones fall.

But I’ll get back up and I’ll win.

You have me so wrong.

I shouldn’t be your prisioner.

I’m so courageous. I’m strong.

I can survive cruelty and broken hearts.

I can do it without seeking revenge or spite.

I have hope and I see a brighter tomorrow.

I take out my candle to light.

I have so many tears now.

They keep falling from my eyes.

Can’t you see it? I care for you.

You’re so scared from my cries.

You try to flip it on me acting all tough.

As If I’m the shallow person.

Baby, don’t you know I’ve had it rough?

You like to see me suffer.

You think that I would hurt you.

Baby, don’t you know that I wouldn’t?

I’m not like you.

My heart is too soft.

You love when I’m hurting.

You love having power.

You’re always out flirting.

It gives you justification.

It allows you to believe I’m just crazy.

Your ego takes over.

Then you forget about me.

You’re too proud to care.

I’m stuck in this misery.

I cry for help and noone hears.

Slowly my love is fading.

I’m starting to give up.

I’m so done with my persuading.

I just want to smile again.

I miss when I used to smile.

I miss when I knew who I was.

You make me suicidal.

I feel empty here.

I’m packing my stuff and I’m ready to leave.

Then there you are again.

I’m so tired of feeling deceived.

I won’t be blinded by you.

Then you pull me back and kiss me by surprise.

I’m trapped again.

You start talking about the future as you look into my eyes.

I can’t escape.

Then I give into your temptation.

Tune out the pain in my heart.

I can’t run away from your sensation.

I feel so trapped on your Pleasure Island.

You blind me.

Let me go.

Don’t touch me.

I’m shouting now!

I don’t want to hurt you like you did me.

I need to avoid you.

I need to be free.

Now the tables are turned.

I’m walking away…..

I’m tuning you out.

I hear you begging me to stay.

I won’t let another man steal my identity.

You found out you had a good woman too late.

Maybe you should of got to know her,

Instead of judged her by her heartache.

It’s your turn to cry.

I still wish you happiness.

Now it’s my turn to say Goodbye.

A woman of Virtue

When people look at me sometimes all they see is…
a girl who is happy,
a girl who has everything,
and a girl who has conquered every demon.
 They don’t see me playing a victim.
I have a forgiving and unconditionally loving heart in a world where most people are conditional. A lot of people do not find that normal. I feel like everything we achieve in life we have to work for it through dignity.
 I can’t stand abuse, and I’m not blind to it.  I will always speak up to it to help victims. I think people want to shut that part of me up. I feel like (hopefully) because I speak up people have the courage to walk away from abusive situations. I don’t mind standing alone and being the voice for the voiceless.
 I believe in saving lives and defending and empowering other women and educating them on why things happen. I don’t believe that marriage is always a solution. I’m not one who cares if people disagree with my opinions or the fact I’d rather not write stuff towards having the image life everybody so desperately wants. I’m used to criticism and I am a stronger woman because of it. Society can be cruel when you walk away from toxic situation-ships rather than settle and compromise just for others to like you.
 I often speak up and write about topics that others don’t want to hear because they want to hear the fantasy. I want to share with others reality. I can’t promise that everything I write will make you feel good about yourself. It will help guide you into a better person though when you reflect your own situation through my honesty.
Some people will love me for it, and others will hate me for it.
 I think as young girls and women who are single. We need to stop feeding into society. All those images we see can’t even compare to what we still have to offer a good man. I think every female deserves that long-haul. Both my older sisters waited on GODS timing and are both in happy marriages. I believe it’s so important to stay a woman of value. I once dated a man who tried to degrade me and it was extremely painful.
He would say things like:

“You need to fix your hair!”

“I’m going to pay for you to have brand name clothes.”

“You need a hair cut.”

“If you love me cut your hair like this, so I can take you out in public.”

It was extremely insulting, and I was extremely offended.

He thought that treating me like this was his way of feeling secure in our relationship. If I listened, if I was submissive than I was worth keeping. I decided to take off all my nice clothes and wear clothes from the thrift shop. I decided to take off all my make-up and embrace my natural beauty. He stopped trying to control me once he realized I was confident in my natural self. To me: he was the one not secure in himself and wanted me to be his trophy girlfriend.

