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Give God The Glory

Can you feel a shift in the atmosphere? Throughout my life the ones who paid attention to me are the people I would have never believed would even notice my existence. It’s all those people who don’t know me but paid attention when  the rest walked out that taught me: “GOD IS WITH YOU IN EVERY STEP!” Sometimes in life you’re going to get used to being the outcast, the underdog, the one you think nobody cares about, but it’s all to shift you into your purpose.

I believe that when you look into my life you see chapters. Not all the chapters are solid, but you also see growth. I hate failing, and I always feel I need to rise up from the haters, rise up from the nay-sayers. I want everyone I started with to believe in a brighter tomorrow and that is my push-factor. How can they believe that tomorrow is brighter if all I see is darkness? I learned a long time a go to run to GOD, and not to people. Every time a storm comes. Every time I want to give into the hate and run back to the past. I feel a shift in the atmosphere, and I feel GOD keeping me. People often ask me: “Why do you believe in GOD?” They often tell me how he’s not real.

I often wish I could give them some fake answer like most pastors have given me over the years because their egos got involved or they like the aspect of control that leadership has or some other negative thing. They often see themselves as GOD instead of GOD as GOD. The reality is: I have no answer.

It’s just in my heart. It’s just in my faith. I don’t believe that it’s easy to believe in GOD until something happens in your life where all you have is GOD to fall back on. I guess for me that just started early on. The way God has carried me through. I just can’t not believe in him. Every single day of my life people love to remind me of who I was, instead of get to know for who I am. That hurts. It shows they aren’t friends for the right reasons ; nor do they have the right intentions with me.

I’m happy to build myself up against all odds, and all those people who loved seeing me fail. I love building myself up even though they believe I should still be there back in my past and they’re constantly wondering what I have different than them. I can only respond to them and tell them: “I still LOVE YOU, the way you didn’t love me, when I needed you to love me.”

Sometimes you just got to let go of the negative energy, and surround yourself by positive energy. I unfortunately have both. I have people who try to uplift me, and people who I feel need me. I also have people who try to tear me down, people who try to break me. I got strong folks. I got weak folks. I got Godly friends. I got atheist friends. I got superficial GODLY friends. I got friends who rather just live comfortably. I got friends who hurt me. I got friends who heal me. I got friends who hate me. I got friends who love me. You get my drift?

I learned to embrace everybody because were all the same on the inside. Were all just writing a different page of our story. I’ve made my own mistakes too….so who am I to decide what type of person somebody else is? We all mess up sometimes. I dislike that in Christians. Christians who forget that JESUS is about love, forgiveness, and compassion. The devil is about the rest. I think we all need a little more GOD, I think we could all learn to love a little harder. I’m not better than anybody. I have a lot of regrets too. We all do if were honest with ourselves. I just love everybody period. It’s the only way to live right.

Give GOD the glory in all things.

Dealing with Jealous Friends

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10 –

 Have you ever had a friend you thought you were close to, but as you tried to focus on success they started to drift away from you? Have you ever had a friend, and you felt like the only reason they were your friend was because of the man you were dating? Have you ever had a friend who would vent your problems to you, and if you didn’t take their side they turned you into a middle person and the enemy? These are the consequences of a good heart.
 When their life is positive they ignore you, they belittle you, and they put you down as if you’re not enough for them. When their life is negative, they run to you like their only friend, but blame you for all your problems until they go back to being clouded again. They secretly hate you. They secretly admire you. They’re not friends. They’re fans. Fans can love you and fans can hate you but the irony is everything they say about you is an illusion of who they believe that you are so that they can feel better about themselves. Friends know who you are and want to support you to succeed. It’s hypocrisy. These are lessons in life we must learn if we want to get ahead. We can live our life pleasing the crowd, because the crowd will keep us at the stop sign. We’ve gotta learn to drive on our own so that we can see the whole country.

 Some lessons you end up learning are:

#1. Don’t believe people who claim to care just because of who they’re in life. They only care if you play their game. The second you don’t. They make you up to save face with themselves.

# 2. Never stop at the surface. Learn to read beyond it. Those who read the surface end up playing the fool. Anybody can do the right things on the outside. Very few can mean them in their heart.

