In recent news the singer R. Kelly who is one of the best selling artists of all times has kept making the news due to a docu-series that came out titled: “Surviving R. Kelly.” He has decades of allegations of sexual abuse. He has gone to court a few times, and been found: “Not guilty.” Recently, he was arrested due to these allegations as more and more of his victims come forwards.
He was let out on bail due to a woman who allegedly paid off his bail money. He was arrested again due to an extreme amount of unpaid child support and locked up again. He has no relationship with his children whatsoever, and hasn’t seen them in a long time according to his interview with Gayle King who is Oprahs best friend. Where is his lawyer? Usually lawyers tell you not to do interviews like that when you’re facing those kind of allegations, and dealing with those type of charges.
He currently has two girlfriends living with him who are rather young but of legal age. What on earth does a 52 year old man want with a 21 and a 23 year old? The parents continue to fight to get their daughters back. The daughters seem to be quite brainwashed and seem to want to stay with R. Kelly. Is it R. Kellys fault or is it the parents fault? There has been so much controversy around the topic and the fact that he married Aaliyah when she wasn’t even legally an adult yet. He now awaits his trial as more and more of these victims and their lawyers come forward claiming to have evidence, and it doesn’t do him justice the fact that he owes so much in Child Support. He is apparently broke and unable to pay his child support due to the fact his reputation has been tarnished and he can’t work anymore. The court of the public is not on his side.
We live in a world full of pain, heartache, and tragedy. I empathized with the pain going on around the world. It saddens me that it took this long to shed light on it, and that in 2019 society is still dealing with this type of madness. As a young woman there were a lot of things I questioned.
Years a go I actually wrote a poem regarding situations like this not knowing that R. Kelly would some day be this type of news.
How Selfish Are We Really?
Just before winter, during autumn seasons.
I try to focus on it’s beauty and understand God’s reasons.
High up above in the sky,
above my head – I watch the birds fly.
Down below, all around,
I see colourful leaves fall to the ground.
I’m contemplating God’s reasons for creation.
I’m trying to understand his purpose for salvation.
Then I’m thinking about time,
the past mistakes I’ve made, hoping I’ll pass the climb.
How I’m wishing I could rewind,
So many unanswered questions racing through my mind.
Why did the LORD create us? Why did the Lord make us?
Born into sin we all are.
Desiring to own a big house, desiring to drive a fancy car.
Unworthy of the king – we show him no grace.
Still, God gave us this world, made it a beautiful place.
You don’t believe it?
Then you’re naive about it!
If you get a chance.
Just look at the pictures of France.
Google the tourist places of Paris.
These are landmarks the world does cherish.
Why do people tell us to smile when there’s hurt all around?
Some hurt too painful. Silence where there should be sound.
Strong individuals battling with aids. Over the decades,
you’d think things would change.
Still like a statue, it remains the same.
Were selfish, we think about ourselves, forget about them, and we have no shame.
We see home after home being torn a part, just broken.
Children who are left wondering if they’re to blame as a token.
Adults not being strong enough to fight to stay together.
Parents quitting because of what they selfishly think is right, forgetting they made vows of forever.
Teen suicides are increasing – Not enough ceasing.
Instead the world cares more to focus on the gossip of Kevin and Britney.
Instead the world wants to know who else is as talented as Whitney?
There’s a girl living like Cinderella living on minimum wage with her mop.
Stop re-victimizing victims like the pain is their fault.
Why do you only want to live for an applause?
Look around there’s children being abused.
Beat up, nobody cares that they’re being left with memories of how they were bruised.
People are getting raped.
The world’s too caught up to help them escape.
Inside these people are in pain ; stuck with wounds they can’t heal.
You say it’s not true because they won’t make an appeal?
Well, Shut Up for a second, and put yourself in their place.
Pretend to be them, and then try showing your face.
Try talking about the pain that took years for you to talk about.
Stand up in front of that court, and why don’t you just shout it out!
Let your story be heard ; meanwhile they put it on the news.
For the whole world to know how you were used.
Tabloids just want to gossip ; you’re humiliated now right?
So don’t talk shit because silently they battle the fight!
Do you have fears – maybe thunder?
Ever think about the pressure these victims are under?
Now you’re donating to charities thinking it’s enough.
You’re forgetting these peoples stories ; money can’t buy them love.
You could give them a one-hundred dollar bill.
