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The Woman I Admire: Kate Spade


I look at celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Steve Harvey who found their forever spouse on the third marriage. It’s interesting how when it’s a man we look up to him for advice, but when it’s a woman we shun her due to her family. In reality were only given the cover the media wants us to see ; were not living in their shoes experience life from their perspective. What happened to a world where we could just uplift people into good role-models?

It’s not our place to judge others for their pasts. It’s only our place to help others grow into better people from their pasts. I never understood why so often people tear people a part or break them more when they show their imperfections. It’s like people want to find out the flaws and weaknesses of others and break down anything that’s perfection. In the end does it make anybody feel better? It sort of puts people behind in their own goals. They become so focused on the lives of others instead of the lives of their owns. How is it winning when one is hurting others to win?

It doesn’t matter who somebody is. Everybody has a story. Everybody has a family. Everybody comes from somewhere. Every single person has feelings period. We all cry the same tears at the end of the day. The way we express those tears is just different.

Just this past week it broke my heart to hear about the Fashion Designer Kate Spade committing suicide. Her and her husband were apparently in the process of a divorce after years of success and years of marriage. It makes you realize that money can’t buy happiness – only inward peace can. Happiness is shortlived. Joy is eternal.

She designed hand-bags, and shoes, and other things. She was a aspiration to so many. You never really know what a person is going through on the inside. She had it altogether on the outside. She was everything so many of us young women dream of becoming. She was building her legacy.

She also allegedly suffered from bipolar disorder a long with the late Marilyn Monroe who has become a sex symbol of her era. Such beauty in both women. Such intelligence. Such charisma. Such tragic endings. It makes you realize how much this world needs more compassion in it.

I believe in an almighty God who wants us to seek peace rather than void fillers. The challenge we all must give ourselves is to wake up every day and use our insecurities to help others become confident in themselves. It’s been proven that those who help others live more fulfilling lives. At the end of the day everybody is human.

There are those who get divorced three or four times and they’re frowned upon and shunned. It doesn’t matter whether we agree with someones choices or not. If they’re not hurting us or somebody else. It’s not our business. It’s not our place to judge a path that belongs to somebody else. I think so many people are just trying to fit into the mould of society. It’s often why many lack guidance and fail to make correct decisions the first time. If we all look deep enough into our pasts – we’ve all made our own set of mistakes as well. We should look at those and fix those before we dare try to fix somebody else. The best example we can be to others is a role-model in our own lives.

I also think once somebody is married ; they’re married. I don’t think it’s right to try to help anyone get a divorce. I think we should be helping them nourish the garden they created together called marriage so that if it is their third marriage – they don’t end up in a fourth one. The only difference between those people and those in society is they actually got married. There are so many in society do the same thing they just never get married. They live together and are basically common-law.

I think it’s important to respect somebody who tries to do better. It’s easy to believe that some people will never change, but some people actually do change. When people transform we should leave their past where it belongs. Nobody in the world wants somebody diging into their past so why do so many people dig into the pasts of others? In my opinion anytime we dig into the past of someone else ; it’s more a reflection of ourselves.

We need to learn to be people with good hearts and happy for others who get up. We need to want to see everybody in our lives winning. Marriage is marriage no matter how many times it happens. I hate how people put doubt into a marriage that happens for a third time when they have no clue who a person is. So many people prey on peoples downfalls to feed their own ego.

I think that’s why celebrities are preyed on. Celerbrities cry tears just like you and me. Celebrities make mistakes just like you and me. The only difference between us and them is that the cameras are always on them. The cameras are not always on us. There is no person nor family that is perfect. Each and every last life tells a story – either of growth or of pain. In the end everything were surrounded by has an impact or an influence on us.

I often wonder why we keep watching the Karashians and why they continue to be on reality TV. I realize it’s because they’re humans who are relatable trying to overcome obstacles in the public eye. They get so much scrutiny and they continue to get up because they don’t let people tear them down. They get up as a team as a family. We all have similar flaws to them. The only difference is they show us the stuff we hate in ourselves when we look at them.