#3. Never hurt somebody back just because they hurt you. We all have to answer to GOD in the end. It’s not about winning in life. It’s about winning with GOD!

So many people in the world are chasing money. So many people in the world are chasing popularity maybe hoping to become famous. I never thought about wanting fame. I never even liked being in the spotlight. I don’t care to have that type of power over people. Why isn’t anybody ever taught the dream of just being happy? To me I just want to be happy with who I was on the inside at the end of my life. I think a lot of people trade who they’re on the inside just to seek out validation from others.
Sometimes it can lead you to bad circles in friendships and your best friend can often become your number one enemy. Ever watched: “Pretty Woman?” The man met the hooker on the street thinking he was trusting his co-worker and then his co-worker betrayed him when he fell in love with the hooker who he empathized with. Julia Roberts did amazing in that role. There are times in life when you’re going to have to learn to trust God more than you trust your spouse. The world is filled with facades. It’s filled with disloyalty, dishonesty, and betrayal. So many people are out for themselves. I have never seen marriage as some fairy-tale ending like so many I know. I saw it as just settling to impress your friends. I think it’s nice to have pictures saying:

“Oh look at me, I got married young….look back at those brighter days!!!”

I also feel for me that marriage is extremely sacred and not something you settle in just for others to praise you. I would rather not spend 70 years with someone I know I’ll get bored of in 8 years. I guess that makes me a courageous person because I choose to walk away from love. I think it intimidates people when they realize our perspectives on life are different. I have friends who have become enemies myself. They would rather to treat me like a competition than a human being. It’s unfortunate.

Were all people ; each given a different set of strengths and weaknesses. I don’t understand why sometimes we can’t just all be on the same team and balance our talents out with each-other so that we can both find success. I didn’t learn to be independent over night ; as a matter of fact I spent many years in co-dependence. I learned it through overcoming adversity. I think a lot of people get things the easy way and then when you fight for things the hard way. They expect you to allow them to control you, to manipulate you, and then you become passionate and outspoken and you tell them:

“This is my dream!!”

They get mad when you don’t share their dreams with them. They get mad when you start going on a different path than they are on. The nay-saying starts. The gossip starts. Even your best friend will turn you to a cartoon character. The goals you chase they’re afraid to. No matter how hard you fight for your dreams. It’s going to be the people you have the most respect for who do the most to you. They call this the: “Devils Distractions.”

It’s when the devil knows you’re about to make it and makes you feel insecure with fear that you can’t make it.  I think deep down no matter how successful a person is. Deep down there was that fear. I think were all afraid, but if we stay afraid of change, we will miss our blessings. Part of finding success is learning to adapt to change. Stop arguing with the past, and start fighting for your future. Stop hating others, and start asking GOD the reason for this test. Once you do….you will see….it wasn’t fear…it was GOD TESTING.

Every obstacle you go through is GOD preparing you for a greater purpose.




Happy Easter : The Cross

I usually have a Easter Dinner on the Sunday to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ in the form of a feast.  I usually spend Good Friday in reflection mode respecting the story of the crucifixion of Jesus. I’ve spent so many Easter Long weekends in church for as long as I can remember. It’s the story of Jesus and what he did on the cross that is recognized in Christianity as the greatest love of all. I’ve learned through it how to be humble even when life starts to crumble.

I think the story of the cross is a valuable one even if you’re not into Christianity. It teaches many valuable principles. I always feel like Easter is a time for me to build a closer relationship with Jesus, and realize what’s important in life.

I know were all excited for this long weekend. The majority of people are preparing for Easter Egg Hunts with their children, celebrating the Easter Bunny, Going on trips, and eating lots of chocolates. I’ve done all that too. I’ve also participated in trick-or-treating and parties on Halloween although it wasn’t really part of my Christian upbringing. I’ve been on my own faith journey.

I think we all go through a different growth process in our walk with Jesus, and in the end it’s for God to judge. I admire people like Mother Teresa. She created a lot of controversy like many of those in the christian faith. She also built a legacy of what it means to be humble.

