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Addicted to him: Pleasure Island

 I don’t know if any of you men or women ever felt so trapped in love as if the man or the woman was your choice of drug. It didn’t matter how many times you tried to leave because of the toxic basis of the relationship – you couldn’t. This is about that exactly. It’s a poem that speaks on how easily we confuse lust and sex with love. We convince ourselves certain feelings like those butterflies are love.


 This is about being addicted to someone who cheats on you. Desiring somebody who takes advantage of your good heart, and knows that no matter what they do you’re the main one to them. Why do they have that much power over you? They know that you will always come back because you allow them to treat you like that.  They will always find a way to hold on to you.


 It’s the kind of love that makes you lose yourself, and hurt. It’s the kind of love that makes you hate yourself. It’s the kind of love that makes you allow others to hate you because well you’re in it you feel afraid of people. You allow the bad stuff about yourself to become what you believe ; even if it’s not true. You become protective of your heart, and people target you.


 You need to be stronger than that, and you need to let go…..


 It takes some people years to get out of these bad cycles where they’ve been made to look like the bad one. You don’t have to live like that anymore. You don’t need to keep seeing everyone as the same because there are bullies in this world who don’t understand what you’re going through, and those are the voices you hear.  Shame on those people


  There are good people out there who won’t let that define you, and will show you your worth again. They will stand by you, and teach you how to love yourself again. You don’t need to be peoples target anymore. From this day forward no matter what you’re going through – start looking up! Fight those demons off of you. Show them they can’t control you. The people who couldn’t see who you are, well it’s their loss. As long as you know you. That’s all that really matters. People deserve to see you for who you really are ; not the way you’ve let others define you for so long. You deserve that for yourself too.



Well this poem speaks to that. Just know if you’ve been in this situation you’re not alone. I hope this poem speaks to you.  It’s one of my deepest poems I ever wrote.


Pleasure Island

By, Irene

I’m so blinded by your fantasy.

I’m stranded on your Island.

I can’t break myself free.

Here I feel so much pleasure.

I think I’m in paradise.

A slave that thinks you’re a treasure.

Who am I? How did I get here?

I’m digging deep into the ground.

I’m like a missing person.

Am I in a human lost-and-found?

Seems I’ve lost myself in you.

Your love I try so hard to resist.

But for some reason I’m feigning it.

My friends don’t know I still exist.

I’m grabbing at your hand.

Slowly I feel myself sinking.

I’m burying myself deeper

You stop me from thinking.

You’re letting me fall.

I’m losing my breath – still fighting.

I’m fighting for you.

I see a flash of lightening.

You want it to strike me.

I can hear your friends cheering, I can hear you mocking.

You got me under your spell.

This shouldn’t be shocking.

I got faith in you, well you leave me in this storm.

I know you’ve done this before.

It’s like a music video that keeps playing on repeat.

Then I still keep coming back for more.

I’m so foolish, it’s humiliating.

I can feel the strangers evil stares.

Then you pull me up as if you saved me.

You leave me there lying.

I’m like a helpless bird without wings.

I feel so crippled tied up in chains.

There you go again promising me things.

You got me on this guilt trip.

If I hold unto you just a little longer.

You’ll give me what I want.

If I act a just a little stronger.

I’m stuck in this rain.

Believing you love me.

All I feel is severe pain.

Then you’re off on your Hawaiin Cruise.

You’re living a double life.

You have no fear of what you will lose.

You trapped me on your Pleasure Island.

I want you so bad, but I’m not okay.

So I’ve been building this boat,

I want to finally sail away.

Find out what’s out there for me.

I’m in jail here.

I will break free from your chains.

I won’t stay in fear.

I will hold unto faith.

Life can seem so unfair.

I will hold unto God.

God answers prayer.

The world doesn’t truly know me.

I’m like a locked up princess.

At war with people trying to steal away my rights.

I won’t be your mistress.

Someday my prince will come.

The world can be so cruel when you’re loyal, loving, and kind.

I just keep dreaming and dreaming.

To distract myself and ease my mind.

The bad ones always seem to get it all,

Being manipulative, and putting on an act.

They can have you so fooled, making the great ones fall.

But I’ll get back up and I’ll win.

You have me so wrong.

I shouldn’t be your prisioner.

I’m so courageous. I’m strong.

I can survive cruelty and broken hearts.

I can do it without seeking revenge or spite.

I have hope and I see a brighter tomorrow.

I take out my candle to light.

I have so many tears now.

They keep falling from my eyes.

Can’t you see it? I care for you.

You’re so scared from my cries.

You try to flip it on me acting all tough.

As If I’m the shallow person.

Baby, don’t you know I’ve had it rough?

You like to see me suffer.

You think that I would hurt you.

Baby, don’t you know that I wouldn’t?

I’m not like you.

My heart is too soft.

You love when I’m hurting.

You love having power.

You’re always out flirting.

It gives you justification.

It allows you to believe I’m just crazy.

Your ego takes over.

Then you forget about me.

You’re too proud to care.

I’m stuck in this misery.

I cry for help and noone hears.

Slowly my love is fading.

I’m starting to give up.

I’m so done with my persuading.

I just want to smile again.

I miss when I used to smile.

I miss when I knew who I was.

You make me suicidal.

I feel empty here.

I’m packing my stuff and I’m ready to leave.

Then there you are again.

I’m so tired of feeling deceived.

I won’t be blinded by you.

Then you pull me back and kiss me by surprise.

I’m trapped again.

You start talking about the future as you look into my eyes.

I can’t escape.

Then I give into your temptation.

Tune out the pain in my heart.

I can’t run away from your sensation.

I feel so trapped on your Pleasure Island.

You blind me.

Let me go.

Don’t touch me.

I’m shouting now!

I don’t want to hurt you like you did me.

I need to avoid you.

I need to be free.

Now the tables are turned.

I’m walking away…..

I’m tuning you out.

I hear you begging me to stay.

I won’t let another man steal my identity.

You found out you had a good woman too late.

Maybe you should of got to know her,

Instead of judged her by her heartache.

It’s your turn to cry.

I still wish you happiness.

Now it’s my turn to say Goodbye.

