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Cancer Awareness

Many schools around Canada just finished participating in a #TerryFoxRun to raise money for “Cancer Research.” I remember doing the run when I was a child, and I’m completely glad that it has still continued.

For a young man such as Terry Fox to have struggled with cancer so early on, to end up with an amputated leg, and to decide to make a run across Canada to raise money on behalf of others made such an empowering statement.

I once knew a man with an amputated leg…he also passed at a young age just as Terry Fox did.   For the last 8 year’s I watched my mom suffer from cancer. The cancer she had was lymphoma.

My hair is so long, and my mom told me I could donate it to cancer to make a wig for other cancer patients. I know how much wigs were a part of my mother’s life during her cancer treatments.

I never actually donated my hair before, but it is something I have always wanted to do and I looked it up and found out there is all kinds of rules around it. For example: It has to be a certain length. It can’t be dyed or permed. I’m seriously considering it.

Now that my mom is passed on. I still have my hair and it’s still extremely long. I want to cut it, and style it, but the one thing that’s stopping me is making sure it’s exactly right for donating. I guess charity work is becoming a huge part of my life. It’s something that helps me keep my moms spirit alive within me.

A Letter To Mom

It’s painful knowing the only way I can speak to my mom now is through journals. It’s devastating knowing I will never see her smile or hear her voice again. I’ve kept myself so busy so that I don’t have to think about the fact I no longer have a mom. We all think our moms will be with us until were 50. I lost my mom at the age of 30. My youngest brother lost his mom at the age of 20. He’s only 20. I not only have to be strong for myself but for my siblings too. Everybody is hurting. Our mother used to always tell us every day how much she loved us.

As I went to her final memorial service that was held here. I met so many people that genuinely loved my mom from the deepest parts of their hearts. I try so hard not to think about it and focus on other things. I sat in the room filled with people who knew my mom for over 30 years. I watched elderly men crying. I have never seen so many tears in elderly mens eyes. I watched mothers torn like they lost my mother as a mother too. I saw all the unconditional love that surrounded my mom.

The tears were so much for me to bear around me because I did not want to cry again. I still felt to give them all a hug because I knew they were finally processing what I spent all week processing and still can’t come to terms with. I know my mother saw them all as her family too. My mother never had a real family growing up. She was part of the 60’s scoops movement. She only met her family as an adult. I think we need to speak up more on those topics. To me we were all family in the room that day related by blood or not.

It really touched my heart to see all the people who loved our mom. Those people were near and dear to my mom ; therefore they’re near and dear to us. It was very hard for my mom when all her children grew up into adulthood. She never let any of us go. All I wanted to do was give each and every last person a hug for giving her a place she could smile. I know they all miss her as much as we do. My mom treated everyone like her family period.

This was one of my letters I wrote to my mom that I wish I could give her but can only hope she’s reading it from heaven. One of the ladies told me to picture my mom upstairs in heaven in a purple robe. One of the men told me we all go somewhere after we die.. and we’ll all meet again in heaven. My mom really role-modeled the right way to live to me. She taught me to have compassion for all people.

Dear Mommy,

You’re my strength that pulls me through each difficult day. You’re my courage that makes me believe in a brighter day. You’re my hero when the world is against me. You’re my rock when I need a shoulder to cry on.

May I always be a fighter like you? May I always have a heart of gold like you? May I always have a unconditional loving heart with forgiveness for all people like you? XOXO.

I wish you were still here to see the gift my brother and I were working on for your birthday. At least you saw us start.

I wish you were here to see everything my siblings and I are trying to do in honour of your memory and the mark you left upon our lives.

I know you smile down on us from heaven now.

Love Always,

Your daughter.

The Woman I Admire: Kate Spade


I look at celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Steve Harvey who found their forever spouse on the third marriage. It’s interesting how when it’s a man we look up to him for advice, but when it’s a woman we shun her due to her family. In reality were only given the cover the media wants us to see ; were not living in their shoes experience life from their perspective. What happened to a world where we could just uplift people into good role-models?

It’s not our place to judge others for their pasts. It’s only our place to help others grow into better people from their pasts. I never understood why so often people tear people a part or break them more when they show their imperfections. It’s like people want to find out the flaws and weaknesses of others and break down anything that’s perfection. In the end does it make anybody feel better? It sort of puts people behind in their own goals. They become so focused on the lives of others instead of the lives of their owns. How is it winning when one is hurting others to win?