Here is my reflection on what it means to be a Christian taken out of my diary:

Dear Diary, 

As a christian. This world is your battleground. You are a warrior for GOD. You are a soldier in a army (God’s army.) You are defeating an even bigger army (Satan’s army.) The earth was cursed by God with sin and death when Eve sinned in the garden of eden. The earth was given to you to tempt you to join the other side. The earth is your temptation to hold onto. The bible was given to be your staff, your sword, and your vessel. Your life was given to be your journey of faith and hope. Your challenge is ministry, and obedience to GOD. Your job is not judgement, but ministry, and prayer. You don’t know whom GOD chose. Sin was created to be so much more fun, and give you an easier life. Standing up for the cross is what you need to do each time sin tempts you. You have no shame in it. If you have a little bit of shame in Jesus, and the cross you must question your intentions. Ask yourself: Why should he have died for you? Answer: He shouldn’t of. Ask yourself: If he died for me… why? Answer: He still did. Answer: Because he is a God of love for those whom he chose. 

There are many people who question themselves every day because they understand the cross. They say: “Jesus, why did you choose me, and if you did, why me?”

 When you can finally ask yourself that question. You understand salvation is not something to find comfort in. You understand that as Ephesians 2:8-9 says it is a gift and only a gift. You don’t need to put on a show for everyone. You just need them to see through your actions and your words where you stand. You need to stand firm in your faith, and your beliefs. Your salvation remains between you and god – not you and people. Everybody made their mistakes, and everybody sins. Sometimes you will slip, but you have to remember to repent. You have to remember to ask forgiveness not just from GOD, but from those whom you hurt. They may hate you, but you must show respect regardless. People may hurt you, and break your heart. You must show respect regardless. You must set the example. The example Christ set for you. 

 They may wonder why you’re being so easy on them, and they may laugh. Remember your past, and Jesus died on the cross, and was easy on you. Remember he gave you the gift you didn’t deserve. If people don’t see your attitude. They won’t see your faith. When you fight for GOD, and God’s army. You will get mocked, spat on, laughed at, hated on. In the back of your head you will remain humble always remembering God’s promise. 

 God’s promise of eternal life, and you will continue to fight for your GOD. If your life is too comfortable. You have stopped fighting. Remember you’re a warrior. When Jesus died on the cross. He died for you so that you could live. So why do you think he would let you have a comfortable life? Get out there and let him lead you exactly where he needs you. He gave his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. His strength is already in you. You must first have faith in yourself so that he can put his faith in you. 

 Remember, it doesn’t matter who hates you. Critics will always be there. As a christian – you have no time to hate because in your heart you know you already have Jesus. 

 ”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart.” (Psalms 51:17) 

I’ve had a busy month working on projects for all sorts of things. I’ve had an emotional month as well. I think having something to keep at the center of your life is so important. I keep Jesus at the center of mine. Happy Easter!!!!

I Am A Dreamer


I was a little girl in the fifth grade growing up trying to find myself. My hair was brunette, and always cut into some hideous mush-room cut. I looked like a little boy. It was so uneven. It was humiliating. I embraced it. My mom wasn’t exactly a hair-stylist, but she gave me home-made hair-cuts. It was all we could afford. I appreciated it.

I never liked dolls. I hated barbies. I liked playing sports in my backyard. I liked playing with toy cars and making them race each-other. I liked playing with marbles. I was a tom-boy. I was so ridiculously weird. This has made my life a little complicated.

You wouldn’t know all that looking at me today. I learned how to become a classy looking lady who embraces make-up, high-heels, and beautiful dresses. I come across women who hate me and judge me for my outside without knowing my inside. I come across men who feel rejected by me and tear me to pieces because I can be so choosy.

It often makes me wonder why people take rejection so harshly when rejection is all I’ve ever known. It’s like I’m a mean person because I don’t want to live in places of hurt I’ve already been. It’s like I’m a mean person because I have empathy and in the end I know I still have to stay loyal to my dreams. It’s like I can never win.

It often brings me right back to that little girl. The little girl who dreamed of the day I’d have friends. The little girl who had none. I remember waking up every day knowing that I was going to school to another day of being bullied. I rarely ever stood up to my bullies. I always took it. I always showed compassion. I always showed forgiveness.

