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Should you relight the spark?


You fell in love with a man or you married a man who is acting distant from you, and you’ve tried everything, and he still doesn’t want to communicate with you? If it’s so bad and you’re in a rough patch and you know you messed up. You should probably write your man a letter explaining how he’s your rock, and how you failed to appreciate him when he needed you to be his. A lot of relationships fall a part because you’re putting expectations on him, but you’re forgetting how much he did for you to begin with, and that now it’s your turn to be his rock. A lot of you think love stays how it is in the honemoon phase when actually if you all were lying and acting to get eachother to the bedroom in the beginning. It changes.

Love is work. Love is effort. Love is appreciation. Love is not “I” and love is not “You.” Love is “We” as in “we need eachother.” Until you understand that, you might be a good flirt, you might be somebody easy to sleep with, but you haven’t quite mastered what it means to be marriage material. Men have huge egos and as women we have to understand how to feed them. I know when a woman and a man are in a fight. Often the man feels like he’s been emasculated. If you emasculate a man. He’s going to be upset. He’s going to be resentful towards you. That is one part of a man you should never destroy. Relationships go downhill when you do, and it doesn’t matter the man.

It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are on the outside. In the end it’s how beautiful you’re on the inside. The money you spend on your nails. The money you spend on your hair. That’s all money your man is trying to invest into paying on the house that you’re failing to appreciate. A mans natural duty is a protector and a provider. You can focus on making yourself look good for him, and putting on make-up for hours. In the end most men prefer to see their woman naturally. Statistically proven men marry the woman that they are with when they’re socially ready to get married ; not because it’s the woman they’re in love with. The main reason a man gets married is companionship / friendship. The divorce rate is at 50% for first time marriages, and goes up every marriage after. You chose marriage and you chose a committed relationship. Now you gotta study your partner until you have a degree on them.

One way to turn a man or a woman on is through scents. I believe Vanilla and Lavender are the top scents to use according to experts. I for one am a straight user of Lavender when it comes to male seduction. I will light Lavender candles, wear lavender lotion, but I will never tell the man that’s what I’m doing. In the end sex is part of bonding. A man who feels wanted ends up bonding with you. I also love oils, and I love massages. You can study tantra. The best type of romance is when you’re both down with that. Aromas can set the mood when you feel like you’re drifting a part from your partner like a magic potion.  The problem is you might be so hurt, and your man or your husband might not understand why you’re so turned off by  him at this moment.

 My favourite movie is: “Beauty and the beast.” Do you see how beautiful the BEAST is when he finally takes Belle to the dance floor? He was only tough on the outside, but on the inside he was truly hurting. Sometimes your man / husband may feel the same way about him that you currently feel about him. The man is the head and the woman is the heart. You gotta learn to love people from the inside out, not the outside in. Anybody can look good with money. Beautiful people have sometimes been bruised and become guarded. Sometimes your man has become guarded from you. You’re trying to find out how to relight the spark well being understood at the same time. First things first:
#1. Stop nagging him.
#2. Stop bringing up the past.
 Both those things are turn offs and will turn your man off completely. As a woman you want passion, sensuality, romance, and loving. You feel abandoned. You gotta understand that in the beginning you may have rushed into a relationship and you may have rushed into a marriage. Now things are going to take time. You’re doing all the things you should’ve done before you got together and the trust has to be built. It was never there to begin with. If you love each-other you gotta work on respecting each-other.

If you choose to leave because you feel that there is better out there for you. You need to grow from your mistakes. Love will find you when it finds you. Sometimes love has always been in front of you but because it was respectful love you saw it as rejection and passed it up for attention. Learn to understand the power of patience and Gods love. Don’t ever be in a rush to fight for something god showed you isn’t for you just because others praise you. There is no need for a fake applause on your life. You got one life to get love right and hopefully your desire is to get your marriage right. Somewhere in the world is a man GOD is growing into your perfect king. When you understand the power of GOD. You understand the duty of growth. Only when GOD says it’s time is it ever time. The rest is settling for mediocrity. Beautiful love is worth waiting for especially when you know how beautiful a person you’re in your heart. Don’t let somebody break you when you’ve healed yourself to be whole!





