Philandering Husbands

  If we don’t have regrets. We haven’t grown from our mistakes. I could never date someone who doesn’t look in a mirror at themselves to admit the part they played in a falling out with somebody else. It takes two to tango. With my luck – I’ll end up with a divorced man or a separated man. I know right – definitely not my first dream.  It can become a nuisance when that’s the reality you’ve accepted. Celebrities like Alicia Keys and Steve Harvey and his wife have done it and it turned out well for them.
 People will always try to give advice like: “Oh you’ll be hurt if you’re a mans rebound.”
 I think that’s craziness. I think what I’ll actually be is on the same page as a man for once. I think it’s maturity. I recognize my past and the mistakes I made in relationships so it’s easy for me to empathize with a man who made similar mistakes. You can try at love with somebody who comes without a history, but then you also have to realize you yourself have a history. You can only try to move on so much with men who are committed to misunderstanding you. Part of growth is realizing that relationships work when you can both relate period. The rest of the time the relationship can become unbalanced.

 It hurts me to see the girls men I loved in my past have replaced me with. I feel like the world wants me to see women who took my ex from me as a bad person. How can a woman take an ex from me if a man was never committed to me to begin with, and that’s why he decided to cheat on me? People cheat because they don’t feel committed. They feel that they can still find better. Clearly, the man cheated because he thought those girls were better. I guess I can call them empty women and women who did their best to destroy my family and what I should rightfully of called mine and married into. The crazy part is they accepted the fact that they were more able to relate to a broken man than a whole man. Why can’t I do the same? In the end everything happens for a reason.

Yes, in the end my ex will probably put those women through the same things he put me through. Just like if I end up with a divorced or separated man – chances are he will put me through the same things he put his wife through. Why couldn’t my ex fix it with me? Why couldn’t those husbands who move on fix it with their wives? Sometimes in life people just move forwards and it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. It’s peoples idea of what a perfect picture looks like that makes them think that if it works out for you it will ruin their own perception of what happiness is. Since when is it somebody’s business how somebody else chooses to live?

Divorce is part of life.

 There are so many reasons we make up for why a woman would get involved with a man who was committed before. When I look at the girls who choose to be with my ex. I feel bad for them because somewhere in their life I believe they were broken down so much to the point they thought saving a man was love. I feel like he needed a rebound to show me what I lost and he was able to manipulate them to do everything he wanted them to do….and that’s exactly where he wanted them….believing they were his prize because he chose them over the rest.
 The craziest thing is if he loved me – why would he want to marry them? You see it’s my experiences that taught me how so many people end up with cheating husbands. It’s because of my experiences, I realized a lot of men didn’t marry for love but they married to settle into validation. A lot of women fall for the antics of a player because they seek out the same validation thinking they will change him. It is lust and infatuation and obsession but seldom is it love.
 They end up sleeping with him and once they’re addicted to him they get married and sign a paper just to prove a point. In the end – what they are really seeking is attention from everyone else instead of respect from a man. The reason they choose him is because now that that they’re brainwashed by him – other men no longer take them serious. They will always be a reflection of that man. This is their way of saying “I’m loyal,” but the first person they aren’t loyal to is themselves. If a woman is not loyal to herself – why on earth would a woman think she can change a man to be loyal to her? These type of women believe they can through marriage.
 That’s why even when he cheats they constantly run back to him fighting for his love and heart knowing they’re just rebounds from his ex. They lose their sense of self and identity in him. They no longer know who they are, and the man appreciates the power he has over them because he has not yet matured. These women eventually realize he still misses his ex and they feel threatened and want his ex to hurt because they hurt. Once a man has you where he wants you. He will tell you how much you’re not his ex, and how his exes love was so much better, and so many women try to add up to the ex, even knowing from day one  he was playing them and that’s why they’re willing to hurt the woman he loved to win him because they loved the way he treated his ex, but they never got to know him for him until after marriage.
That’s why it’s a red flag when a man talks down on a woman. Usually a man talks down on a woman because she mattered, and if he can get you to feel sorry for him. He knows he can have power over you, and once sex is compromised he knows he can get you to do whatever he wants knowing he will never love you, but you help him keep a perfect image for society. As women we gotta learn to weed these type of dramatic men out. To me it’s understanding that, and understanding that some men made poor choices in their first marriage and rushed into it with women they didn’t want to marry which makes me empathize with them when they mature and realize they need to set their wives free and rewrite their wrongs in the past. If a man leaves his wife or a wife leaves him. I understand it. I also understand that I deserve a second chance at love and so does a divorced man. It’s not right to hold peoples pasts against them just because they failed at their marriage. It’s not necessarily their marriage they failed at. Sometimes they were never fully in the marriage to begin with. It was their need to impress society instead of themselves that they failed at.
 A lot of people will jump to conclusions about your character when you’re honest about these things. You will learn your friends when you voice your opinions on such subjects. They’re the ones who know you for you – not the ones who try to hurt you for who you’re not to feel better about themselves. Sometimes, I can’t believe I was once so immature in my choice in men, and I looked up to women who settled in marriages for an image as mature and women to take advice from. Inner pain is the worst pain you could ever carry. The older I get the more I want less friends, and more love. Friends will try to turn you into who they want you to be. Love will find you when you’ve accepted who you truly are.