I remember the days I’d go home crying, burying my tears into my pillow cases. I’d open up journals and I’d start writing. I’d wrip up the pages and throw them out. I’d hide out in my books and I’d read. I felt like the characters in the books became my friends. I fell in love with the fantasy world that so many authors created for little girls being bullied like me. There are so many authors who don’t even realize how much of a gift they are for those of us who had to endure bullying.

I read and I read and through my reading I learned about people. I had a dream. I had a vision. I dreamed that one day I’d find my place in the world. I never had nice clothes. I always wore hand-me-downs from my older sister or clothes my mother purchased at a thrift shop. She never had the best taste in fashion. She still instilled into me the attitude of gratitude and what it means to be grateful for what you have. I never got to have the nicest gadgets all the other students in my class always had. There were days I was envious. There were days I was jealous.

I’d always run home: “Mommy, can I have this?”

and she’d always reply: “No, we can’t afford it.”

I was pretty much a loner. The ugly kid in the class. I look back remembering how I was made to feel, and every day of my life that little girl has never left me.

I still remember us setting goals and on those goal sheets the assistant teacher made us write. I remember the assistant teacher got to me and I wrote down: “I want to be an author.” She looked at me and how lonely I felt in the world. She took her red pen and she wrote: “I hope one day I see your name on a book.”

I’ve carried this dream with me throughout my life even when most of the time I think I fail at it. It’s the only thing that ever stays with me. Friends come and friends go. Boyfriends pretend to love me, and boyfriends leave me. I cry sometimes thinking: The world is so unfair.

It’s in those tears I learned to pour my heart out. I never saw myself as a writer. I saw myself as someone with a hobby. It was my way of not dealing with the world. As a little girl. I learned the world could be quite cruel.

I grew up. I got a makeover. I made friends. The friends I made were not genuine. When I got hurt in my teenage years. I wasn’t hurt for being bullied. I was hurt because I was being used. I was a vulnerable spirit living in a world I wasn’t prepared for thinking that once I was noticed the world would be kind to me. The world actually made me feel more empty.

Disappointment after disappointment. Failure after failure. Betrayal after betrayal. Break up after break up. It went on into my young adulthood. I started feeling sorry for myself wondering what I was doing so wrong? I started attracting pain and pain started attracting me. It was my normal.

I found rock bottom. If you’ve been there you know the desperate state you’re in. I just knew in my heart there was a better way of life. I looked for it and never found it. I found a bunch of friends. I wasn’t fulfilled. It’s like I always felt like a part of me was missing. I always felt like I was compromising who I was. I started hearing everybody around me telling me how I was never good enough to be them. It was like I was trapped in a box of other peoples dreams instead of my own. I started to believe the lies. I started to think I need to change myself so they will like me. I realized the harder you try at anything. The more people who will come to break you down. I kept getting broken down. The destructive patterns just wouldn’t stop.

I thought I was able to do it by myself and I had to learn that throughout life we all need teachers. We all need people who will mentor us and show us the ropes. I often thought about the American Dream and running away to Hollywood. I think we all have those dreams sometimes. Hollywood is just the screen. Everything that we become starts with who we already are. It just becomes magnified once we start living in our purpose.

I had to accept that I wasn’t perfect, and that I had fallen down. I fell down into the mentality of playing the victim card. Playing that card always attracts the wrong people. The people who prey on our vulnerabilities. I had to remind myself that the past is not the future. I had to continue on in the girl I already was and embrace her. There are so many things in life that are put there to destroy us, to put fear in us, and we need to know who we are so that who we are is always enough.

Now I know what it means to be a dreamer. It means to live up to people who already been there and allow them to teach you how to grow. It was the day I understood that – I had a different attitude towards everything. The hard part about this different attitude is you look back and you see the people who treat you like you’re a competition, and it’s not a competition. There is a path and a lane for everyone. Sometimes you look back with empathy and other times you move forwards with dignity. I learned you can’t please everyone. People will hate you if you put yourself first. People will hate you if you put yourself last.

That’s never the end goal. The end goal is to fight so hard for your dreams that you’re in a place to give back. You can’t give what you don’t have. I think so many times we try so hard for the image. We forget to create the lifestyle.