A woman of Virtue

When people look at me sometimes all they see is…
a girl who is happy,
a girl who has everything,
and a girl who has conquered every demon.
 They don’t see me playing a victim.
I have a forgiving and unconditionally loving heart in a world where most people are conditional. A lot of people do not find that normal. I feel like everything we achieve in life we have to work for it through dignity.
 I can’t stand abuse, and I’m not blind to it.  I will always speak up to it to help victims. I think people want to shut that part of me up. I feel like (hopefully) because I speak up people have the courage to walk away from abusive situations. I don’t mind standing alone and being the voice for the voiceless.
 I believe in saving lives and defending and empowering other women and educating them on why things happen. I don’t believe that marriage is always a solution. I’m not one who cares if people disagree with my opinions or the fact I’d rather not write stuff towards having the image life everybody so desperately wants. I’m used to criticism and I am a stronger woman because of it. Society can be cruel when you walk away from toxic situation-ships rather than settle and compromise just for others to like you.
 I often speak up and write about topics that others don’t want to hear because they want to hear the fantasy. I want to share with others reality. I can’t promise that everything I write will make you feel good about yourself. It will help guide you into a better person though when you reflect your own situation through my honesty.
Some people will love me for it, and others will hate me for it.
 I think as young girls and women who are single. We need to stop feeding into society. All those images we see can’t even compare to what we still have to offer a good man. I think every female deserves that long-haul. Both my older sisters waited on GODS timing and are both in happy marriages. I believe it’s so important to stay a woman of value. I once dated a man who tried to degrade me and it was extremely painful.
He would say things like:

“You need to fix your hair!”

“I’m going to pay for you to have brand name clothes.”

“You need a hair cut.”

“If you love me cut your hair like this, so I can take you out in public.”

It was extremely insulting, and I was extremely offended.

He thought that treating me like this was his way of feeling secure in our relationship. If I listened, if I was submissive than I was worth keeping. I decided to take off all my nice clothes and wear clothes from the thrift shop. I decided to take off all my make-up and embrace my natural beauty. He stopped trying to control me once he realized I was confident in my natural self. To me: he was the one not secure in himself and wanted me to be his trophy girlfriend.

Any time a man tries to change you – being a submissive woman is not the solution. He may turn out to be happy, but you won’t be. In the end that man is testing if he can manipulate you or not. Often these men will cheat on you if you listen to them. They want you to be confused stuck in the thought process of: “I did all this for you to like me….why don’t you like me anymore?”

It’s how they gain power over you. The second they have power over you ; they’re free to have their cake and eat it too. This is a red flag.  No woman with value even gives those men the time of day and if she does he will devalue her as someone to cheat on. Don’t even respond to men like that. Not worth it. What will hurt them is the fact you found better and didn’t want them either and that’s exactly what men like this deserve.

It is the fact that I learned to read through games that has stopped me from jumping into relationships.

Love Vs. Lust

 In my early days of dating. I didn’t really look for a specific man. I looked for attention over respect. I’d go on a coffee date with anyone. I felt I was open-minded ; rather than shallow. To me it was friendship. It was innocent. It was pure. I was just being genuine. I’m friendly, and polite. Now as I’ve matured from those days ; I’m not really into dating unless a man meets my requirements.
 Sadly, most men do not get married based on love and do not marry the one they love. Infidelity is common enough in marriages. Most people settle. Most people bluff. People want a lifestyle, and will compromise for it to share bills. I do not believe just because a marriage is in place that a commitment has been established, and that is most peoples mistakes. They run with the wind without reading the contract they’re signing. Image oriented society. That is the road I was almost headed down, thankfully I was able to see the red-flags ahead of time.
 I think it’s better to wait, and most so called married people now will finally end up divorced when their children grow up because…
A. They’re in it for the image
B. They’re lonely
C. infidelity
 It happens more often than most ever want to admit because GOD forbid we stop looking up to them, and their family portrait. Ego is that powerful. A lot of times young women look for love in all the wrong places. It’s normal to look up to those who are older than us, and want to impress them. I think you should go into every relationship stating what you want, and the other person is either working with you or against you. You will know by how they reciprocate the love you’re showing them. Don’t try to force somebody into a lifestyle they don’t want and vice versa. It is a waste of time for both of you. What’s for you will always be for you, and you’re going to end up missing your blessing caught up in a future you don’t really want. Let it go! Time is not the reason to jump into a fire of hopeless devotion. Your requirements are, and finding someone who can meet them. The bible never said to lower your standards.
Love Vs. Lust
by, Irene
I see an angel ; her face so angelic.
Glowing personality so awesome.
Valuable like an antique relic.
Heart so lovable like a cherry blossom.
Her attractiveness beautiful like a flower.
Allowing herself to be his eye-candy.
Giving him all of her power.
Pleasing him because he’s dandy.
Her mind filled up with naivety.
Her analytic ways causing her misery.
Never any trust ; just lust.
Blissfulness confusing her ; making her convince herself it’s love.
She gives in too fast, starts feeling too deep,
a mess she can’t get out of.
All her friends warned her ; she didn’t listen.
All she sees in the lenses is the blur.
She still sees him glisten.
This is her brand new start.
This man is not in this for her heart.
Only sex to fulfill his lust – for him it becomes a must.
She gives into temptation ; forgetting about God’s plan for salvation.
In fear he might cheat ; rather than trusting Jesus to help her defeat.
She becomes used to this. It’s him she begins to miss.
She gave him that precious gift.
Her sweetness becomes anger – he drifts.
He’s marked his name ; all the hurt it’s her he blames.
He’s vexed ; he’s onto the next.
She’s hurt ; he’s abused her kindness.
Now he’s putting her down for her blindness.
In her life he slowly fades away ; she becomes part of his yesterday.
The warning signs were always there.
Her anger is because she started to care.
All the love has now turned into war.
How does she let go and soar?
He used to make her feel like a precious rose ; now she’s a hideous dandelion.
She feels like ugly black crows ; instead of believing she belongs to zion.
Her heart is so warm ; she’s still trying.
Tears like a waterfall she begins crying.
She lacks self-assurance ; she’s given up on endurance.
She used to go with the flow – where oh where did her faith go?
She’s conditioned herself to expect pain.
Her history taught her only rain.
Instead of looking for the sun ; she looks for the storm.

How does she now conform?

I see the make-up upon her face ; her head that stares in space.