You could donate them all your stuff in your unwritten will.
That will never take back their pain.
Just a donation won’t stop the rain.
Why don’t we want to face it,
just because were not the ones who embrace it?
Their pain they go through every day.
Instead of helping them – we stray…far far away.
Extremely selfish, and paranoid. We all hide.
We complain about the little things like the cold.
We fear the future like we’ll never make it – never grow old.
When we look outside we see so much devastation.
Even when our problems our small ; we show no appreciation.
How did the world get this way?
I’m sure you’ll come up with some cliche.
Change starts with us ; we need to own up to our own imperfectons.
We need to focus on our future in a new direction.
Together : may we unite as one?
God didn’t give us a life to make it fun.
God gave us hardships to test our faith, and make us strong.
He didn’t put his people on this earth to belong.
That’s why many were called ; few were chosen.
How come when were called to be a witness – were frozen?
My heart has always been huge and I always questioned people in positions of power. I always questioned if they were in it for the right reasons. I was never attracted to the outside of someone, but there are many people who are. It’s so easy for someone to prey on the most vulnerable when they have that type of power.
We need to find a way to come together, support each-other, support victims, uplift eachother, and spread love. We need to help eachother heal. We need to educate each-other.
My prayers are with all those who are suffering, and dealing with things they’re unable to heal from. I pray they find the strength to rise above all the odds, and to be success stories despite all the obstacles that were thrown at them.
In your younger years you’re always looking for that fairy-tale, that once in a life-time, that soul-mate, that happily ever-after.
….and then he leaves you dry, leaves you hanging by a thread, leaves you heart broken, leaves you in tears.
You think your the rocks at the bottom, and you’ll never find a happy ending, and life will never get better. You get desperate and the first guy who gives you attention is the guy that you settle for. You signed up for this life, and you fight to keep it. You want validation you can keep a relationship. You want validation you can keep a marriage.
Pretty soon – the honeymoon phase is over. Even married, you’re back to square one. How did this happen? You question if he’s faithful to you. You question if you need marriage counseling. You question if you can save this marriage? He no longer disappears and ghosts you and you gotta fight for him to prove that you’re the one he should choose. Now he drifts away on vactions without you, and instead of fighting for him, you already know he chose you, so you’re yelling at him for cheating on you.
Quick Question: Why was this not a problem before you married him, but now it’s a problem because you married him?
The first thing to do is be honest with yourself. In dating you know that: “Most men aren’t going to give you closure, and that’s something as a woman you’ve gotta give yourself permission to do…move on without it!” You gave yourself that permission back then, but now that he’s your husband you can’t give yourself that permission. You thought you were smart back then when you won him from the other women he had his eyes on, but now that you have him. He only fed your ego. The real deal wasn’t a prize. You think you’ve become more mature, but instead you’re drowning in your own poor choices.
You wish you listened to all the women you thought were jealous of you, instead you cared more that they validated you even if you married him for the wrong reasons. Now here you are married to a man for one reason: “To Share Bills.” You’re aware the divorce rate is around 50% and that scares you. You wonder if he has a mistress. You can’t even trust your own friends around him. You spy on him. You do everything to turn him off. Now he is checking out. You’ve become his regret. He wants to feel alive again.
As much as I should take your marriage seriously. I don’t. You will come up with all types of reasons for why I don’t.
“Oh she wants my man.”
“Oh she’s jealous.”
“Oh she can’t find a man.”
No, I don’t take your marriage seriously for something much more simpler than that.
“People take you as seriously as you take yourself.”
You didn’t taking picking a husband seriously. So, it’s hard to take you seriously. Now your husband is straying. You’ve painted him out to be a villain, but you forget the part he’s sharing with the other women. The part where he met you. The part where you hurt your friend to have him. The part where you took him from his girlfriend to win the ring. Everyone reaps what they sow, and what you reaped was karma. You knew from day one you weren’t marrying into love, but you were marrying into a competition. Now you finally feel how you made her feel, and now you want the mistress to feel what you made another woman feel.
In general most people want what they can’t have. There was a time you wanted your husband because you couldn’t have him. Understand, that’s why he’s able to cheat because it’s the only love he’s comfortable with. The way you got him is the same way the mistress is able to get him. That’s why you hate her. She’s a reflection of who used to be. You still got the ring, and he might leave you, and she might get the ring too. This is what makes married men so attractive to women.