Any time a man tries to change you – being a submissive woman is not the solution. He may turn out to be happy, but you won’t be. In the end that man is testing if he can manipulate you or not. Often these men will cheat on you if you listen to them. They want you to be confused stuck in the thought process of: “I did all this for you to like me….why don’t you like me anymore?”

It’s how they gain power over you. The second they have power over you ; they’re free to have their cake and eat it too. This is a red flag.  No woman with value even gives those men the time of day and if she does he will devalue her as someone to cheat on. Don’t even respond to men like that. Not worth it. What will hurt them is the fact you found better and didn’t want them either and that’s exactly what men like this deserve.

It is the fact that I learned to read through games that has stopped me from jumping into relationships.

Love Vs. Lust

 In my early days of dating. I didn’t really look for a specific man. I looked for attention over respect. I’d go on a coffee date with anyone. I felt I was open-minded ; rather than shallow. To me it was friendship. It was innocent. It was pure. I was just being genuine. I’m friendly, and polite. Now as I’ve matured from those days ; I’m not really into dating unless a man meets my requirements.
 Sadly, most men do not get married based on love and do not marry the one they love. Infidelity is common enough in marriages. Most people settle. Most people bluff. People want a lifestyle, and will compromise for it to share bills. I do not believe just because a marriage is in place that a commitment has been established, and that is most peoples mistakes. They run with the wind without reading the contract they’re signing. Image oriented society. That is the road I was almost headed down, thankfully I was able to see the red-flags ahead of time.
 I think it’s better to wait, and most so called married people now will finally end up divorced when their children grow up because…
A. They’re in it for the image
B. They’re lonely
C. infidelity
 It happens more often than most ever want to admit because GOD forbid we stop looking up to them, and their family portrait. Ego is that powerful. A lot of times young women look for love in all the wrong places. It’s normal to look up to those who are older than us, and want to impress them. I think you should go into every relationship stating what you want, and the other person is either working with you or against you. You will know by how they reciprocate the love you’re showing them. Don’t try to force somebody into a lifestyle they don’t want and vice versa. It is a waste of time for both of you. What’s for you will always be for you, and you’re going to end up missing your blessing caught up in a future you don’t really want. Let it go! Time is not the reason to jump into a fire of hopeless devotion. Your requirements are, and finding someone who can meet them. The bible never said to lower your standards.
Love Vs. Lust
by, Irene
I see an angel ; her face so angelic.
Glowing personality so awesome.
Valuable like an antique relic.
Heart so lovable like a cherry blossom.
Her attractiveness beautiful like a flower.
Allowing herself to be his eye-candy.
Giving him all of her power.
Pleasing him because he’s dandy.
Her mind filled up with naivety.
Her analytic ways causing her misery.
Never any trust ; just lust.
Blissfulness confusing her ; making her convince herself it’s love.
She gives in too fast, starts feeling too deep,
a mess she can’t get out of.
All her friends warned her ; she didn’t listen.
All she sees in the lenses is the blur.
She still sees him glisten.
This is her brand new start.
This man is not in this for her heart.
Only sex to fulfill his lust – for him it becomes a must.
She gives into temptation ; forgetting about God’s plan for salvation.
In fear he might cheat ; rather than trusting Jesus to help her defeat.
She becomes used to this. It’s him she begins to miss.
She gave him that precious gift.
Her sweetness becomes anger – he drifts.
He’s marked his name ; all the hurt it’s her he blames.
He’s vexed ; he’s onto the next.
She’s hurt ; he’s abused her kindness.
Now he’s putting her down for her blindness.
In her life he slowly fades away ; she becomes part of his yesterday.
The warning signs were always there.
Her anger is because she started to care.
All the love has now turned into war.
How does she let go and soar?
He used to make her feel like a precious rose ; now she’s a hideous dandelion.
She feels like ugly black crows ; instead of believing she belongs to zion.
Her heart is so warm ; she’s still trying.
Tears like a waterfall she begins crying.
She lacks self-assurance ; she’s given up on endurance.
She used to go with the flow – where oh where did her faith go?
She’s conditioned herself to expect pain.
Her history taught her only rain.
Instead of looking for the sun ; she looks for the storm.

How does she now conform?

I see the make-up upon her face ; her head that stares in space.