 I speak on marriages both the good side and dark side of it. I don’t need to be married to see both sides. If somebody is not happy in their relationship or marriage. They’re going to find a reason to hate me simply because they’re not happy, and I’ve stayed true to myself. Happy people do not try to hurt others or make up others characters just to protect themselves. People who need a self defense mechanism do. On the other side of toxic marriages and people who married for the wrong reasons there are of course so many wives who married their husbands for the right reasons. These wives are in happy marriages. They’re women who empower other women. They don’t seek out praise or validation. They live and let live because they have faith and trust in their husbands.

Dramatic relationships are very unhealthy. A 40 year old woman should not be being dramatic. When a woman becomes dramatic other women notice her husband simply because she makes it obvious that her husband is not treating her well which enables him to play a victim using her, and other women think they’re coming to rescue her well he fights for them the same way he refuses to fight for her. Some men want a second chance at love and to get it right the second time through. Women do not come into a mans relationship because they’re jealous or can’t have a woman’s man. They come into his relationship because the wife is telling the world she owns the husband, and the husband is basically telling all those women to save him. He often ends up in infidelity and sleeping with them. However, sometimes he realizes they’re no different than his wife and after cheating,  and guilt takes over and he pretends to be a Samaritan and fights to save the marriage. So many women tell girls to leave their cheating boyfriends ; yet condone them when they chase married men who are apparently better. It’s the hypocrisy that nobody listens to.

If women were honest they’d admit they settled with cheating husbands, and worked through their marriage. So who are they to judge a woman who forgives her cheating boyfriend? That’s the problem they do. That’s why women believe all they’re worth sometimes is married men who appear to be the full package. A lot of women have misplaced their feminine energy and started carrying around masculine energy. When looking for a lover be careful about choosing a man just because of the lifestyle the man can provide you. Straight up, you’re telling the man that you’re a gold digger and it’s basically a business relationship. Now when you marry that man in that way. You can’t blame a gold digger for not respecting you when a woman learns that’s the reason you’re with your husband. Like attracts to like.

That man likes you both for the same reason and before marriage he went in a triangle with you, and now after marriage he will go back and fourth between the mistress and the wife. He will only want to be around you both in the phases that feel like a honey moon and constantly avoid you until you stay in that honey moon phase where he knows he has power over you and the upper hand. As women, we really need to stop putting each-other down. A man who has a problem with infidelity will always be happy to see both women in a fight because it makes his cheating that much easier for him. In the end you’re both still losing because the whole time you all are fighting. He is usually looking for a woman who knows nothing about either of you, and that woman is the real threat to the relationship. He will probably fall in love with that one.

People who love and support this drama do it because they want to feel better about their own demons too. You women often complain about what you can’t be and why your life never gets better. All of these things are excuses to not admit your own poor choices in a man, your own poor choices in a husband. Everything is in your mindset. If you think you can find a rich man and use him for a lifestyle to get validation and that somehow things will get better. Well that’s the lifestyle your life will magnify around. The reality is the only thing that will be better is the drama you attract will multiply. How are you going to weather the storm when it multiplies?

Irene Mielke
 

Irene H. Mielke (born May 21) is a writer (ie. content writer, blogger, poet, song writer, ghost writer, soon-to-be-author). She can write just about anything. Her first poem was published in the local Ottawa newspaper at the age of 12. She has had her article featured in a Toronto magazine a few years ago. She has also won top articles for her writing pieces twice. Irene is Canadian. Her roots are of mixed heritages. Irene’s origin consists of German and Indigenous descent. Irene struggled in her teenage years and as a result became a high school drop out. Those were some difficult times. She couch surfed, lived with roommates, and so on. She sometimes slept outside while trying to go to school. It was these experiences that humbled her early in life. She eventually graduated high-school with top grades and went on to pursue higher goals. She loves to read and support others in becoming the best version of themselves. She also loves to go the gym and her favourite sport is soccer.

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