She only sees he treats you good because that’s what you show the public as your facade. Once upon a time you only saw that he treated the girlfriend good because that’s what she showed the public as a facade. You didn’t see her broken heart of how he was cheating on her with you. You didn’t see her broken heart of how she loved him so much but he was desperate for somebody to fix him. Well, now you’re the wife and you think he owes you something because he chose you. Your mad at the mistress because she doesn’t see that you deal with the bills, the pain, and the abuse. She’s out here getting the romance, the gifts, and the dates, everything that you think you deserve. In reality what you give out is what you get back. If you wanted that type of a husband. You probably should of been honest from day one about loyalty. But you spent years of your life putting those women down for your own pride.
Now your dragging your husband off to therapy trying to hide the marital affairs and convince yourself you can work together to heal what’s broken. In reality your trust for him will never be the same, and nor was it ever there to begin with. Only your pride was. I wish I could say I respect you for being his wife. I don’t respect you because you’re staying and helping a man hurt another woman the same way you hurt another woman to win him when your marriage started. I wish I could tell you I hope you get a divorce. I instead want to show you how patterns repeat themselves. It takes some people their whole lives to become that honest with themselves. So many people are broken not because their husband started cheating. They’re broken because they chose a man to fix so they don’t have to heal their own demons, and then their demons intertwined into a love affair and that’s why their marriages are toxic.
Now your husband wants out because he finally regrets his past and how he hurt other women with his marriage, and he’s either looking for the honeymoon version of you in everyone else, or he’s looking for the girl who got away. You get back in a mate the standards you put on yourself. You get back in a mate how honest you’re willing to be about yourself and your feelings with your mate. Sometimes you yourself are keeping the past around and making your husband feel insecure, other times you’re letting him control you just to prove that you love him. The one thing you’re not doing is being true to who you are yet you’re expecting him to figure it out when what you want is something different than what he wanted. Now you’re blaming it on miscommunication but if you didn’t marry him you’d be honest that it was a poor choice in a mate.
You now sit there envying the woman you once bullied for not being married all those years you spent in inner pain. Some day may you learn to:
LOVE enough to LET GO
Love enough to RESPECT.
Love enough to Appreciate.
In the end were all figuring our way out in this blessing / curse we called life. It is both a blessing and a curse because there are times of happiness and there are times of sadness. Sometimes were going to be up, and sometimes were going to be down. When were up…we should never be so high and almighty we forget what it’s like to be down. When were down…we should never be so negative that we burden people as if were not appreciating their efforts. Everything goes back to our attitudes in each circumstances. God can give and God can take. In the end….Stay Humble. We all reap what we sow.
I have seen more blackmail in churches when someone speaks up against a pastor than anywhere else, and if you actually take the time to research it. Pastors are more likely to fall into a marital affair than any other type of man, and they’ve gotten away with it for far too long.
Why is this?
I’ve come up with some reasons this may be.
#1. They’re respected as special privileged men of god rather than seen as human beings.
#2. They’re often counselors as well as pastors and people go to them with all their private lives.
#3. They’re able to say they have a meeting with a parishioner and go to peoples homes in private and be trusted that it’s just the Lord’s work.
Anytime you see a pastor being friends with young women. You should question it. The bible is very clear on being men of integrity when leading other’s in Christ. Now, we have marital pastors working as teams, and they often cover up for each-others shadiness.
Stop trusting people just because they hold the title: PASTOR!!!
Pastors in today’s culture often behave more like celebrities of their denominations rather than men of GOD. If you really sat in a church meeting and truly took the time to understand how the church organization is trained and functions. You would know that most of them could care less about God. They care about their pay-check like every average other man. They’re human period ; only worse because they have a platform to abuse their position of power regularly.
Many pastors carry on secret affairs and the ones who do are usually the ones you believe are happily married. It is a lifestyle like everything else, and many pastors are broken thinking they can heal the world. The first person the majority of them never healed was themselves.
You fell in love with a man or you married a man who is acting distant from you, and you’ve tried everything, and he still doesn’t want to communicate with you? If it’s so bad and you’re in a rough patch and you know you messed up. You should probably write your man a letter explaining how he’s your rock, and how you failed to appreciate him when he needed you to be his. A lot of relationships fall a part because you’re putting expectations on him, but you’re forgetting how much he did for you to begin with, and that now it’s your turn to be his rock. A lot of you think love stays how it is in the honemoon phase when actually if you all were lying and acting to get eachother to the bedroom in the beginning. It changes.