Neglecting her duty ; she covers up her natural beauty.
She longs to be loved ; she stands alone in the distance.
Retaliation becomes her persistence.
She wants to be left alone – she waits by the phone.
Strong opinions she holds ; pain so deep she never unfolds.
People judge without knowing where she’s been.
Her mistakes give them an excuse ; a reason to be mean.
A reason to think they’re better.
Her pain like cuts hidden underneath a sweater.
She tries to turn her life around ; instead of help – they put her down.
She runs back to what she knows – where she glows.
She doesn’t understand love. She doesn’t understand trust.
She doesn’t understand God above. She only understood lust.
Why do people judge instead of show true love?
Life is now like a game ; society has made this world a shame.
No woman on earth deserves to be treated like a mistress.
Each and every last one deserves to be somebody’s princess!
She spent her life dreaming of the romance scenes.
Each and every last one deserves to be somebody’s queen.
If God never gave up on us ; why are we so quick to give up on them?
Why do we judge without helping people heal?
Shouldn’t we stop and think – if we were them –
How would we feel?
Now to the women who are married ; stop hurting these women. They need your guidance not your judgment. Sometimes you’re mad at them because you remember how you were when you were young. Now your sex life in your marriage has stopped and you fear them taking your place. They don’t want your place. They want to believe that they’re worth love, and having the same love that you found.
 Sometimes as women we have an unhealthy attitude towards sex. This attitude has to do with our experience with men, and the fact we didn’t always make good choices in them. Sometimes women treat the one they love for every man in the past who hurt them. Just like a young woman has to find healing to learn what love is and to stop confusing lust with love. A married woman needs to learn how sex can heal a marriage.
 Sex is powerful both negatively and positively. When a marriage is broken and you start taking away sex and using it as punishment towards your husband you’re hurting him. You’re basically telling your man that you don’t love him. I’m telling you as women we don’t realize how manipulative our actions can feel and then we wonder why men start cheating. We blame younger women who want what we have because were no longer valuing it. There is nothing more appealing to a man than when he feels wanted. Make sure you always make your man feel wanted. When you don’t the king in him leaves, and the fool in him returns.

 

 

 

Finding A Man

I seem to break a lot of hearts. People tend to judge books by covers they haven’t even read.
 When dating a new man. I often see that were mismatched early on. I have a list of reasons for them for why were not good together. There is never any drama involved. I don’t believe in giving men false hope or fake promises. I believe in carrying around the standards of a wife even if I’m not yet a wife. The thing is when you learn to dodge men you know you’ll never see in your future. A lot of times they will try to show you what you lost with the next woman in hopes that will still fight for them. Two years later – they often apologize and realize you were just a woman of standards.
It’s hard to find love when your problems aren’t the problems of most women. You understand that a lot of marriages happened because two people got together because they needed to share bills. Once you understand that you don’t rush into it. A lot of people bluff. A lot of people will tell you how happy they are together, and a lot of people will hate you because you can’t stand the false persona of fake relationships. People who pretend to be happy, but are actually unhappy and wish they would leave their relationships / marriages. It’s offensive when you begin to learn how many married folks lie, and you wish they would give honest advice instead of leading you to their misery.
 My friend told me: “Irene, you had a longer relationship than most peoples marriages. You are qualified to give advice.”
 I don’t think I’m any sort of professional or qualified. I think I am just someone who can empathize with others easily. The only thing actually different between me and married folks is the piece of paper. I was smart about it. I didn’t set myself up to be stuck. There are many people who wonder if I’ll ever fall in love, why I avoid it, and everything else.
 I don’t even have a type of man I’m attracted to. I’ve met so many men from all different races. If it weren’t for the fact that I  have a past with baggage ; I do think that a lot of men I meet deserve a good woman. I’m far from bitter. It’s just that I feel my respect is towards my family. I know that I have to live a lifestyle where I am a role-model. I choose love based on what’s best for my family unit in general, and sometimes that means not making love a priority.
 It has nothing to do with “THE LIST” of most women.
It has to do with:
“Is he compatible with the life I’m already happy in?”
 “Is he gonna try to change me?”
 “Am I willing to meet him half way?”
 “Will he be a good role-model for my children?”
 It’s more like making sure a man balances with who I already am. I meet great men, but the balance with my original life I have before them isn’t there. I love everybody in general. My personality is literally compatible with everyone.