Neglecting her duty ; she covers up her natural beauty.
She longs to be loved ; she stands alone in the distance.
Retaliation becomes her persistence.
She wants to be left alone – she waits by the phone.
Strong opinions she holds ; pain so deep she never unfolds.
People judge without knowing where she’s been.
Her mistakes give them an excuse ; a reason to be mean.
A reason to think they’re better.
Her pain like cuts hidden underneath a sweater.
She tries to turn her life around ; instead of help – they put her down.
She runs back to what she knows – where she glows.
She doesn’t understand love. She doesn’t understand trust.
She doesn’t understand God above. She only understood lust.
Why do people judge instead of show true love?
Life is now like a game ; society has made this world a shame.
No woman on earth deserves to be treated like a mistress.
Each and every last one deserves to be somebody’s princess!
She spent her life dreaming of the romance scenes.
Each and every last one deserves to be somebody’s queen.
If God never gave up on us ; why are we so quick to give up on them?
Why do we judge without helping people heal?
Shouldn’t we stop and think – if we were them –
How would we feel?
Now to the women who are married ; stop hurting these women. They need your guidance not your judgment. Sometimes you’re mad at them because you remember how you were when you were young. Now your sex life in your marriage has stopped and you fear them taking your place. They don’t want your place. They want to believe that they’re worth love, and having the same love that you found.
 Sometimes as women we have an unhealthy attitude towards sex. This attitude has to do with our experience with men, and the fact we didn’t always make good choices in them. Sometimes women treat the one they love for every man in the past who hurt them. Just like a young woman has to find healing to learn what love is and to stop confusing lust with love. A married woman needs to learn how sex can heal a marriage.
 Sex is powerful both negatively and positively. When a marriage is broken and you start taking away sex and using it as punishment towards your husband you’re hurting him. You’re basically telling your man that you don’t love him. I’m telling you as women we don’t realize how manipulative our actions can feel and then we wonder why men start cheating. We blame younger women who want what we have because were no longer valuing it. There is nothing more appealing to a man than when he feels wanted. Make sure you always make your man feel wanted. When you don’t the king in him leaves, and the fool in him returns.




Finding A Man

I seem to break a lot of hearts. People tend to judge books by covers they haven’t even read.
 When dating a new man. I often see that were mismatched early on. I have a list of reasons for them for why were not good together. There is never any drama involved. I don’t believe in giving men false hope or fake promises. I believe in carrying around the standards of a wife even if I’m not yet a wife. The thing is when you learn to dodge men you know you’ll never see in your future. A lot of times they will try to show you what you lost with the next woman in hopes that will still fight for them. Two years later – they often apologize and realize you were just a woman of standards.
It’s hard to find love when your problems aren’t the problems of most women. You understand that a lot of marriages happened because two people got together because they needed to share bills. Once you understand that you don’t rush into it. A lot of people bluff. A lot of people will tell you how happy they are together, and a lot of people will hate you because you can’t stand the false persona of fake relationships. People who pretend to be happy, but are actually unhappy and wish they would leave their relationships / marriages. It’s offensive when you begin to learn how many married folks lie, and you wish they would give honest advice instead of leading you to their misery.
 My friend told me: “Irene, you had a longer relationship than most peoples marriages. You are qualified to give advice.”
 I don’t think I’m any sort of professional or qualified. I think I am just someone who can empathize with others easily. The only thing actually different between me and married folks is the piece of paper. I was smart about it. I didn’t set myself up to be stuck. There are many people who wonder if I’ll ever fall in love, why I avoid it, and everything else.
 I don’t even have a type of man I’m attracted to. I’ve met so many men from all different races. If it weren’t for the fact that I  have a past with baggage ; I do think that a lot of men I meet deserve a good woman. I’m far from bitter. It’s just that I feel my respect is towards my family. I know that I have to live a lifestyle where I am a role-model. I choose love based on what’s best for my family unit in general, and sometimes that means not making love a priority.
 It has nothing to do with “THE LIST” of most women.
It has to do with:
“Is he compatible with the life I’m already happy in?”
 “Is he gonna try to change me?”
 “Am I willing to meet him half way?”
 “Will he be a good role-model for my children?”
 It’s more like making sure a man balances with who I already am. I meet great men, but the balance with my original life I have before them isn’t there. I love everybody in general. My personality is literally compatible with everyone.

I just don’t think most people like my personality. I’m overly friendly. I don’t compromise much. They like me as long as they don’t fall in love with me. When they realize I won’t change for them ; they hate me! Truly free spirited and fall in love with bettering humanity instead!

People want to know they’re special and I treat everyone as special period! I just can’t see myself with a man who ain’t my friend in the long haul. To me love and best friend are the same thing. You will hurt the person you love, but you won’t hurt your best friend. You’ll work it out. To me respect is everything. Respect and honesty.


Philandering Husbands

  If we don’t have regrets. We haven’t grown from our mistakes. I could never date someone who doesn’t look in a mirror at themselves to admit the part they played in a falling out with somebody else. It takes two to tango. With my luck – I’ll end up with a divorced man or a separated man. I know right – definitely not my first dream.  It can become a nuisance when that’s the reality you’ve accepted. Celebrities like Alicia Keys and Steve Harvey and his wife have done it and it turned out well for them.
 People will always try to give advice like: “Oh you’ll be hurt if you’re a mans rebound.”
 I think that’s craziness. I think what I’ll actually be is on the same page as a man for once. I think it’s maturity. I recognize my past and the mistakes I made in relationships so it’s easy for me to empathize with a man who made similar mistakes. You can try at love with somebody who comes without a history, but then you also have to realize you yourself have a history. You can only try to move on so much with men who are committed to misunderstanding you. Part of growth is realizing that relationships work when you can both relate period. The rest of the time the relationship can become unbalanced.

 It hurts me to see the girls men I loved in my past have replaced me with. I feel like the world wants me to see women who took my ex from me as a bad person. How can a woman take an ex from me if a man was never committed to me to begin with, and that’s why he decided to cheat on me? People cheat because they don’t feel committed. They feel that they can still find better. Clearly, the man cheated because he thought those girls were better. I guess I can call them empty women and women who did their best to destroy my family and what I should rightfully of called mine and married into. The crazy part is they accepted the fact that they were more able to relate to a broken man than a whole man. Why can’t I do the same? In the end everything happens for a reason.

Yes, in the end my ex will probably put those women through the same things he put me through. Just like if I end up with a divorced or separated man – chances are he will put me through the same things he put his wife through. Why couldn’t my ex fix it with me? Why couldn’t those husbands who move on fix it with their wives? Sometimes in life people just move forwards and it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. It’s peoples idea of what a perfect picture looks like that makes them think that if it works out for you it will ruin their own perception of what happiness is. Since when is it somebody’s business how somebody else chooses to live?