Love is work. Love is effort. Love is appreciation. Love is not “I” and love is not “You.” Love is “We” as in “we need eachother.” Until you understand that, you might be a good flirt, you might be somebody easy to sleep with, but you haven’t quite mastered what it means to be marriage material. Men have huge egos and as women we have to understand how to feed them. I know when a woman and a man are in a fight. Often the man feels like he’s been emasculated. If you emasculate a man. He’s going to be upset. He’s going to be resentful towards you. That is one part of a man you should never destroy. Relationships go downhill when you do, and it doesn’t matter the man.
It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are on the outside. In the end it’s how beautiful you’re on the inside. The money you spend on your nails. The money you spend on your hair. That’s all money your man is trying to invest into paying on the house that you’re failing to appreciate. A mans natural duty is a protector and a provider. You can focus on making yourself look good for him, and putting on make-up for hours. In the end most men prefer to see their woman naturally. Statistically proven men marry the woman that they are with when they’re socially ready to get married ; not because it’s the woman they’re in love with. The main reason a man gets married is companionship / friendship. The divorce rate is at 50% for first time marriages, and goes up every marriage after. You chose marriage and you chose a committed relationship. Now you gotta study your partner until you have a degree on them.
One way to turn a man or a woman on is through scents. I believe Vanilla and Lavender are the top scents to use according to experts. I for one am a straight user of Lavender when it comes to male seduction. I will light Lavender candles, wear lavender lotion, but I will never tell the man that’s what I’m doing. In the end sex is part of bonding. A man who feels wanted ends up bonding with you. I also love oils, and I love massages. You can study tantra. The best type of romance is when you’re both down with that. Aromas can set the mood when you feel like you’re drifting a part from your partner like a magic potion. The problem is you might be so hurt, and your man or your husband might not understand why you’re so turned off by him at this moment.
If you choose to leave because you feel that there is better out there for you. You need to grow from your mistakes. Love will find you when it finds you. Sometimes love has always been in front of you but because it was respectful love you saw it as rejection and passed it up for attention. Learn to understand the power of patience and Gods love. Don’t ever be in a rush to fight for something god showed you isn’t for you just because others praise you. There is no need for a fake applause on your life. You got one life to get love right and hopefully your desire is to get your marriage right. Somewhere in the world is a man GOD is growing into your perfect king. When you understand the power of GOD. You understand the duty of growth. Only when GOD says it’s time is it ever time. The rest is settling for mediocrity. Beautiful love is worth waiting for especially when you know how beautiful a person you’re in your heart. Don’t let somebody break you when you’ve healed yourself to be whole!
It’s painful knowing the only way I can speak to my mom now is through journals. It’s devastating knowing I will never see her smile or hear her voice again. I’ve kept myself so busy so that I don’t have to think about the fact I no longer have a mom. We all think our moms will be with us until were 50. I lost my mom at the age of 30. My youngest brother lost his mom at the age of 20. He’s only 20. I not only have to be strong for myself but for my siblings too. Everybody is hurting. Our mother used to always tell us every day how much she loved us.
As I went to her final memorial service that was held here. I met so many people that genuinely loved my mom from the deepest parts of their hearts. I try so hard not to think about it and focus on other things. I sat in the room filled with people who knew my mom for over 30 years. I watched elderly men crying. I have never seen so many tears in elderly mens eyes. I watched mothers torn like they lost my mother as a mother too. I saw all the unconditional love that surrounded my mom.
The tears were so much for me to bear around me because I did not want to cry again. I still felt to give them all a hug because I knew they were finally processing what I spent all week processing and still can’t come to terms with. I know my mother saw them all as her family too. My mother never had a real family growing up. She was part of the 60’s scoops movement. She only met her family as an adult. I think we need to speak up more on those topics. To me we were all family in the room that day related by blood or not.
It really touched my heart to see all the people who loved our mom. Those people were near and dear to my mom ; therefore they’re near and dear to us. It was very hard for my mom when all her children grew up into adulthood. She never let any of us go. All I wanted to do was give each and every last person a hug for giving her a place she could smile. I know they all miss her as much as we do. My mom treated everyone like her family period.