I just don’t think most people like my personality. I’m overly friendly. I don’t compromise much. They like me as long as they don’t fall in love with me. When they realize I won’t change for them ; they hate me! Truly free spirited and fall in love with bettering humanity instead!

People want to know they’re special and I treat everyone as special period! I just can’t see myself with a man who ain’t my friend in the long haul. To me love and best friend are the same thing. You will hurt the person you love, but you won’t hurt your best friend. You’ll work it out. To me respect is everything. Respect and honesty.

 

Philandering Husbands

  If we don’t have regrets. We haven’t grown from our mistakes. I could never date someone who doesn’t look in a mirror at themselves to admit the part they played in a falling out with somebody else. It takes two to tango. With my luck – I’ll end up with a divorced man or a separated man. I know right – definitely not my first dream.  It can become a nuisance when that’s the reality you’ve accepted. Celebrities like Alicia Keys and Steve Harvey and his wife have done it and it turned out well for them.
 People will always try to give advice like: “Oh you’ll be hurt if you’re a mans rebound.”
 I think that’s craziness. I think what I’ll actually be is on the same page as a man for once. I think it’s maturity. I recognize my past and the mistakes I made in relationships so it’s easy for me to empathize with a man who made similar mistakes. You can try at love with somebody who comes without a history, but then you also have to realize you yourself have a history. You can only try to move on so much with men who are committed to misunderstanding you. Part of growth is realizing that relationships work when you can both relate period. The rest of the time the relationship can become unbalanced.

 It hurts me to see the girls men I loved in my past have replaced me with. I feel like the world wants me to see women who took my ex from me as a bad person. How can a woman take an ex from me if a man was never committed to me to begin with, and that’s why he decided to cheat on me? People cheat because they don’t feel committed. They feel that they can still find better. Clearly, the man cheated because he thought those girls were better. I guess I can call them empty women and women who did their best to destroy my family and what I should rightfully of called mine and married into. The crazy part is they accepted the fact that they were more able to relate to a broken man than a whole man. Why can’t I do the same? In the end everything happens for a reason.

Yes, in the end my ex will probably put those women through the same things he put me through. Just like if I end up with a divorced or separated man – chances are he will put me through the same things he put his wife through. Why couldn’t my ex fix it with me? Why couldn’t those husbands who move on fix it with their wives? Sometimes in life people just move forwards and it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. It’s peoples idea of what a perfect picture looks like that makes them think that if it works out for you it will ruin their own perception of what happiness is. Since when is it somebody’s business how somebody else chooses to live?

Divorce is part of life.