Divorce is part of life.

 There are so many reasons we make up for why a woman would get involved with a man who was committed before. When I look at the girls who choose to be with my ex. I feel bad for them because somewhere in their life I believe they were broken down so much to the point they thought saving a man was love. I feel like he needed a rebound to show me what I lost and he was able to manipulate them to do everything he wanted them to do….and that’s exactly where he wanted them….believing they were his prize because he chose them over the rest.
 The craziest thing is if he loved me – why would he want to marry them? You see it’s my experiences that taught me how so many people end up with cheating husbands. It’s because of my experiences, I realized a lot of men didn’t marry for love but they married to settle into validation. A lot of women fall for the antics of a player because they seek out the same validation thinking they will change him. It is lust and infatuation and obsession but seldom is it love.
 They end up sleeping with him and once they’re addicted to him they get married and sign a paper just to prove a point. In the end – what they are really seeking is attention from everyone else instead of respect from a man. The reason they choose him is because now that that they’re brainwashed by him – other men no longer take them serious. They will always be a reflection of that man. This is their way of saying “I’m loyal,” but the first person they aren’t loyal to is themselves. If a woman is not loyal to herself – why on earth would a woman think she can change a man to be loyal to her? These type of women believe they can through marriage.
 That’s why even when he cheats they constantly run back to him fighting for his love and heart knowing they’re just rebounds from his ex. They lose their sense of self and identity in him. They no longer know who they are, and the man appreciates the power he has over them because he has not yet matured. These women eventually realize he still misses his ex and they feel threatened and want his ex to hurt because they hurt. Once a man has you where he wants you. He will tell you how much you’re not his ex, and how his exes love was so much better, and so many women try to add up to the ex, even knowing from day one  he was playing them and that’s why they’re willing to hurt the woman he loved to win him because they loved the way he treated his ex, but they never got to know him for him until after marriage.
That’s why it’s a red flag when a man talks down on a woman. Usually a man talks down on a woman because she mattered, and if he can get you to feel sorry for him. He knows he can have power over you, and once sex is compromised he knows he can get you to do whatever he wants knowing he will never love you, but you help him keep a perfect image for society. As women we gotta learn to weed these type of dramatic men out. To me it’s understanding that, and understanding that some men made poor choices in their first marriage and rushed into it with women they didn’t want to marry which makes me empathize with them when they mature and realize they need to set their wives free and rewrite their wrongs in the past. If a man leaves his wife or a wife leaves him. I understand it. I also understand that I deserve a second chance at love and so does a divorced man. It’s not right to hold peoples pasts against them just because they failed at their marriage. It’s not necessarily their marriage they failed at. Sometimes they were never fully in the marriage to begin with. It was their need to impress society instead of themselves that they failed at.
 A lot of people will jump to conclusions about your character when you’re honest about these things. You will learn your friends when you voice your opinions on such subjects. They’re the ones who know you for you – not the ones who try to hurt you for who you’re not to feel better about themselves. Sometimes, I can’t believe I was once so immature in my choice in men, and I looked up to women who settled in marriages for an image as mature and women to take advice from. Inner pain is the worst pain you could ever carry. The older I get the more I want less friends, and more love. Friends will try to turn you into who they want you to be. Love will find you when you’ve accepted who you truly are.

 I speak on marriages both the good side and dark side of it. I don’t need to be married to see both sides. If somebody is not happy in their relationship or marriage. They’re going to find a reason to hate me simply because they’re not happy, and I’ve stayed true to myself. Happy people do not try to hurt others or make up others characters just to protect themselves. People who need a self defense mechanism do. On the other side of toxic marriages and people who married for the wrong reasons there are of course so many wives who married their husbands for the right reasons. These wives are in happy marriages. They’re women who empower other women. They don’t seek out praise or validation. They live and let live because they have faith and trust in their husbands.

Dramatic relationships are very unhealthy. A 40 year old woman should not be being dramatic. When a woman becomes dramatic other women notice her husband simply because she makes it obvious that her husband is not treating her well which enables him to play a victim using her, and other women think they’re coming to rescue her well he fights for them the same way he refuses to fight for her. Some men want a second chance at love and to get it right the second time through. Women do not come into a mans relationship because they’re jealous or can’t have a woman’s man. They come into his relationship because the wife is telling the world she owns the husband, and the husband is basically telling all those women to save him. He often ends up in infidelity and sleeping with them. However, sometimes he realizes they’re no different than his wife and after cheating,  and guilt takes over and he pretends to be a Samaritan and fights to save the marriage. So many women tell girls to leave their cheating boyfriends ; yet condone them when they chase married men who are apparently better. It’s the hypocrisy that nobody listens to.

If women were honest they’d admit they settled with cheating husbands, and worked through their marriage. So who are they to judge a woman who forgives her cheating boyfriend? That’s the problem they do. That’s why women believe all they’re worth sometimes is married men who appear to be the full package. A lot of women have misplaced their feminine energy and started carrying around masculine energy. When looking for a lover be careful about choosing a man just because of the lifestyle the man can provide you. Straight up, you’re telling the man that you’re a gold digger and it’s basically a business relationship. Now when you marry that man in that way. You can’t blame a gold digger for not respecting you when a woman learns that’s the reason you’re with your husband. Like attracts to like.

That man likes you both for the same reason and before marriage he went in a triangle with you, and now after marriage he will go back and fourth between the mistress and the wife. He will only want to be around you both in the phases that feel like a honey moon and constantly avoid you until you stay in that honey moon phase where he knows he has power over you and the upper hand. As women, we really need to stop putting each-other down. A man who has a problem with infidelity will always be happy to see both women in a fight because it makes his cheating that much easier for him. In the end you’re both still losing because the whole time you all are fighting. He is usually looking for a woman who knows nothing about either of you, and that woman is the real threat to the relationship. He will probably fall in love with that one.

People who love and support this drama do it because they want to feel better about their own demons too. You women often complain about what you can’t be and why your life never gets better. All of these things are excuses to not admit your own poor choices in a man, your own poor choices in a husband. Everything is in your mindset. If you think you can find a rich man and use him for a lifestyle to get validation and that somehow things will get better. Well that’s the lifestyle your life will magnify around. The reality is the only thing that will be better is the drama you attract will multiply. How are you going to weather the storm when it multiplies?