This was one of my letters I wrote to my mom that I wish I could give her but can only hope she’s reading it from heaven. One of the ladies told me to picture my mom upstairs in heaven in a purple robe. One of the men told me we all go somewhere after we die.. and we’ll all meet again in heaven. My mom really role-modeled the right way to live to me. She taught me to have compassion for all people.
You’re my strength that pulls me through each difficult day. You’re my courage that makes me believe in a brighter day. You’re my hero when the world is against me. You’re my rock when I need a shoulder to cry on.
May I always be a fighter like you? May I always have a heart of gold like you? May I always have a unconditional loving heart with forgiveness for all people like you? XOXO.
I wish you were still here to see the gift my brother and I were working on for your birthday. At least you saw us start.
I wish you were here to see everything my siblings and I are trying to do in honour of your memory and the mark you left upon our lives.
I know you smile down on us from heaven now.
I usually have a Easter Dinner on the Sunday to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ in the form of a feast. I usually spend Good Friday in reflection mode respecting the story of the crucifixion of Jesus. I’ve spent so many Easter Long weekends in church for as long as I can remember. It’s the story of Jesus and what he did on the cross that is recognized in Christianity as the greatest love of all. I’ve learned through it how to be humble even when life starts to crumble.
I think the story of the cross is a valuable one even if you’re not into Christianity. It teaches many valuable principles. I always feel like Easter is a time for me to build a closer relationship with Jesus, and realize what’s important in life.
I know were all excited for this long weekend. The majority of people are preparing for Easter Egg Hunts with their children, celebrating the Easter Bunny, Going on trips, and eating lots of chocolates. I’ve done all that too. I’ve also participated in trick-or-treating and parties on Halloween although it wasn’t really part of my Christian upbringing. I’ve been on my own faith journey.
I think we all go through a different growth process in our walk with Jesus, and in the end it’s for God to judge. I admire people like Mother Teresa. She created a lot of controversy like many of those in the christian faith. She also built a legacy of what it means to be humble.
Here is my reflection on what it means to be a Christian taken out of my diary:
As a christian. This world is your battleground. You are a warrior for GOD. You are a soldier in a army (God’s army.) You are defeating an even bigger army (Satan’s army.) The earth was cursed by God with sin and death when Eve sinned in the garden of eden. The earth was given to you to tempt you to join the other side. The earth is your temptation to hold onto. The bible was given to be your staff, your sword, and your vessel. Your life was given to be your journey of faith and hope. Your challenge is ministry, and obedience to GOD. Your job is not judgement, but ministry, and prayer. You don’t know whom GOD chose. Sin was created to be so much more fun, and give you an easier life. Standing up for the cross is what you need to do each time sin tempts you. You have no shame in it. If you have a little bit of shame in Jesus, and the cross you must question your intentions. Ask yourself: Why should he have died for you? Answer: He shouldn’t of. Ask yourself: If he died for me… why? Answer: He still did. Answer: Because he is a God of love for those whom he chose.
There are many people who question themselves every day because they understand the cross. They say: “Jesus, why did you choose me, and if you did, why me?”
When you can finally ask yourself that question. You understand salvation is not something to find comfort in. You understand that as Ephesians 2:8-9 says it is a gift and only a gift. You don’t need to put on a show for everyone. You just need them to see through your actions and your words where you stand. You need to stand firm in your faith, and your beliefs. Your salvation remains between you and god – not you and people. Everybody made their mistakes, and everybody sins. Sometimes you will slip, but you have to remember to repent. You have to remember to ask forgiveness not just from GOD, but from those whom you hurt. They may hate you, but you must show respect regardless. People may hurt you, and break your heart. You must show respect regardless. You must set the example. The example Christ set for you.
They may wonder why you’re being so easy on them, and they may laugh. Remember your past, and Jesus died on the cross, and was easy on you. Remember he gave you the gift you didn’t deserve. If people don’t see your attitude. They won’t see your faith. When you fight for GOD, and God’s army. You will get mocked, spat on, laughed at, hated on. In the back of your head you will remain humble always remembering God’s promise.
God’s promise of eternal life, and you will continue to fight for your GOD. If your life is too comfortable. You have stopped fighting. Remember you’re a warrior. When Jesus died on the cross. He died for you so that you could live. So why do you think he would let you have a comfortable life? Get out there and let him lead you exactly where he needs you. He gave his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. His strength is already in you. You must first have faith in yourself so that he can put his faith in you.