 There are so many reasons we make up for why a woman would get involved with a man who was committed before. When I look at the girls who choose to be with my ex. I feel bad for them because somewhere in their life I believe they were broken down so much to the point they thought saving a man was love. I feel like he needed a rebound to show me what I lost and he was able to manipulate them to do everything he wanted them to do….and that’s exactly where he wanted them….believing they were his prize because he chose them over the rest.
 The craziest thing is if he loved me – why would he want to marry them? You see it’s my experiences that taught me how so many people end up with cheating husbands. It’s because of my experiences, I realized a lot of men didn’t marry for love but they married to settle into validation. A lot of women fall for the antics of a player because they seek out the same validation thinking they will change him. It is lust and infatuation and obsession but seldom is it love.
 They end up sleeping with him and once they’re addicted to him they get married and sign a paper just to prove a point. In the end – what they are really seeking is attention from everyone else instead of respect from a man. The reason they choose him is because now that that they’re brainwashed by him – other men no longer take them serious. They will always be a reflection of that man. This is their way of saying “I’m loyal,” but the first person they aren’t loyal to is themselves. If a woman is not loyal to herself – why on earth would a woman think she can change a man to be loyal to her? These type of women believe they can through marriage.
 That’s why even when he cheats they constantly run back to him fighting for his love and heart knowing they’re just rebounds from his ex. They lose their sense of self and identity in him. They no longer know who they are, and the man appreciates the power he has over them because he has not yet matured. These women eventually realize he still misses his ex and they feel threatened and want his ex to hurt because they hurt. Once a man has you where he wants you. He will tell you how much you’re not his ex, and how his exes love was so much better, and so many women try to add up to the ex, even knowing from day one  he was playing them and that’s why they’re willing to hurt the woman he loved to win him because they loved the way he treated his ex, but they never got to know him for him until after marriage.
That’s why it’s a red flag when a man talks down on a woman. Usually a man talks down on a woman because she mattered, and if he can get you to feel sorry for him. He knows he can have power over you, and once sex is compromised he knows he can get you to do whatever he wants knowing he will never love you, but you help him keep a perfect image for society. As women we gotta learn to weed these type of dramatic men out. To me it’s understanding that, and understanding that some men made poor choices in their first marriage and rushed into it with women they didn’t want to marry which makes me empathize with them when they mature and realize they need to set their wives free and rewrite their wrongs in the past. If a man leaves his wife or a wife leaves him. I understand it. I also understand that I deserve a second chance at love and so does a divorced man. It’s not right to hold peoples pasts against them just because they failed at their marriage. It’s not necessarily their marriage they failed at. Sometimes they were never fully in the marriage to begin with. It was their need to impress society instead of themselves that they failed at.
 A lot of people will jump to conclusions about your character when you’re honest about these things. You will learn your friends when you voice your opinions on such subjects. They’re the ones who know you for you – not the ones who try to hurt you for who you’re not to feel better about themselves. Sometimes, I can’t believe I was once so immature in my choice in men, and I looked up to women who settled in marriages for an image as mature and women to take advice from. Inner pain is the worst pain you could ever carry. The older I get the more I want less friends, and more love. Friends will try to turn you into who they want you to be. Love will find you when you’ve accepted who you truly are.

 I speak on marriages both the good side and dark side of it. I don’t need to be married to see both sides. If somebody is not happy in their relationship or marriage. They’re going to find a reason to hate me simply because they’re not happy, and I’ve stayed true to myself. Happy people do not try to hurt others or make up others characters just to protect themselves. People who need a self defense mechanism do. On the other side of toxic marriages and people who married for the wrong reasons there are of course so many wives who married their husbands for the right reasons. These wives are in happy marriages. They’re women who empower other women. They don’t seek out praise or validation. They live and let live because they have faith and trust in their husbands.

Dramatic relationships are very unhealthy. A 40 year old woman should not be being dramatic. When a woman becomes dramatic other women notice her husband simply because she makes it obvious that her husband is not treating her well which enables him to play a victim using her, and other women think they’re coming to rescue her well he fights for them the same way he refuses to fight for her. Some men want a second chance at love and to get it right the second time through. Women do not come into a mans relationship because they’re jealous or can’t have a woman’s man. They come into his relationship because the wife is telling the world she owns the husband, and the husband is basically telling all those women to save him. He often ends up in infidelity and sleeping with them. However, sometimes he realizes they’re no different than his wife and after cheating,  and guilt takes over and he pretends to be a Samaritan and fights to save the marriage. So many women tell girls to leave their cheating boyfriends ; yet condone them when they chase married men who are apparently better. It’s the hypocrisy that nobody listens to.

If women were honest they’d admit they settled with cheating husbands, and worked through their marriage. So who are they to judge a woman who forgives her cheating boyfriend? That’s the problem they do. That’s why women believe all they’re worth sometimes is married men who appear to be the full package. A lot of women have misplaced their feminine energy and started carrying around masculine energy. When looking for a lover be careful about choosing a man just because of the lifestyle the man can provide you. Straight up, you’re telling the man that you’re a gold digger and it’s basically a business relationship. Now when you marry that man in that way. You can’t blame a gold digger for not respecting you when a woman learns that’s the reason you’re with your husband. Like attracts to like.

That man likes you both for the same reason and before marriage he went in a triangle with you, and now after marriage he will go back and fourth between the mistress and the wife. He will only want to be around you both in the phases that feel like a honey moon and constantly avoid you until you stay in that honey moon phase where he knows he has power over you and the upper hand. As women, we really need to stop putting each-other down. A man who has a problem with infidelity will always be happy to see both women in a fight because it makes his cheating that much easier for him. In the end you’re both still losing because the whole time you all are fighting. He is usually looking for a woman who knows nothing about either of you, and that woman is the real threat to the relationship. He will probably fall in love with that one.