Ex Boyfriend in my thoughts

“Oops…I called my ex again last night to see him…” and then I stood him up by falling a sleep. He probably thinks I just bailed. This is why I can’t do nor keep relationships. Thank God for his little mercies. I feel like I got desperate and all I wanted was to have sex with him again. Is this how a man thinks? Am I that lost my brain has turned to where I act and react like a man? I feel like I need to feel loved. I feel like I needed attention. I know if I went back to him ; there’s a high chance I would end up pregnant again. The only thing a man could want in night time dating is a: “booty call.” I want to stay celibate. I want to keep on my halo. The problem is: I’m human. My body has needs. I can know all the right things to wait for. I can know what a good man is. In the end, I’ll still run back to comfort.

 “I’m living like Cinderella…Prince Charming come find me.” I tell myself that daily. I want to give you advice on how to move on from your ex, but how can I, when I still got lost in my ex? I know he’s not coming back for a relationship and the only thing he has to offer me is a situation-ship. Yet I crave it. Yet I crave him. Yet, I hate the drama, but at the same time I’m addicted to it.  I guess he’s my choice of a drug. I’d tell everyone else how toxic and unhealthy it is, but when it comes to myself. All I want is to be in passionate madness with him.

My emotions are taking over my logic. Where is my common sense?

 I know that: “What’s meant to be will always be, and what’s not meant to be will never be.”

Sometimes in life you can love somebody who is gone, you can stay loyal to somebody who is not there.  It’s like you’ve become afraid of happiness, and you’ve settled with mediocrity believing there is no such thing as a happy ending. I guess that’s where I am. How do you heal from the pain? How do you move past the broken heart?

I know I need to accept that the past is gone. I know I need to grow from this experience, and some day be on a page where I can empathize with others in the same situation. I’m in this healing process, and well I am. I got people making up my lifestyle, and it hurts. I’m not dating at all, at night when I turn off the lights. I still go to bed alone.

I meet new men sometimes and they seem like a catch, but in reality they’re just potentials. I don’t know them past the facade. Am I afraid to take a leap of faith? Is my own fear stopping me from loving them? Those are some justifications I’ve heard for why we find a place in our growth process where we no longer let love in. In reality as I’ve healed from the past….my standards in a man have increased. I look at a man now, and I’ve grown and I realize I’m not on his level of games anymore.

 This is when I turn to prayer. This is when I turn to GOD. I can see him pushing me harder and harder to work harder and harder and give the rest to him. When I talk about love these days. I’m not clouded by it. I’m just more realistic towards it. So many people are clouded in an image. The image doesn’t exist. Love will happen in any authentic way. You can’t control it. You can’t force it. It’s all in God’s timing.  You may ask:
“Why do you want your ex back then?”

“Why do you want to run back and sleep with your ex then?”

It’s simple my ex is my last memory. Memories don’t just fade. A lot of times people find a rebound and block out their ex. I’m not blocking my ex out. I’m facing the heartache and facing the heartache is forcing me to heal it. If I were to jump into a new relationship right now. I’d just carry the baggage with him over to that relationship before it’s healed.

  The crazy thing about living in the present is you learn to be logical about the future and you come to accept that fairytales don’t exist. The person I end up with can literally be a divorced person who is currently married now. The list goes on. Taboo right? Part of finding happiness is accepting that the facade is not real, and sometimes the facade is the nightmare. You gotta learn to let go of your ego. You gotta learn to drop your pride. In the end your spouse and you is all you will have. You want to make sure you end up with a person who understands you, not just uses you to show you off. The crowd won’t be there forever. You won’t look young forever.  You gotta make sure you’re connected in your souls.

  The length of a relationship means absolutely nothing on how healthy a couple is together even if that couple is married. Sometimes it just means two people who share the same demons who find comfort in being toxic together. My bible says: “Don’t covet.” You have no clue what lies behind the mask of the picture that is being portrayed. Just breathe. Just live life. I think that when you meet the person you think you’re destined to be with it’s important to be: “Friends first.”

This way you can study them like your favourite piece of artwork and make sure that you complement each-other well. I think it’s important to accept that the person you match with may have a past, but if you have a past too….why does their past matter? Court eachother. If you can relate there’s a chance you’re both in a stage of maturity and can help eachother climb into the next chapter of life. All of life is a growth process. A man is going to change for a woman he truly wants and not because she is fixing him, but because he knows she’s the best he has ever found, and he does it freely. He will fear losing her.  Sometimes you and your ex are going to drift a part and maybe in the future meet again. Life is a journey. You just gotta ride the waves of it.




Would I Marry A Christian Man?

It depends.

I grew up in the faith, but out of all my siblings. I’m pretty much one of the few who stuck in the faith which is pretty ironic.

I discovered freedom away from the faith and even after the freedom. I still returned to the faith.

I’m a praying woman. I think that when you’ve experienced the faith, and the falling from grace. It opens your eyes to see yourself more than others, and you’re more likely to open the door to a non religious person, but once they don’t understand your values. Conflicts arise.

I also think when you open the door to a religious person, they can’t accept the part in your story where you weren’t saved, and often want to change you. I don’t mean just change you. I literally mean change everything about you and make you forget who you are because every part of your story is a part of you period.

It’s a whole contradiction of a way to live.

I will fall in love with who I fall in love with and if you’ve followed my journey to love. You would be shocked to know the type of men I fall for.

Everything you expect from me is everything I’m not. I fall in love for what’s on the inside. ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t believe religion and spirituality has anything to do with it. I don’t fall in love with a man for his walk with God. I fall in love with a man because he sees what’s on the inside. ❤️❤️❤️

The rest is a challenge, but all relationships are a challenge.

It says in the Bible that the two should be equally yolked and in marriage become one flesh. So, I understand how Christians will judge me for my answer.

However, I never once ran around saying: “I’m saved”….nor did I ever feel that church was the best place to find a man.” I think some of the best actors go to church.

There are so many unrealistic expectations people hold me to when they see I read the Bible or go to church or whatever else I do.

I think people misunderstand how humble a person I truly am. I just like reading everyone’s assumptions because I don’t put myself out in a way that says “You have to like me!” I’m actually surprised when people still do.

I think people expect me to be married or something too, and then I’m not, and they wonder why I can’t keep a man.

It’s all these expectations people put on us for how we should be. When they can’t figure it out. They make it up.

I’m just me human…..and I can’t help who I fall in love with even if the rest of the world doesn’t agree with it.