It doesn’t matter who somebody is. Everybody has a story. Everybody has a family. Everybody comes from somewhere. Every single person has feelings period. We all cry the same tears at the end of the day. The way we express those tears is just different.

Just this past week it broke my heart to hear about the Fashion Designer Kate Spade committing suicide. Her and her husband were apparently in the process of a divorce after years of success and years of marriage. It makes you realize that money can’t buy happiness – only inward peace can. Happiness is shortlived. Joy is eternal.

She designed hand-bags, and shoes, and other things. She was a aspiration to so many. You never really know what a person is going through on the inside. She had it altogether on the outside. She was everything so many of us young women dream of becoming. She was building her legacy.

She also allegedly suffered from bipolar disorder a long with the late Marilyn Monroe who has become a sex symbol of her era. Such beauty in both women. Such intelligence. Such charisma. Such tragic endings. It makes you realize how much this world needs more compassion in it.

I believe in an almighty God who wants us to seek peace rather than void fillers. The challenge we all must give ourselves is to wake up every day and use our insecurities to help others become confident in themselves. It’s been proven that those who help others live more fulfilling lives. At the end of the day everybody is human.

There are those who get divorced three or four times and they’re frowned upon and shunned. It doesn’t matter whether we agree with someones choices or not. If they’re not hurting us or somebody else. It’s not our business. It’s not our place to judge a path that belongs to somebody else. I think so many people are just trying to fit into the mould of society. It’s often why many lack guidance and fail to make correct decisions the first time. If we all look deep enough into our pasts – we’ve all made our own set of mistakes as well. We should look at those and fix those before we dare try to fix somebody else. The best example we can be to others is a role-model in our own lives.

I also think once somebody is married ; they’re married. I don’t think it’s right to try to help anyone get a divorce. I think we should be helping them nourish the garden they created together called marriage so that if it is their third marriage – they don’t end up in a fourth one. The only difference between those people and those in society is they actually got married. There are so many in society do the same thing they just never get married. They live together and are basically common-law.

I think it’s important to respect somebody who tries to do better. It’s easy to believe that some people will never change, but some people actually do change. When people transform we should leave their past where it belongs. Nobody in the world wants somebody diging into their past so why do so many people dig into the pasts of others? In my opinion anytime we dig into the past of someone else ; it’s more a reflection of ourselves.

We need to learn to be people with good hearts and happy for others who get up. We need to want to see everybody in our lives winning. Marriage is marriage no matter how many times it happens. I hate how people put doubt into a marriage that happens for a third time when they have no clue who a person is. So many people prey on peoples downfalls to feed their own ego.

I think that’s why celebrities are preyed on. Celerbrities cry tears just like you and me. Celebrities make mistakes just like you and me. The only difference between us and them is that the cameras are always on them. The cameras are not always on us. There is no person nor family that is perfect. Each and every last life tells a story – either of growth or of pain. In the end everything were surrounded by has an impact or an influence on us.

I often wonder why we keep watching the Karashians and why they continue to be on reality TV. I realize it’s because they’re humans who are relatable trying to overcome obstacles in the public eye. They get so much scrutiny and they continue to get up because they don’t let people tear them down. They get up as a team as a family. We all have similar flaws to them. The only difference is they show us the stuff we hate in ourselves when we look at them.

I often wonder why Steve Harvey is such a man to look up to. I realize it’s because he’s always been humble about his downfalls. He’s always tried to seek out a more fulfilling ending. He has a beautiful family and finally settled down and married his beautiful third wife. They all share a beautiful blended family together.

Now I sit here writing and tearing because we chase these endings without realizing the struggle that got them all there. We compare ourselves to them wondering why we can’t have the success that they have. I often wonder how many tears are shed behind closed doors that they never allow us to see. I often wonder how many sacrifices were made just to get where they are today.

After this week with the story of Kate Spade. I cry and I shed tears because she was such a sweetheart. She was so creative. She was living the dream. In the end she wasn’t happy.

Whatever you’re doing in your life. Stop and tell the pople in it that you love them. Some people need to hear that more than we think they do! May the legacy of Kate Spade live on. May we always remember the good things about her. May she rest in peace. I say a prayer today for her family.