I often wonder why Steve Harvey is such a man to look up to. I realize it’s because he’s always been humble about his downfalls. He’s always tried to seek out a more fulfilling ending. He has a beautiful family and finally settled down and married his beautiful third wife. They all share a beautiful blended family together.

Now I sit here writing and tearing because we chase these endings without realizing the struggle that got them all there. We compare ourselves to them wondering why we can’t have the success that they have. I often wonder how many tears are shed behind closed doors that they never allow us to see. I often wonder how many sacrifices were made just to get where they are today.

After this week with the story of Kate Spade. I cry and I shed tears because she was such a sweetheart. She was so creative. She was living the dream. In the end she wasn’t happy.

Whatever you’re doing in your life. Stop and tell the pople in it that you love them. Some people need to hear that more than we think they do! May the legacy of Kate Spade live on. May we always remember the good things about her. May she rest in peace. I say a prayer today for her family.

Why I’m Single

I’m tired of explaining to people why I’m single. I’m single because I had a poor taste in men. I chose men I thought I could fix rather than men who were right for me. I wasn’t confident in myself yet. I was selfish and I didn’t know how to forgive. I thought about myself and not about the fact that it was my decision to date broken men. I dated men who broke me down with them. I take full responsibility for my choices. It takes two to tango.

I am single because I continued on in those destructive patterns until I turned my life back to God. I am no longer in a place of hurt, resentment, or frustration towards the past I can’t change.

I’m more in a place of forgiveness and compassion because I understand how much God has intervened in my life, and how much people in my past still need him to intervene in theirs. I feel that I often wanted to live Godly with Ungodly men, and it never worked out. In the end I would compromise myself, and they would not understand me. We’d clash until we’d break up. It took forgiving myself for my choices to forgive those who hurt me in them. In the end – I made those choices.

I made a choice to love men I knew weren’t ready for love. I made the choice to set a bad example of what love is to those who look up to me and follow me. I failed so many people with my choices in my past. I still rather get up from my falls in life humbly.

I also failed myself.

Today, I’m single because I learned what LOVE is, and I don’t covet anybody else’s definition of love. I understand that we all have our own authentic story to find, to hold, and to blossom. It’s up to GOD who I end up with.

I’m single because I have other priorities and the best form of healing is not looking for love but looking for yourself and who you’re in GOD. I truly believe that when were obedient to GOD first. He comes to bless us with his promises we never saw coming. Looking for love can sometimes just be lust. However, when you do the right things to be loyal to yourself well you’re single – you eventually attract into your life exactly what you are.

We often settle in love because we won’t change ourselves. I learned that and I changed that in myself. If you attract the wrong type of love to you – there is something in you that’s attracting it. I learned that LOVE isn’t the end goal.

We often fall in love with the idea of a person or the idea of love. We forget to fall in love with the person as a whole. We forget to comprehend love as a whole.

Love is an ingredient that GOD decides to give us when he decides were ready for it. Before GOD gives us a YES… we need to learn to accept his NO.

I would rather be with a husband I can allow to feel special than be with a husband who wonders constantly if I’m still in love with my ex. Once I realized that – it became so important to me to learn how to self-love. You can’t give in love love that you haven’t already given to yourself. Broken people break each-other into destructive love patterns.

I’m single because I believe that marriage is truly sacred, and I don’t want to experiment with it for a piece of paper that means nothing except for in Facebook pictures to look like a power couple. I want love that’s real and true.

Patience is a virtue. Blessings come to those who wait!

There are many good people that I might find myself attracted to. Just because somebody appears good doesn’t mean they’re good for me. We can make all the lists in the world on what a good man or a good woman is. In the end it has to fit with who we are and the goals we have in our future.

In the end our mind and heart will still go to war and one of them will always win out. I hope that I end up married to a man my father taught me to look for because the values that are instilled into us are the ones we should carry because our parents always want what’s best for us.

You Were Made For Greatness!!!

You must have plans to become successful. You must have plans to become great. I know the world’s probably been unfair to you. You spent so many days lonely saving the world. You spent so many nights crying feeling under-appreciated. You try so hard to dedicate your life to something – humanity work, a cause, family, a career. The only thing you ever seem to meet is: failure. You desire so much to have something to fall back on when the world feels against you. You want somebody to just love you for you. You want to feel accepted instead of rejected. The more you give your heart; the more you realize how rare and unique your heart really is.