Remember, it doesn’t matter who hates you. Critics will always be there. As a christian – you have no time to hate because in your heart you know you already have Jesus.
”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart.” (Psalms 51:17)
I’ve had a busy month working on projects for all sorts of things. I’ve had an emotional month as well. I think having something to keep at the center of your life is so important. I keep Jesus at the center of mine. Happy Easter!!!!
The deepest truth I learned about NARCISSISTS is they expect those that LOVE them to always take the fall for them. If a narcissist encounters shame or failure in their success ; they expect those that LOVE them to always take the blame even when the narcissist knows that they’re in fact guilty. They will humiliate the one they love with their shame and failures through extortion of some sort.
Narcissists often know they have power over all of their victims and everyone will still defend them, and believe that the victim is the abuser. That’s why so often nobody sees the abuser as the abuser. They believe the victim is the abuser.
The victim of a NARCISSIST will often react in such a way that makes them look crazy because of an EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT where the victim trusted the narcissist with their deepest secrets, and studied their every weakness. How could an abuser know their victim so well, and then just discard them? People feel sorry for the wrong person in most cases.
If the victim gives into the submissive role and takes all the flaws on themselves ; the narcissist will then act in the Savior / good Samaritan role. In the end that’s what people see how much of a Saviour the Narcissist appears to be and they cling to it like a fairy-tale protagonist hero. The narcissist often seems to have a lot of charisma and seems extremely charming. Most people will turn a blind eye to the monster the narcissist really is.
If the victim stands up for themselves. The narcissist fears their deepest secrets being exposed, and quickly discards the victim until they start apologizing or go crazy. The narcissist eventually uses everything that they instigated and runs to their harem to play the victim before the victim even has a chance to speak or defend themselves.
The victim is often left confused, and now the victim is often up against a narcissist and his/her whole harem. Narcissists are the worst type of abusers out there because people believe they’re saviours and victims when they’re the abusers. They twist facts and they manipulate situations into their own favour.
The victim is often forced to praise the narcissist in public so everyone believe the fairy-tale of the narcissist and then gives the narcissist the fuel the narcissist wants to gain more supply for his / her harem.
Eventually the narcissists harem says the victims going back and fourth, but the narcissist isn’t twisting the story. The truth is the Narcissist is blackmailing and manipulating the victim in most cases.
The narcissists harem also says the narcissist isn’t afraid to speak but the victims defending the narcissist so when the victim reacts emotionally the victim is usually made into the monster. See narcissists are excellent manipulators and charmers and most people are so uneducated to the fact they defend abusers every day in their life.
Narcissists are excellent at finding gullible people they can use for their own careers as fuel so it kind of gives all their followers as sense of special. It gives the narcissist a sense of entitlement. Once the narcissist grows a harem so big it’s very easily to create a fantasy life through their harem where everyone does as they say and the narcissist continues to play the role of an actor in life where they are charismatic and giving people who could never do no harm and everyone follows the narcissist like he / she is superior or a GODLIKE creature.
The reality is nobody in the world is that perfect and they’re hiding their flaws and taking it out on those that they love and your happiness is a lot of peoples pain who have to fake a smile every day due to what the narcissist puts them through behind closed doors.
if you too discover the narcissist behind that charming man / woman. You will see what so many people you helped the narcissist abuse have to go through and the only way to heal from it is to get as far away from the narcissist as possible. They will never change. They will just find a new victim to play a Savior too and protect their image.
The problem is the narcissist rarely shows anybody their true colours. You have to be a very educated person who the narcissist feels threatened by in order to realize their true colours. Most of the time people worship the narcissist so the narcissist knows he / she is safe around them because the person will praise their ego and sense of entitlement. Narcissists are nice to anybody who plays their game. They are not nice to anybody who has a sense of individuality.
You might say “Oh I have a sense of individuality around the narcissist. He / she can’t be like that.”
Check yourself again because you’re part of the same group the Narcissist is part of. Narcissists will manipulate anybody out of their group who sees through them. A cold fact you might have to accept is that, no you don’t have a sense of individuality! You’re in the same group the Narcissist is meaning you’re doing for the group not for yourself. You’re not experiencing what the victim is experiencing. That’s not individuality. That’s providing fuel for the narcissist.
I can’t even tell you how many people support these type of abusers every day and have no clue they’re doing it.