The fact of the matter is some of us are gonna be Angelina Jolie falling for married men unexpectedly and play the second wife, some of us are going to be Michelle Obama the smart girl who married the geek and ended up the president’s wife struggling with infertility as she wrote in her book. Some of us are going to be Hillary Clinton, went to college with our husband who practically cheats on us our whole marriage but we stick with him regardless if the alleged rumours are true. Some of us are going to be Melania not looking for the spotlight just being ourselves and hoping to find a fairytale being a man’s young third wife and a first lady. You get my drift. Nobody plans it. The older you get the more you realize the fairytale doesn’t exist.

I mean we can all live in fantasy with how perfect we all are but in reality this is life. I don’t know who I’ll end up with….maybe the next pastor…maybe your husband. Just being honest.

Can you love more than one person?

Ponder This: I’ve heard people say that they can be in love with 2 people at the same time. What are your thoughts?

Yes. I can love five men at once. I really can.

#1. I can love the fact that this man over here has morals and integrity, but he can’t put it down for me in the bedroom.

#2. I can love the fact that this man over here can put it down for me in the bedroom, but he has no morals and integrity.

#3. I can love the fact that I have a past with this man over here. It’s true what they say about soul-ties. They’re hard to break, but in the same note I can hate this man for the way he treated me in the past.

#4. I can love the fact that I see this man over here in my future, but I can also hate this man for the fact he’s not patient enough for the fact I’m still not over my past.

#5. I can love this last man over here simply because he is the peacemaker in all of my poor decisions in life and in love and in the same note I can send him off to the friendzone.

Every single day we compartmentalize our love for others, and every day we stay loyal and break our own hearts simply because emotionally we’re sending out our love into five different directions and it’s messing up our perspectives in love.

This is when I have to take a step back and say: “Hey all you men after me messing with my head. If I choose one of you. One of you gets hurt.”

Most men seem to like competition though – maybe it’s their ego? It seems rather vain to me. In the end, my mind and my heart go to war and I end up choosing nobody because that’s just the way I am. For a faithful woman. I set myself up for failure in love.

I could end up single for two years and look like I’ve been with five men because of it simply because as women we process things differently than men do – or do we? Men tend to categorize us like she’s my woman I’m having sex with, she’s my future wife, she’s my side-chick. They tend to go in those type of rotations for which they’ve learnt to deal with the saying: “He’s a player.” They sometimes ghost us or they often want to fight for us when they can’t have us.

Us on the other hand, we compartmentalize men emotionally. At the end of the day. I will choose whatever man I’m looking for at that certain point in my life. If what I want is a good sexual partner – I’ll end up choosing a man who gives me good sex. I was watching FAMILY FEUD and one of the questions was “how important is sex in your life out of ten?” and the top answer was 8 out of 10. People do prioritize sex in their relationships. The hurtful realization of choosing a man that way is yes he’ll be drawn to me through the magnet of attraction, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to respect me. As women, as much as we want attention and to be flattered in a relationship, we want to be respected because as I’ve stated, men often put us into categories too. I’ll end up hurt over the situation because what I start to want in my life once I invest into the soul-tie he will no longer want in his. It will become serious for me when it was never that serious to him. As an example that’s why people always say it’s love, but what it really is is what’s in our comfort zone in that moment of time we are in in our lives.

We tend to love aspects of others and when we love aspects of others – we end up choosing men who are like us. We often attract back to us the exact way that we see ourselves. Everybody else becomes unworthy because were only seeing our own brokenness; not the love language a good man may be trying to give us. It’s funny how we all want a great thing or a great catch in the opposite sex until we actually have it. It reminds us how imperfect we actually are and it makes us too insecure to be in the relationship. We become scared of it. We’re all scared of the unknown in general. Sometimes we’re so scared of a good thing, we often settle for toxic loves. We often listen to our friends advice because they just go with whatever we want. They never really think about what’s right for us. They usually think about what’s right for us in their presence. At the end of the day we know toxic love won’t reject us, but we always feel unknown love will. So yes, men and women do tend to love a lot of men and women at once. They really do.

I have come to learn that “LOVE IS PATIENT. LOVE IS LONGSUFFERING.” and we can look at the way we love certain men. It’s like looking in a mirror at ourselves and realizing when we do that what we have isn’t love. How can we truly love somebody else until we’ve learnt to love ourselves? You can’t give love to somebody else you haven’t already given to yourself.

Anytime we see those destructive patterns in our lives. We need to take a break from love and fly solo for a bit while we figure out who we are. If we don’t learn who we are – how will we ever find the right person to match with who we are? How will we ever find a soul-mate who aligns with us?

In life we need to find enough confidence in ourselves to say: “I still love you, but you don’t align with my spirit.”

There is so much heartache in the world. Why do we have to add more to ourselves and to other people? We must study our own weaknesses and learn the strengths in others so we know where we can be helped in love and vice versa. Often times we only see the weaknesses in others and only the thought that we deserve perfection. Many times were quick to throw in the towel in situations that can be resolved simply by outsiders opinions. We need to learn more how when we meet a soulmate we can balance each other out to find harmony in the relationship.

Love is very special and authentic. To love somebody is to love them wholeheartedly and find all those aspects in five different people in one person and one person alone. To love somebody is to love them when you see their flaws, and until somebody loves somebody with their flaws. How can they love? They have not looked in a mirror long enough to see their own, and that’s what love is.

No, I do not believe a person can love more than one person in such a way. They must love in such a way that even when the person let’s their soul open – they will fight to protect them because they love them. People are so protective of their energies as humans we can only really have that type of energy for one person. When a person puts all their energy into you – you’re that person they desire to love. If they didn’t desire to love you – they wouldn’t bother. The best thing you can do for yourself is to dive in, but many people run to aspects of love instead of to love. They then ask: “Why is my love life so dysfunctional?” I feel some people are just afraid of happiness.

My letter to men:

Dear Men,

Find a woman that forces you to grow into a better man. Most of you are looking for a woman who fuels your ego. The older you get the more you’ll realize all women are the same. Some just never show it until a marriage. If you’re not changing into a better man for her. She’s not the one. She’s taking you backwards not forwards. The thing is she’s your future divorce. The one who challenges your growth is the one who knows not to settle for a man not growing.

She’ll be your queen in a marriage.