You feel so misunderstood. You sat at home flicking through the channels on television – didn’t you? You couldn’t find anything to cheer you up. All you found were reminders of the person you’ll never become. Depression took over your life. Tears after tears; nobody sees you. Heartbreak after heartbreak; nobody hears you. You’d rather be isolated than an attention seeker. You’d rather be dedicated than a user. You’re dealing with your blues. You’re too compassionate. You’re too different. You felt you did everything in this life right. What do you keep meeting? Rock Bottom. Everything nobody prepared you for. The good news is this is the story of all successful people destined for something. You should take those tears and stop comparing yourself.

You try to go church; they say pray. God will guide you. God ain’t even guiding them. You go to the world; they say move forwards – leave the negativity behind. Patterns of hurt cycles all around you. The mystery of life has now become your puzzle of confusion. The new philosophy you’re searching for.

You wish you could be a dancer, an athlete, the next wrestler, some type of a champion. Dreams you once had. Dreams faded now to dust. All the successful people you saw as friends; they now treat you as an enemy. Competition. You’re alone in the world. You’re empty. You regroup. Nobody chases after you. You don’t want anybody else’s place. You just want to keep your dignity. The world points out your flaws never noticing theirs. They’re perfect. What are you? Another broken person.

Vulnerabilities. Insecurities. They use them against you. You let it get to you. Their lies suddenly become your truths. Who are you? Maybe they’re right – aren’t they? You thought they were helping you. You found out they were using you. You wonder how disingenuous people get all the praise but your good golden heart always gets taken for granted. You see them winning – well you feel you’re losing. How did you get here? Remember that you’re a fighter, and a conqueror.

Every time we walk outside people judge us and we judge them. Unintentionally. It’s human habit. We always see our own perspectives. We never see the next persons perspective. It’s why lovers always fall a part. Same hearts. Different love languages. It’s why enemies always end up together. The materialistic world sells. The superficial world is what everybody wants. The reality is we all have imperfections and none of us like to see them in ourselves. It’s why people always fall for the ego feed instead of the reality. Fantasy always feels so much better. We never look in the mirror. We always look at others. It’s easier. We compare. We fail to look at the depth of the things that are in front of us. We fail to look at how we reciprocate our energy and conduct ourselves in character. We often look out one window. We look at the window with the beautiful garden. We forget that even houses have several windows. We all see the world differently. We all came from a different place. We need to carry ourselves with empathy.

First Impressions. They speak volumes. We often wish we could trade places with somebody else. Some go as far as double lives. Even triple lives. It’s hard to know who is genuine when you keep your dignity in a world that often feels like it needs a hero. We see the nice houses, the fancy cars, the success stories of those that surround us. It looks like the whole nine yards and a nice picket fence. We envy it. We never look deeper. If we did – we’d realize it’s all air brushed. Photo-shopped. Facades. Some grass only looks greener. The only person we need to grow in is ourselves. We need to become the example of what we think a decent person is. The right people will follow.

Why do we compare ourselves to others so much? We can’t fix the world. We can only fix ourselves. Why do we judge people before we even know them? My question to you is: what is your definition of success? The truth is success doesn’t happen when we cheat our way to it. It happens when we survive all the storms that life sends our way and we grow from each failure. Everybody ends up getting karma in the end depending on the choices they pursue in the moment.

For some people success is fame. For others it’s money. For others it’s keeping a relationship. The list goes on. There are so many people who turn their life into everything one could desire. They lose everything they really need in the process. What will your legacy be at the end of your life? Will it be one you’re proud of? Will you love the person that you were in this life? If you saw your funeral today – who would you be in it? Successful people stop caring what others think about them. They care what those closest to them think of them and they build from there. They don’t go looking for it. It finds them in the end because of who they are. Fall in love with your passion, and never stop falling in love with it. Love it so much that you embrace it with everything that you are and people become better because they know you. That’s the only way to success. In the end your story will be something others relate to once you become the person you never thought you could be. You’ve been that person all a long. You were just focusing your energy in all the wrong places.