Survival Mode


As a child I used to dream about what I would become when I grew up. I remember I collected a lot of stuffed animals. I remember playing with my dollhouse. I remember playing with marbles. I remember the popular gadget at the time was a nano. I remember how we used to drive the teachers and our parents crazy because we would feed our nano. Today, children have fidget spinners. They’re so addicted to them. They learn to do tricks on them or they just spin them around in class until the teacher takes it away. This morning I realized I need a fidget spinner. I need to figure out why children like these things so much.

I went to the store near my house and I bought myself a fidget spinner. I got a green one. I spun it around with my fingers. As I spun it I watched it swirl and I watched it turn. I was like whatever happened to those yo-yo’s we used to play with? I guess they’re not as safe because they come with the string. I guess this toy is much safer. I looked at the layout and how it was built. It was quite a fascinating toy. I thought to myself – let me just keep flicking it. I just kept on flicking it. I went online. It helps children with autism and ADHD apparently. It seems to be a toy ever since those days that has become huge on the market. It just became huge on the market this year. I have no idea if this is just another phase that will pass or this toy will be around for a long time. I said to myself. It can help me with stress. Adults like fidget spinners too.

As I was thinking about all of life’s obstacles that we deal with in adult life. I kept flicking that fidget spinner for inspiration. All the hurt from yesterday suddenly faded into my fascination with that fidget spinner. As I watched it turn I thought about how the world turns. I thought about how we all share this planet together. I thought about the different backgrounds, different cultures, different languages. I thought about how much we dwell in our own environments we forget to understand someone else’s. I thought about everything I wanted to be back then and everything I want to be now. I thought about goals. I thought about ambitions. I thought about dreams. I thought about rock climbing. I thought about positivity. I thought about how cool it would be to make it all into a reality. I then came the conclusion maybe that’s why all the children are so addicted to them because the way it spins it looks like an illusion. It looks like something you can write your own story in. Then I put the fidget spinner down. I went to back to life.

I thought about all the hurt from yesterday. The heartache for standing up for my faith and what I believe in. Standing up for my principles. I thought about the rejection that came afterwards. I had given so much of my energy to this place I almost called a second home for so many years now. I was bitter. I was resentful. I got it in my head that I was special because of how much I had given to the place and not much appreciation for it because I loved the people so much. I loved them so much I’d often put their needs above my own. I was frustrated. We’ve all been there. I expressed it. For expressing something I was no longer special. I felt what it feels to be used and then let go of. Eventually, the man was like I’ll still talk to you and everything else. For the first time in my life. I didn’t really have the words to say. All I could think about was the principles. I thought to myself. You only respect me if I respect your brand but you don’t respect me as a person. It’s like this friendship I had believed existed for so many years suddenly just demolished into an illusion like when I pick up the fidget spinner and flick it. So here I am at my desk flicking the fidget spinner. You all should buy one. It’s really cool.

Life can tear us to pieces in so many ways. Sometimes in ways we don’t see coming. We search so much for all the answers to all of life’s questions. I like the singer Prince. He was always brave in the way he faced obstacles in life. May the legend continue to rest in peace and may his music live on forever. He was never afraid to stand up for who was and he never let anyone change that and in the end that’s what made him. I may leave a place now that I saw as my second home. But I’m not leaving the place. I’m respecting myself enough to walk away and allow myself to grow. Everything hurts before it gets better and that’s the road you gotta take if the road you want to achieve is: SUCCESS!!!! Success is not a dream that happens over night. It’s learning to use life as lessons until you find yourself enjoying your passion and living it and helping and inspiring others through all your experiences. When you get there. Success will find you. You won’t find it!

Irene Mielke

Irene H. Mielke (born May 21) is a writer (ie. content writer, blogger, poet, song writer, ghost writer, soon-to-be-author). She can write just about anything. Her first poem was published in the local Ottawa newspaper at the age of 12. She has had her article featured in a Toronto magazine a few years ago. She has also won top articles for her writing pieces twice. Irene is Canadian. Her roots are of mixed heritages. Irene’s origin consists of German and Indigenous descent. Irene struggled in her teenage years and as a result became a high school drop out. Those were some difficult times. She couch surfed, lived with roommates, and so on. She sometimes slept outside while trying to go to school. It was these experiences that humbled her early in life. She eventually graduated high-school with top grades and went on to pursue higher goals. She loves to read and support others in becoming the best version of themselves. She also loves to go the gym and her favourite sport is soccer.