Can you love more than one person?

Ponder This: I’ve heard people say that they can be in love with 2 people at the same time. What are your thoughts?

Yes. I can love five men at once. I really can.

#1. I can love the fact that this man over here has morals and integrity, but he can’t put it down for me in the bedroom.

#2. I can love the fact that this man over here can put it down for me in the bedroom, but he has no morals and integrity.

#3. I can love the fact that I have a past with this man over here. It’s true what they say about soul-ties. They’re hard to break, but in the same note I can hate this man for the way he treated me in the past.

#4. I can love the fact that I see this man over here in my future, but I can also hate this man for the fact he’s not patient enough for the fact I’m still not over my past.

#5. I can love this last man over here simply because he is the peacemaker in all of my poor decisions in life and in love and in the same note I can send him off to the friendzone.

Every single day we compartmentalize our love for others, and every day we stay loyal and break our own hearts simply because emotionally were sending out our love into five different directions and it’s messing up our perspectives in love.

This is when I have to take a step back and say: “Hey all you men after me messing with my head. If I choose one of you. One of you gets hurt.”

Most men seem to like competition though – maybe it’s their ego? It seems rather vain to me. In the end my mind and my heart go to war and I end up choosing nobody because that’s just the way I am. For a faithful woman. I set myself up for failure in love.

I could end up single for two years and look like I’ve been with five men because of it simply because as women we process things differently than men do – or do we? Men tend to categorize us like she’s my woman I’m having sex with, she’s my future wife, she’s my side-chick. They tend to go in those type of rotations for which they’ve learnt to deal with the saying: “He’s a player.” They sometimes ghost us or they often want to fight for us when they can’t have us.

Us on the other hand ; we compartmentalize men emotionally. At the end of the day. I will choose whatever man I’m looking for at that certain point in my life. If what I want is a good sexual partner – I’ll end up choosing a man who gives me good sex. I was watching FAMILY FEUD and one of the questions was “how important is sex in your life out of ten?” and the top answer was 8 out of 10. People do prioritize sex in their relationships. The hurtful realization of choosing a man that way is yes he’ll be drawn to me through the magnet of attraction, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to respect me and as women as much as we want attention and to be flattered in a relationship we want to be respected because as I’ve stated men often put us into categories too. I’ll end up hurt over the situation because what I start to want in my life once I invest into the soul-tie he will no longer want in his. It will become serious for me when it was never that serious to him. As an example that’s why people always say it’s love, but what it really is is what’s in our comfort zone in that moment of time we are in in our lives.

We tend to love aspects of others and when we love aspects of others – we end up choosing men who are like us. We often attract back to us the exact way that we see ourselves. Everybody else becomes unworthy because were only seeing our own brokenness ; not the love language a good man may be trying to give us. It’s funny how we all want a great thing or a great catch in the opposite sex until we actually have it. It reminds us how imperfect we actually are and it makes us too insecure to be in the relationship. We become scared of it. Were all scared of the unknown in general. Sometimes were so scared of a good thing ; we often settle for toxic loves. We often listen to our friends advice because they just go with whatever we want. They never really think about what’s right for us. They usually think about what’s right for us in their presence. At the end of the day we know toxic love won’t reject us, but we always feel unknown love will. So yes men and women do tend to love a lot of men and women at once. They really do.

I have come to learn that “LOVE IS PATIENT. LOVE IS LONGSUFFERING.” and we can look at the way we love certain men. It’s like looking in a mirror at ourselves and realizing when we do that what we have isn’t love. How can we truly love somebody else until we’ve learnt to love ourselves? You can’t give love to somebody else you haven’t already given to yourself.

Anytime we see those destructive patterns in our lives. We need to take a break from love and fly solo for a bit while we figure out who we are. If we don’t learn who we are – how will we ever find the right person to match with who we are? How will we ever find a soul-mate who aligns with us?

In life we need to find enough confidence in ourselves to say: “I still love you, but you don’t align with my spirit.”

There is so much heartache in the world. Why do we have to add more to ourselves and to other people? We must study our own weaknesses and learn the strengths in others so we know where we can be helped in love and vice versa. Often times we only see the weaknesses in others and only the thought that we deserve perfection. Many times were quick to throw in the towel in situations that can be resolved simply by outsiders opinions. We need to learn more how when we meet a soulmate we can balance eachother out to find harmony in the relationship.

Love is very special and authentic. To love somebody is to love them wholeheartedly and find all those aspects in five different people in one person and one person alone. To love somebody is to love them when you see their flaws, and until somebody loves somebody with their flaws. How can they love? They have not looked in a mirror long enough to see their own, and that’s what love is.

No, I do not believe a person can love more than one person in such a way. They must love in such a way that even when the person let’s their soul open – they will fight to protect them because they love them. People are so protective of their energies as humans we can only really have that type of energy for one person. When a person puts all their energy into you – you’re that person they desire to love. If they didn’t desire to love you – they wouldn’t bother. The best thing you can do for yourself is to dive in, but many people run to aspects of love instead of to love. They then ask: “Why is my love life so dysfunctional?” I feel some people are just afraid of happiness.

My letter to men:

Dear Men,

Find a woman that forces you to grow into a better man. Most of you are looking for a woman who fuels your ego. The older you get the more you’ll realize all women are the same. Some just never show it until a marriage. If you’re not changing into a better man for her. She’s not the one. She’s taking you backwards not forwards. The thing is she’s your future divorce. The one who challenges your growth is the one who knows not to settle for a man not growing.

She’ll be your queen in a marriage.

Irene Mielke
 

Irene enjoys writing and inspiring everybody that she meets. She has wisdom for days when it comes to life. She loves to read and support others in becoming the best version of themselves. She also loves to go the gym and her favourite sport is soccer.

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