Category Archives for "self-help"

The Woman I Admire: Kate Spade


I look at celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Steve Harvey who found their forever spouse on the third marriage. It’s interesting how when it’s a man we look up to him for advice, but when it’s a woman we shun her due to her family. In reality were only given the cover the media wants us to see ; were not living in their shoes experience life from their perspective. What happened to a world where we could just uplift people into good role-models?

It’s not our place to judge others for their pasts. It’s only our place to help others grow into better people from their pasts. I never understood why so often people tear people a part or break them more when they show their imperfections. It’s like people want to find out the flaws and weaknesses of others and break down anything that’s perfection. In the end does it make anybody feel better? It sort of puts people behind in their own goals. They become so focused on the lives of others instead of the lives of their owns. How is it winning when one is hurting others to win?

It doesn’t matter who somebody is. Everybody has a story. Everybody has a family. Everybody comes from somewhere. Every single person has feelings period. We all cry the same tears at the end of the day. The way we express those tears is just different.

Just this past week it broke my heart to hear about the Fashion Designer Kate Spade committing suicide. Her and her husband were apparently in the process of a divorce after years of success and years of marriage. It makes you realize that money can’t buy happiness – only inward peace can. Happiness is shortlived. Joy is eternal.

She designed hand-bags, and shoes, and other things. She was a aspiration to so many. You never really know what a person is going through on the inside. She had it altogether on the outside. She was everything so many of us young women dream of becoming. She was building her legacy.

She also allegedly suffered from bipolar disorder a long with the late Marilyn Monroe who has become a sex symbol of her era. Such beauty in both women. Such intelligence. Such charisma. Such tragic endings. It makes you realize how much this world needs more compassion in it.

I believe in an almighty God who wants us to seek peace rather than void fillers. The challenge we all must give ourselves is to wake up every day and use our insecurities to help others become confident in themselves. It’s been proven that those who help others live more fulfilling lives. At the end of the day everybody is human.

There are those who get divorced three or four times and they’re frowned upon and shunned. It doesn’t matter whether we agree with someones choices or not. If they’re not hurting us or somebody else. It’s not our business. It’s not our place to judge a path that belongs to somebody else. I think so many people are just trying to fit into the mould of society. It’s often why many lack guidance and fail to make correct decisions the first time. If we all look deep enough into our pasts – we’ve all made our own set of mistakes as well. We should look at those and fix those before we dare try to fix somebody else. The best example we can be to others is a role-model in our own lives.

I also think once somebody is married ; they’re married. I don’t think it’s right to try to help anyone get a divorce. I think we should be helping them nourish the garden they created together called marriage so that if it is their third marriage – they don’t end up in a fourth one. The only difference between those people and those in society is they actually got married. There are so many in society do the same thing they just never get married. They live together and are basically common-law.

I think it’s important to respect somebody who tries to do better. It’s easy to believe that some people will never change, but some people actually do change. When people transform we should leave their past where it belongs. Nobody in the world wants somebody diging into their past so why do so many people dig into the pasts of others? In my opinion anytime we dig into the past of someone else ; it’s more a reflection of ourselves.

We need to learn to be people with good hearts and happy for others who get up. We need to want to see everybody in our lives winning. Marriage is marriage no matter how many times it happens. I hate how people put doubt into a marriage that happens for a third time when they have no clue who a person is. So many people prey on peoples downfalls to feed their own ego.

I think that’s why celebrities are preyed on. Celerbrities cry tears just like you and me. Celebrities make mistakes just like you and me. The only difference between us and them is that the cameras are always on them. The cameras are not always on us. There is no person nor family that is perfect. Each and every last life tells a story – either of growth or of pain. In the end everything were surrounded by has an impact or an influence on us.

I often wonder why we keep watching the Karashians and why they continue to be on reality TV. I realize it’s because they’re humans who are relatable trying to overcome obstacles in the public eye. They get so much scrutiny and they continue to get up because they don’t let people tear them down. They get up as a team as a family. We all have similar flaws to them. The only difference is they show us the stuff we hate in ourselves when we look at them.

I often wonder why Steve Harvey is such a man to look up to. I realize it’s because he’s always been humble about his downfalls. He’s always tried to seek out a more fulfilling ending. He has a beautiful family and finally settled down and married his beautiful third wife. They all share a beautiful blended family together.

Now I sit here writing and tearing because we chase these endings without realizing the struggle that got them all there. We compare ourselves to them wondering why we can’t have the success that they have. I often wonder how many tears are shed behind closed doors that they never allow us to see. I often wonder how many sacrifices were made just to get where they are today.

