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A Letter To Mom

It’s painful knowing the only way I can speak to my mom now is through journals. It’s devastating knowing I will never see her smile or hear her voice again. I’ve kept myself so busy so that I don’t have to think about the fact I no longer have a mom. We all think our moms will be with us until were 50. I lost my mom at the age of 30. My youngest brother lost his mom at the age of 20. He’s only 20. I not only have to be strong for myself but for my siblings too. Everybody is hurting. Our mother used to always tell us every day how much she loved us.

As I went to her final memorial service that was held here. I met so many people that genuinely loved my mom from the deepest parts of their hearts. I try so hard not to think about it and focus on other things. I sat in the room filled with people who knew my mom for over 30 years. I watched elderly men crying. I have never seen so many tears in elderly mens eyes. I watched mothers torn like they lost my mother as a mother too. I saw all the unconditional love that surrounded my mom.

The tears were so much for me to bear around me because I did not want to cry again. I still felt to give them all a hug because I knew they were finally processing what I spent all week processing and still can’t come to terms with. I know my mother saw them all as her family too. My mother never had a real family growing up. She was part of the 60’s scoops movement. She only met her family as an adult. I think we need to speak up more on those topics. To me we were all family in the room that day related by blood or not.

It really touched my heart to see all the people who loved our mom. Those people were near and dear to my mom ; therefore they’re near and dear to us. It was very hard for my mom when all her children grew up into adulthood. She never let any of us go. All I wanted to do was give each and every last person a hug for giving her a place she could smile. I know they all miss her as much as we do. My mom treated everyone like her family period.

This was one of my letters I wrote to my mom that I wish I could give her but can only hope she’s reading it from heaven. One of the ladies told me to picture my mom upstairs in heaven in a purple robe. One of the men told me we all go somewhere after we die.. and we’ll all meet again in heaven. My mom really role-modeled the right way to live to me. She taught me to have compassion for all people.

Dear Mommy,

You’re my strength that pulls me through each difficult day. You’re my courage that makes me believe in a brighter day. You’re my hero when the world is against me. You’re my rock when I need a shoulder to cry on.

May I always be a fighter like you? May I always have a heart of gold like you? May I always have a unconditional loving heart with forgiveness for all people like you? XOXO.

I wish you were still here to see the gift my brother and I were working on for your birthday. At least you saw us start.

I wish you were here to see everything my siblings and I are trying to do in honour of your memory and the mark you left upon our lives.

I know you smile down on us from heaven now.

Love Always,

Your daughter.



Happy Easter : The Cross

I usually have a Easter Dinner on the Sunday to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ in the form of a feast.  I usually spend Good Friday in reflection mode respecting the story of the crucifixion of Jesus. I’ve spent so many Easter Long weekends in church for as long as I can remember. It’s the story of Jesus and what he did on the cross that is recognized in Christianity as the greatest love of all. I’ve learned through it how to be humble even when life starts to crumble.

I think the story of the cross is a valuable one even if you’re not into Christianity. It teaches many valuable principles. I always feel like Easter is a time for me to build a closer relationship with Jesus, and realize what’s important in life.

I know were all excited for this long weekend. The majority of people are preparing for Easter Egg Hunts with their children, celebrating the Easter Bunny, Going on trips, and eating lots of chocolates. I’ve done all that too. I’ve also participated in trick-or-treating and parties on Halloween although it wasn’t really part of my Christian upbringing. I’ve been on my own faith journey.

I think we all go through a different growth process in our walk with Jesus, and in the end it’s for God to judge. I admire people like Mother Teresa. She created a lot of controversy like many of those in the christian faith. She also built a legacy of what it means to be humble.

Here is my reflection on what it means to be a Christian taken out of my diary:

Dear Diary, 

As a christian. This world is your battleground. You are a warrior for GOD. You are a soldier in a army (God’s army.) You are defeating an even bigger army (Satan’s army.) The earth was cursed by God with sin and death when Eve sinned in the garden of eden. The earth was given to you to tempt you to join the other side. The earth is your temptation to hold onto. The bible was given to be your staff, your sword, and your vessel. Your life was given to be your journey of faith and hope. Your challenge is ministry, and obedience to GOD. Your job is not judgement, but ministry, and prayer. You don’t know whom GOD chose. Sin was created to be so much more fun, and give you an easier life. Standing up for the cross is what you need to do each time sin tempts you. You have no shame in it. If you have a little bit of shame in Jesus, and the cross you must question your intentions. Ask yourself: Why should he have died for you? Answer: He shouldn’t of. Ask yourself: If he died for me… why? Answer: He still did. Answer: Because he is a God of love for those whom he chose. 

There are many people who question themselves every day because they understand the cross. They say: “Jesus, why did you choose me, and if you did, why me?”

 When you can finally ask yourself that question. You understand salvation is not something to find comfort in. You understand that as Ephesians 2:8-9 says it is a gift and only a gift. You don’t need to put on a show for everyone. You just need them to see through your actions and your words where you stand. You need to stand firm in your faith, and your beliefs. Your salvation remains between you and god – not you and people. Everybody made their mistakes, and everybody sins. Sometimes you will slip, but you have to remember to repent. You have to remember to ask forgiveness not just from GOD, but from those whom you hurt. They may hate you, but you must show respect regardless. People may hurt you, and break your heart. You must show respect regardless. You must set the example. The example Christ set for you. 

 They may wonder why you’re being so easy on them, and they may laugh. Remember your past, and Jesus died on the cross, and was easy on you. Remember he gave you the gift you didn’t deserve. If people don’t see your attitude. They won’t see your faith. When you fight for GOD, and God’s army. You will get mocked, spat on, laughed at, hated on. In the back of your head you will remain humble always remembering God’s promise. 

 God’s promise of eternal life, and you will continue to fight for your GOD. If your life is too comfortable. You have stopped fighting. Remember you’re a warrior. When Jesus died on the cross. He died for you so that you could live. So why do you think he would let you have a comfortable life? Get out there and let him lead you exactly where he needs you. He gave his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. His strength is already in you. You must first have faith in yourself so that he can put his faith in you. 

 Remember, it doesn’t matter who hates you. Critics will always be there. As a christian – you have no time to hate because in your heart you know you already have Jesus. 

 ”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart.” (Psalms 51:17) 

I’ve had a busy month working on projects for all sorts of things. I’ve had an emotional month as well. I think having something to keep at the center of your life is so important. I keep Jesus at the center of mine. Happy Easter!!!!

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