Why I’m Single

I’m tired of explaining to people why I’m single. I’m single because I had a poor taste in men. I chose men I thought I could fix rather than men who were right for me. I wasn’t confident in myself yet. I was selfish and I didn’t know how to forgive. I thought about myself and not about the fact that it was my decision to date broken men. I dated men who broke me down with them. I take full responsibility for my choices. It takes two to tango.

I am single because I continued on in those destructive patterns until I turned my life back to God. I am no longer in a place of hurt, resentment, or frustration towards the past I can’t change.

I’m more in a place of forgiveness and compassion because I understand how much God has intervened in my life, and how much people in my past still need him to intervene in theirs. I feel that I often wanted to live Godly with Ungodly men, and it never worked out. In the end I would compromise myself, and they would not understand me. We’d clash until we’d break up. It took forgiving myself for my choices to forgive those who hurt me in them. In the end – I made those choices.

I made a choice to love men I knew weren’t ready for love. I made the choice to set a bad example of what love is to those who look up to me and follow me. I failed so many people with my choices in my past. I still rather get up from my falls in life humbly.

I also failed myself.

Today, I’m single because I learned what LOVE is, and I don’t covet anybody else’s definition of love. I understand that we all have our own authentic story to find, to hold, and to blossom. It’s up to GOD who I end up with.

I’m single because I have other priorities and the best form of healing is not looking for love but looking for yourself and who you’re in GOD. I truly believe that when were obedient to GOD first. He comes to bless us with his promises we never saw coming. Looking for love can sometimes just be lust. However, when you do the right things to be loyal to yourself well you’re single – you eventually attract into your life exactly what you are.

We often settle in love because we won’t change ourselves. I learned that and I changed that in myself. If you attract the wrong type of love to you – there is something in you that’s attracting it. I learned that LOVE isn’t the end goal.

We often fall in love with the idea of a person or the idea of love. We forget to fall in love with the person as a whole. We forget to comprehend love as a whole.

Love is an ingredient that GOD decides to give us when he decides were ready for it. Before GOD gives us a YES… we need to learn to accept his NO.

I would rather be with a husband I can allow to feel special than be with a husband who wonders constantly if I’m still in love with my ex. Once I realized that – it became so important to me to learn how to self-love. You can’t give in love love that you haven’t already given to yourself. Broken people break each-other into destructive love patterns.

I’m single because I believe that marriage is truly sacred, and I don’t want to experiment with it for a piece of paper that means nothing except for in Facebook pictures to look like a power couple. I want love that’s real and true.

Patience is a virtue. Blessings come to those who wait!

There are many good people that I might find myself attracted to. Just because somebody appears good doesn’t mean they’re good for me. We can make all the lists in the world on what a good man or a good woman is. In the end it has to fit with who we are and the goals we have in our future.

In the end our mind and heart will still go to war and one of them will always win out. I hope that I end up married to a man my father taught me to look for because the values that are instilled into us are the ones we should carry because our parents always want what’s best for us.

What Is Love?

“Sometimes you have to be cold to be honest in order to stay firm in your morals. People might not always like the harsh truth, but I wouldn’t be true to myself and to others if I just kept watching without speaking up. It’s called sincerity.

You have to look out for those who you see as family. Sometimes they love you. Sometimes they hate you. My father always told me: “If you know you meant well in your heart. God will take care of the rest. You just make sure you do your part. The truth will reveal itself in time.” 

That was a note I wrote in my journal after a bad break up with a man I spent much time with.

I woke up this morning and I asked myself a question we all ponder from time to time. I asked myself: “What is Love?” Is it what we see in the movies? It is the advice of our parents? Is it how we feel when were with somebody special? I like to create myself this illusion that TRUE LOVE is when you can spend 100 years together like the song: “Hundred More Years,” by singer and songwriter Francesca Battistelli. This is a song that melts my heart and makes me believe in happy endings.

These days I more or less listen to Ed Sheeran and his song “Perfect,” as well as his song “Thinking Out Loud.” I think of meeting my husband well we dance to it at our wedding for our first dance. Oh how it lights up my heart with false hope, but it keeps me hopeful for a happy ending. Artists are truly a gift to us creating fantasy in our empty and broken hearts that we long to share with somebody but sometimes fear takes over and so do other peoples opinions.

People say: “Look at that couple over there. They got it so right.” Behind closed doors that couple fights every day. People say: “Love is to be to be like that couple.” The couple they look at in admiration secretly wishes they never got married. They’re just playing a role manipulating and controlling people and their partners to save the image. People say: “I want that love.” They turn a blind eye to the fact that that love is a facade. A facade to keep power, status, friendship, and careers. It’s a love ruled by ego. It’s a love ruled by pride.

People say LOVE is a place to search for happiness, and some type of fairy-tale ending. People say love is a place to put your guard up. They often create a list of a soul-mate that is unattainable. People say that LOVE is to control your partner and to demand perfection. They often just want to tell their friends / family how perfect you are meanwhile behind closed doors they’re crying so many tears because they can’t add up to you or their ideal list.

People say LOVE is to deserve MR. and Mrs. right – whatever is that? People say love is to find a connection, and somebody that you’re compatible with. They say that you must go on a romantic date and all the stars must align sort of similar to astrology. People say that love is those butterflies you feel in your stomach that offer intense feelings. People say that love is sex to show loyalty and that that’s the only person you’re with because you desire them.

These same people never ever even discusses the future. They just lived in the present, and then the future changed. People chase all types of love languages, and always leave more empty than before. Often times people stay in inward misery playing a role for a marriage just to get praise from others, meanwhile feeling negatively about themselves and making their partners feel negative about themselves.

They even say that love is lying just to protect your partners feelings by speaking only positive things to your spouse or significant other but avoiding true honesty and true intimacy. Every single day we wake up this is the love the world wants us to live up to and find. This is the love were taught to change through things like social media and magazines. It’s almost like they teach women it’s important to be skinny or to have a big booty because those are the models that are put on covers to show beauty. Anything else – we are made to believe that something is wrong with us. Were targeted and body shamed.

When we have standards and want authentic love ; were put down. Were called everything that were not and our vulnerabilities are preyed upon. Our past is brought up. Our flaws are no longer hidden. They’re out in the open and were made to believe that were not lovable and nobody would ever want us.

I could take all those bricks that have been thrown at me over the years. I could take all that advice that I never found genuine too. I could cry me a river. I could play me a victim card. I could settle and do what they tell me to do with my heart. I choose instead to search to GOD for all the answers to life’s mystery and find my own philosophy. I choose to take the hurt, the heartache, the betrayal, and the rejection. It strengthens me into becoming the best version of myself. It is all of this facing of my own demons and conquering them that gives me strength to overcome, to stand-still, and to heal.