People who love and support this drama do it because they want to feel better about their own demons too. You women often complain about what you can’t be and why your life never gets better. All of these things are excuses to not admit your own poor choices in a man, your own poor choices in a husband. Everything is in your mindset. If you think you can find a rich man and use him for a lifestyle to get validation and that somehow things will get better. Well that’s the lifestyle your life will magnify around. The reality is the only thing that will be better is the drama you attract will multiply. How are you going to weather the storm when it multiplies?

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian seem to have got their start in the spotlight in a way most people approve of. How many people do you know that get thrust into the spotlight the way that they did and still succeed? They’re both women and have both become empowering people. They both have their own brands. Paris has her own empire.

I first watched Paris on “THE SIMPLE LIFE” and on the show she acted like a dumb blonde, and yet I watched it every day.  I first saw Kim Kardashian in a photo with her sisters, and having a lot of sisters myself I found her interesting. I then started watching her on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.” As much as you don’t like them for their choices or how easily you think they found fame. You stay addicted to watching them. They’re normal people who achieved extraordinary success through their brand and entrepreneurial endeavors.

You can be thrust in the spotlight the wrong way, but that doesn’t mean you can keep it. There are those like Farrah Abraham who haven’t made that turn around. Kim Kardashian is now married to Kanye West and has a beautiful family and is doing well. Paris Hilton is now worth 350 million and has a multi billion dollar empire. Her perfume lines are especially doing well. She seems to be richer than her parents now. The one place they’ve both struggled is in love. Kim got married a few times before she finally found her soulmate in a friend. Paris Hilton still can’t seem to find love.

Either way they’re both empowering as business women. So many of us have dreams to be just like them? Although, we’ll probably never achieve their magnitude of success, and we probably don’t have a family behind us. We can still learn a lot about how they kept pushing forwards despite naysayers and that’s the push factor you need to fly.

Marriage: Communication is key

I think the real issue in the marriage is lack of communication. The husband is afraid of his wife because of her emotional outbursts and doesn’t know how she will react. The wife feels like she’s not attractive enough to her husband anymore. It’s called a dry spell. What do you expect?

What you should do in those situations is become vulnerable. Don’t let your pride and ego get in the way. Love sometimes means to be vulnerable and when you’re both in that space you can discuss your unmet needs and maybe care about resolving them and appreciating each-other again.

It’s like people tend to  create dramatic scenarios and it’s almost no wonder people cheat on them. I know one thing about a man. The day you took him to your pastor/marriage therapist was the same day he started leaving the marriage. I know one thing about women….the day she started cussing you out was the same day she was telling you she needs reassurance again.

Love and hate are both passion. You both gotta learn to communicate better period. All this other stuff is you two growing a part.

The rest dramatic.

Things can resolve with appreciation from the woman, reassurance from the man, effective communication. When you love people ..you don’t find their flaws. You show them their strengths. People change when respect is given and reciprocated. The rest of the time you all might as well go your separate ways. It won’t get better. It will only get better if you see yourself too. Most you all only see your spouse. My sentiments on that.

Marriage: Pornography

In Christianity and churches were taught that porn is the new drug taking over people’s marriages.

In the real world called: “SOCIETY” people say they’d rather their husband watch porn than cheat.

Marriage classes now teach spouses how to re-find intimacy with each-other.

I think the real problem is a lack of communication.

The sex culture we now live in has made people get married based off of lust and infatuation ; rather than love and respect.

Once the hone-moon phase of a relationship or marriage is complete. Insecurities begin to ride the relationships.

What do you all think?

I personally disagree that porn destroys marriages.  I think the husband who struggles with porn addiction is the one who is used to having his sex needs met, and all of a sudden they’re not being met. I think in order to not cheat on his wife he turns to porn. The wife then catches him watching porn runs to the pastor or marital counselor with it and now it’s a big issue.

I personally do agree that porn is inappropriate and destroys lives and some people who get a hold of it turn into Ted Bundy.

To put everyone in the same category as him is extremely delusional. Especially a husband whose trying not to be unfaithful to his wife.

I think you need to analyze the situation in a whole before you jump to conclusions about your partner and his porn addiction.

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