After this week with the story of Kate Spade. I cry and I shed tears because she was such a sweetheart. She was so creative. She was living the dream. In the end she wasn’t happy.

Whatever you’re doing in your life. Stop and tell the pople in it that you love them. Some people need to hear that more than we think they do! May the legacy of Kate Spade live on. May we always remember the good things about her. May she rest in peace. I say a prayer today for her family.

Escape To Your Dreams


 ”Reflections,” by Christina Aguilera is on top volume blaring through my headphones. I know I’m always listening to old classics every time I sit down to write. It helps me connect with my inner-self, my emotions, and the deepest part of my soul. It’s a song about change. It’s a song about wanting to see a transformation from the us we hideto the us we long to share with the world.

I guess that’s the time of year were at right now as we all walk around saying: “Happy New Year.” It feels like the only appropriate way to greet somebody during this week. We see it like some kind of accomplishment that the years have switched over and were still here.

Many of us have finished several holiday parties. Many of us have finished having several family gatherings. We all got to see people we probably ignore for the rest of the year for whatever reason. We really shouldn’t do that. When you look at peoples regrets in their latter years ; one of their biggest regrets is not spending enough time with their loved ones. I understand life gets in the way. I understand different personality types aren’t always easy. I understand life gets busy. I still believe even the hardest person to love needs love. People do better when they feel loved.

A wise friend of mine once told me: “Irene, all that matters at the end of the day is the people in your life you care about know you cared about them.” It’s true. I think it’s so important to value the people you cherish. I actually saw my sister over the holidays, and she surprised me with a wonderful gift. That gift meant everything to me. I’m very gracious for it.

Many of us have opened gifts over the holidays. Many of us have prayed over Christmas dinners. The celebration time is over. The self-reflection time has begun.

Everybody has been making new year’s resolutions.

“I want to be more successful.”

“I need a better car.”

“I want to lose those 20 lbs.”

“I want to go to the gym more.”

We tell ourselves exactly how were going to achieve our new goal. We toss our old goals out the window. We tell ourselves to leave the past where it belongs. We try to create the impossible out of the future. We start the year out chasing the future only to finish it off dwelling back in the past.

We forget to just enjoy the moment. We forget to meditate in the present and find clarity in the bigger picture.

What’s the bigger picture?

The bigger picture is the dream we constantly tell ourselves we will make happen one day. We put that dream off and push it twenty years into the future. Time doesn’t stop for us and we for some reason stop for time.

We ignore the small steps we need to take to reach it. We walk towards the big steps that lead us right into somebody else’s dream. We complain. We distract ourselves so much inside our comfort zone. We forget to climb out of it and start somewhere.

Why do we do that?

We do it because we allow fear in, doubt in, and insecurity in. We believe in what’s already been done. We lose confidence in ourselves.

challenge you to three things in this new year.

#1. Listen to your inner-voice

Your inner-voice is telling you exactly what you want to do. The people around you are telling you you can’t do it. You’ve probably had these new year’s resolutions for three years now and you keep putting them off because you’re chasing the dreams of the people around you instead of the dreams of your inner-voice.

#2. Don’t make a new’s years resolution

New year’s resolutions were made to be broken. Go back to your dream that has been following you around for three years now. You think about it so much because you want to do it. You want to do it so bad. It will always be there until you do it.

Go back and finish what you started before you start something new. To know you accomplished something that you’ve been dwelling on doing for three years will make you feel more fulfilled than a new years resolution you know you’re going to fail at.

#3. Pick a healthy habit and do it every day.

Success starts from inside and then it shines through on the outside. The way we treat our bodies matters. The way we treat our minds matters. It all creates the energies / auras we carry around that everybody else around us receives.

It doesn’t have to be something big. It could be something so simple. If you like taking walks – take a walk. If you like listening to music – listen to music. Choose every day to do it for fifteen minutes to influence yourself in a positive light.

The goal:

Free your soul. Free your mind. Allow yourself to be at ease with you. Once you are you can truly go into the new year focused, and putting all of your energy into what you really want. I want to see us all start this year motivated and leave it fulfilled. Stop escaping in distractions. Start escaping into your dreams. Were all in a transformation process and the attitude we have during it is going to produce the results at the end of it.



I often find myself sitting in Coffee Shops observing the people around me. They all come from diverse backgrounds, families, and cultures. It’s like a bunch of scenes out of a bunch of different movies. I’m just observing waiting for the drama to unfold. I stare in admiration as the people behind the counters who get paid very little work so hard to make each individuals day.

I think to myself: “Will I ever meet a soul-mate in one of these places?” It’s like an office to me. I can sit at a table solo and just write without anybody judging me for doing so. Do you have a spot like that? The coffee shop is my spot like that.