Dealing with Jealous Friends

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10 –

 Have you ever had a friend you thought you were close to, but as you tried to focus on success they started to drift away from you? Have you ever had a friend, and you felt like the only reason they were your friend was because of the man you were dating? Have you ever had a friend who would vent your problems to you, and if you didn’t take their side they turned you into a middle person and the enemy? These are the consequences of a good heart.
 When their life is positive they ignore you, they belittle you, and they put you down as if you’re not enough for them. When their life is negative, they run to you like their only friend, but blame you for all your problems until they go back to being clouded again. They secretly hate you. They secretly admire you. They’re not friends. They’re fans. Fans can love you and fans can hate you but the irony is everything they say about you is an illusion of who they believe that you are so that they can feel better about themselves. Friends know who you are and want to support you to succeed. It’s hypocrisy. These are lessons in life we must learn if we want to get ahead. We can live our life pleasing the crowd, because the crowd will keep us at the stop sign. We’ve gotta learn to drive on our own so that we can see the whole country.

 Some lessons you end up learning are:

#1. Don’t believe people who claim to care just because of who they’re in life. They only care if you play their game. The second you don’t. They make you up to save face with themselves.

# 2. Never stop at the surface. Learn to read beyond it. Those who read the surface end up playing the fool. Anybody can do the right things on the outside. Very few can mean them in their heart.

#3. Never hurt somebody back just because they hurt you. We all have to answer to GOD in the end. It’s not about winning in life. It’s about winning with GOD!

So many people in the world are chasing money. So many people in the world are chasing popularity maybe hoping to become famous. I never thought about wanting fame. I never even liked being in the spotlight. I don’t care to have that type of power over people. Why isn’t anybody ever taught the dream of just being happy? To me I just want to be happy with who I was on the inside at the end of my life. I think a lot of people trade who they’re on the inside just to seek out validation from others.
Sometimes it can lead you to bad circles in friendships and your best friend can often become your number one enemy. Ever watched: “Pretty Woman?” The man met the hooker on the street thinking he was trusting his co-worker and then his co-worker betrayed him when he fell in love with the hooker who he empathized with. Julia Roberts did amazing in that role. There are times in life when you’re going to have to learn to trust God more than you trust your spouse. The world is filled with facades. It’s filled with disloyalty, dishonesty, and betrayal. So many people are out for themselves. I have never seen marriage as some fairy-tale ending like so many I know. I saw it as just settling to impress your friends. I think it’s nice to have pictures saying:

“Oh look at me, I got married young….look back at those brighter days!!!”

I also feel for me that marriage is extremely sacred and not something you settle in just for others to praise you. I would rather not spend 70 years with someone I know I’ll get bored of in 8 years. I guess that makes me a courageous person because I choose to walk away from love. I think it intimidates people when they realize our perspectives on life are different. I have friends who have become enemies myself. They would rather to treat me like a competition than a human being. It’s unfortunate.

Were all people ; each given a different set of strengths and weaknesses. I don’t understand why sometimes we can’t just all be on the same team and balance our talents out with each-other so that we can both find success. I didn’t learn to be independent over night ; as a matter of fact I spent many years in co-dependence. I learned it through overcoming adversity. I think a lot of people get things the easy way and then when you fight for things the hard way. They expect you to allow them to control you, to manipulate you, and then you become passionate and outspoken and you tell them:

“This is my dream!!”

They get mad when you don’t share their dreams with them. They get mad when you start going on a different path than they are on. The nay-saying starts. The gossip starts. Even your best friend will turn you to a cartoon character. The goals you chase they’re afraid to. No matter how hard you fight for your dreams. It’s going to be the people you have the most respect for who do the most to you. They call this the: “Devils Distractions.”

It’s when the devil knows you’re about to make it and makes you feel insecure with fear that you can’t make it.  I think deep down no matter how successful a person is. Deep down there was that fear. I think were all afraid, but if we stay afraid of change, we will miss our blessings. Part of finding success is learning to adapt to change. Stop arguing with the past, and start fighting for your future. Stop hating others, and start asking GOD the reason for this test. Once you do….you will see….it wasn’t fear…it was GOD TESTING.

Every obstacle you go through is GOD preparing you for a greater purpose.