When you know and understand that there is a higher power who looks out for you. You don’t need to do like everybody else – not even everybody else in the church. If something doesn’t feel right to me and my conscience. I know it’s not from GOD, and I let it go – so what is LOVE?

To many I’m not qualified to answer such a question due to their perceptions on how they want to live their life. I haven given enough logical reasons why I think they’re not qualified to answer the question despite the fact they often hide behind miserable marriages for years faking happiness that makes them look like they are qualified. To me wanting to live their life is misery too. Misery loves company because it supports poor choices that people have settled in and want to be accepted for. Dare to DREAM BIGGER? Dare to WANT MORE?

The bible definition of love says that Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is LONG-SUFFERING. Love keeps no record of wrongs. You can find the rest in 1 Corinthians 13. I think we all know that verse whether we are christian or not. It is the verse that shows us how Jesus loved us that we desire to live up to but can’t. Jesus is God ; therefore he is perfect. We are only human, and imperfect. I don’t think any of us can ever live up to this standard of love. Were emotional. We have bad experiences in our lives. We’ve all made mistakes. We all need forgiveness. So what’s love?

I ask myself that all the time because I hear all the definitions of others, but they pretty much use the word and throw it around. They throw it around to pretend to be loyal, and to create broken hearts not just to others, but also to themselves. They often lead each-other down heart-breaking paths.

Paths where lies are what begin to keep them together, and then one day they catch each-other and wonder what happened. Fights, quarrels, and escalated circumstances. In reality things went wrong since day one due to polished up pretty paintings. Never the truth. The fights often go like this: ” You cheated on me.” or “You lied to me.” Sex is often in place so it’s easy to know their partners weaknesses enough to turn each story into some white lie version of a story that’s believable. Again in the name of protecting their partners feelings to keep the spark seeming real. I have seen even praised pastors live double lives in all the years I’ve spent in churches. Sad truth. Somehow we look up to these things as love and covet them.

For the answer to what love is – I have no answer. Only lessons learnt in heartache. Lessons taught in betrayal. Lessons taught through resentment. Lesson taught through forgiveness.  The 20 year old me would tell you all those things I mentioned were love. The 20 year old me would fight to save every last marriage in the name of the fairy-tale so that I could believe in the magic of the false personas.

The me now has seen so much of reality. I’m so over it – so over the bullshit. Reality ain’t beautiful. Love is what you make it. Love is how you see yourself. That’s my philosophy. The man or the woman you’re on the inside is always going to shine through on the outside. If you see love for the superficial things such as other peoples outside pictures – you will attract the same superficial love that you’re attracted to. It’s a nice painting on the outside. When it’s you and your lover – it’s one ugly story behind closed doors.

In the end were all like magnets, and we attract back to ourselves exactly what we are. Like attracts to like. If you’re attracting those things that create hurt cycles and heartache – there is something inside of you that you need to heal that makes you feel unworthy of the love you feel you deserve. That’s why even though you find a project in a man or a woman to fix – you’re unable to fix them because the person you haven’t began to fix is yourself.

You can’t change anybody else. You can only fix yourself and fix your attractions to find the right love for you. That’s the harsh reality of why so many are broken and do not find a happy ending in love. Yes, even those who are married with spouses they lack communication skills with and try out counselling multiple times that never seems to fix anything and eventually the counselor says: “Get Divorced. Be happy.”

There’s a reason I take my time because I saw all the pride in my elders. I observed beneath the surface before I ever even dared look at the surface. Many times I was hated for being true to myself, made up, and all the rest. I still stayed true to myself anyway.

Last but not least. If I were to give you my final conclusion on Love. I would tell you that LOVE is to be yourself because in marriage your spouse will learn who you are anyway. Men always believe that the woman will never change. Women always reverse in marriage. Women always believe that a man changed for them. Actually, men always go right back to themselves in marriage.

I would tell you that LOVE is to put your flaws on the table, your standards of what you want in the future in the open. I would tell the the present is the moment. The moment will change. Once you’re stuck in the same house, living under the same roof with nowhere to run – you will have a reputation to protect. I would tell if you if a LOVER can’t accept you for all that you are – FORGET THEM. Just kick them to the curb – better now than later. I would tell you that all these people in your past that played with your emotions, broke you down, broke your heart, or hurt you were a true gift. They taught you how to heal and become a better version of yourself to attract better. Don’t win against them by replacing them. Win against them by being okay with being alone.

I would tell you that until you’ve loved yourself alone. You can’t really give into a relationship what you haven’t already given to yourself. What many people do is jump into stuff, and pray that things stay the same, or get better. In the end their husband is having an affair. In the end their wife is spending all their money. Now they gotta tell the world they’re happy. In reality they’re crying tears behind fake smiles trying to get by hiding their true feelings in – so that their spouse stays by them so they can see another anniversary for the world but not for each-other. They know and feel it their hearts that there is no way out and nobody would understand. They fear happiness. They fear to be judged in a world that stereotypes, and expects them to stay together for religion or whatever.

I would tell you don’t wait until it’s too late to be vulnerable. Be vulnerable before you make that proposal. Be vulnerable before you say yes to that beautiful ring. Make sure that you know in tough times you can still bond because when a honeymoon is over ; there will be tough times.

I would tell you that love is a friendship, and that your lover should never ever be your best friend. Best friends snoop. Best friends quarrel. Best friends compete. Best friends act like alphas. Your lover should only be your friend. You have sisters to vent to. You have brothers to go out with. Friends can be honest and talk through the hard days, and the trials. In marriage there needs to be a balance – some type of harmony.

I would tell you that love is to forgive. If you meet somebody who is vulnerable and your friend – there is nothing you can’t grow through together. Love is to support each-other through the worst days, and to create memories and love each-other through the best days. I would tell you that the best people to marry are the ones who have taken responsibility for their actions before getting married. The ones who can admit their fall in each of their past relationships. If they can’t do that, and they’re still blaming their past. They haven’t matured and in the end you will find out their true colours anyway.

So go out and LOVE YOURSELF. You deserve to find eternal joy and a love that fulfills you not just on the outside, but on the inside too. There is somebody for everyone, but we must put the work into ourselves before we can become attracted to it and attract it from somebody else.