In the mornings I watch the long line up of people who have to work early shifts. They order coffee to get their caffeine in for the day. They probably didn’t get much sleep. I watch them gulp that coffee down. I watch them walk over to their cars to begin a drive to another long day of work they need to stay awake for. In the afternoons I watch police men and police women stop for bite to eat on their breaks from a stressful day at work. In the evening, I watch University / College students come in with their lap-tops trying to find a quiet place to focus on finishing their essays due the next day. I see all kinds of people that make me feel like I have to do more. They make me feel like I have to do better.

I see best-friends sharing memories over tea. I see new couples getting to know each-other over coffee. I see all of their contentment. I see all of their success. I see all of their happiness. I ask myself: “What do they have that I don’t?” The scenes that surround me in the coffee shop eventually become my insecurities. They become my vulnerabilities. It makes me aware of my failures. I have nobody to tell me: “Be proud of yourself!” or “Be proud of who you are!” These people are strangers. Strangers who appear accomplished. I’m solo with just me and my fears. Fears that I’m a failure. There are many stories in this place and we tend to focus on everybody else’s except for our own.

Although, negativity enters my mind. I’m surrounded by intimidation. I sit there and I find inspiration. Inspiration to make the world a better place. I often order a smoothie to relax my mind as I jot down all the notes. In these notes I write down my goals. It’s a place where we can all feel a sense of belonging.

Do you ever get so caught up in your own failures that you observe other peoples happiness? Do you covet it? Do you ever look up to celebrities with resentment because you don’t think they deserve their success? I know a lot of us like to focus on people like the KARDASHIAN FAMILY and put them down for making it big in this world. The reality is the more we focus on them ; the more we distract ourselves. Do you ever focus on your own failures rather than on producing your own results? Do you ever feel like the world is unfair and unkind? I feel like we all feel that from time to time.

The truth is were all a beautiful mess. Beautifully broken and perfectly flawed. It’s in the mess that we find ourselves. It’s in the mess that we became courageous. It’s in the mess that we find our purpose. After we hit rock-bottom. The growth process begins. Whatever your story is. Don’t ever be afraid to share it. Someone is inspired and uplifted by your story. So embrace your imperfections because they’re what make you relatable. Share your journey because the way you fought to create a better ending gives others hope that they too can find a better ending. Next time you go to a coffee shop remember that were all there going through this gift called life together

Fixing Your Broken Heart


A broken heart can send you into TWO DIRECTIONS.

#1. It can send you into a place you’re spiraling out of control and making bad decisions.

#2. It can send you into heartache that transforms into a healing and growth process.

Has your heart ever been shattered this way? Did you feel strongly towards a woman you saw as your Cinderella? Did you feel so attached to a man you saw as your Prince Charming? Did life let you down in this dream called LOVE? Maybe you were the Knight in Shining Armour? Maybe you were the Damsel in Distress the Knight came to rescue? You and your  significant other planned this happily ever after together. It was happy and then one day it wasn’t.


The honeymoon phase is over. The moment is gone. In the same strike as lightening reality happens.  Faster than you had come prepared. Did you ever reach this point in your love life? Did you ever feel it was time to give up on love? How did you pick up the pieces? How did you start over?

You might of just went through a break up. You might of just went through a divorce. You might be going through a separation. You might feel that you have nowhere to turn and that nobody understands what you could be going through. You have nobody to listen and nobody to hear you.

Every-time you reach out to a friend. They don’t want to hear the drama in your life. They just want to take you out and cheer you up. They don’t respect your feelings nor do they respect your broken heart. On the other note – maybe you’d rather not be a burden. I’m not sure your situation.

What I am sure is that healing takes time and nobody can tell you how long you need to heal. Do what you need to do to heal that broken heart and make it whole again. Everybody heals differently. You might see yourself as weak but the truth is you’re strong because you have a heart that knew how to love.

Imagine the world and how many people are together that don’t really want to be together. You were strong enough to face the world alone. You were strong enough to take the tears and walk your own path into your: CALLING.

I find when life offers you a broken heart. It also offers you a CHOICE. It offers you a choice to work through the pain until you find where you belong or to run backwards and repeat your bad patterns. In the end everything that happens will be a result of that choice.

You’re here and you’re beautiful. What is it you really want to do with your life? Why aren’t you focusing more on that? The truth is love will come and love will go but your gifts are forever. When you learn to fall in love with your passion before you fall in love with a person. You end up with the right person in the long run instead of the person who doesn’t understand you in the temporary. It’s good to love but it’s better to be loved back.

Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not worth it. Don’t ever sell yourself short. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

You Were Made For Greatness!!!

You must have plans to become successful. You must have plans to become great. I know the world’s probably been unfair to you. You spent so many days lonely saving the world. You spent so many nights crying feeling under-appreciated. You try so hard to dedicate your life to something – humanity work, a cause, family, a career. The only thing you ever seem to meet is: failure. You desire so much to have something to fall back on when the world feels against you. You want somebody to just love you for you. You want to feel accepted instead of rejected. The more you give your heart; the more you realize how rare and unique your heart really is.

You feel so misunderstood. You sat at home flicking through the channels on television – didn’t you? You couldn’t find anything to cheer you up. All you found were reminders of the person you’ll never become. Depression took over your life. Tears after tears; nobody sees you. Heartbreak after heartbreak; nobody hears you. You’d rather be isolated than an attention seeker. You’d rather be dedicated than a user. You’re dealing with your blues. You’re too compassionate. You’re too different. You felt you did everything in this life right. What do you keep meeting? Rock Bottom. Everything nobody prepared you for. The good news is this is the story of all successful people destined for something. You should take those tears and stop comparing yourself.

You try to go church; they say pray. God will guide you. God ain’t even guiding them. You go to the world; they say move forwards – leave the negativity behind. Patterns of hurt cycles all around you. The mystery of life has now become your puzzle of confusion. The new philosophy you’re searching for.

You wish you could be a dancer, an athlete, the next wrestler, some type of a champion. Dreams you once had. Dreams faded now to dust. All the successful people you saw as friends; they now treat you as an enemy. Competition. You’re alone in the world. You’re empty. You regroup. Nobody chases after you. You don’t want anybody else’s place. You just want to keep your dignity. The world points out your flaws never noticing theirs. They’re perfect. What are you? Another broken person.

Vulnerabilities. Insecurities. They use them against you. You let it get to you. Their lies suddenly become your truths. Who are you? Maybe they’re right – aren’t they? You thought they were helping you. You found out they were using you. You wonder how disingenuous people get all the praise but your good golden heart always gets taken for granted. You see them winning – well you feel you’re losing. How did you get here? Remember that you’re a fighter, and a conqueror.

Every time we walk outside people judge us and we judge them. Unintentionally. It’s human habit. We always see our own perspectives. We never see the next persons perspective. It’s why lovers always fall a part. Same hearts. Different love languages. It’s why enemies always end up together. The materialistic world sells. The superficial world is what everybody wants. The reality is we all have imperfections and none of us like to see them in ourselves. It’s why people always fall for the ego feed instead of the reality. Fantasy always feels so much better. We never look in the mirror. We always look at others. It’s easier. We compare. We fail to look at the depth of the things that are in front of us. We fail to look at how we reciprocate our energy and conduct ourselves in character. We often look out one window. We look at the window with the beautiful garden. We forget that even houses have several windows. We all see the world differently. We all came from a different place. We need to carry ourselves with empathy.

First Impressions. They speak volumes. We often wish we could trade places with somebody else. Some go as far as double lives. Even triple lives. It’s hard to know who is genuine when you keep your dignity in a world that often feels like it needs a hero. We see the nice houses, the fancy cars, the success stories of those that surround us. It looks like the whole nine yards and a nice picket fence. We envy it. We never look deeper. If we did – we’d realize it’s all air brushed. Photo-shopped. Facades. Some grass only looks greener. The only person we need to grow in is ourselves. We need to become the example of what we think a decent person is. The right people will follow.

Why do we compare ourselves to others so much? We can’t fix the world. We can only fix ourselves. Why do we judge people before we even know them? My question to you is: what is your definition of success? The truth is success doesn’t happen when we cheat our way to it. It happens when we survive all the storms that life sends our way and we grow from each failure. Everybody ends up getting karma in the end depending on the choices they pursue in the moment.

For some people success is fame. For others it’s money. For others it’s keeping a relationship. The list goes on. There are so many people who turn their life into everything one could desire. They lose everything they really need in the process. What will your legacy be at the end of your life? Will it be one you’re proud of? Will you love the person that you were in this life? If you saw your funeral today – who would you be in it? Successful people stop caring what others think about them. They care what those closest to them think of them and they build from there. They don’t go looking for it. It finds them in the end because of who they are. Fall in love with your passion, and never stop falling in love with it. Love it so much that you embrace it with everything that you are and people become better because they know you. That’s the only way to success. In the end your story will be something others relate to once you become the person you never thought you could be. You’ve been that person all a long. You were just focusing your energy in all the wrong places.