Does anybody ever get a happy ending? Does anybody ever kiss the right frog? Do moments really never happen or only happen once in a life-time? I day dream a lot. I used to day dream and get negative results because I’d never do anything with my day-dreams. I think day-dreaming is just ideas that you haven’t found a way to put together into a goal.
I’ve had the most amazing birthday month I could ever ask for in a million years. I never dreamed of moments like these. I think so many times we focus on taking pictures – we forget to just enjoy the moments. I now understand why people hold events and hire photographers. It’s the memories we’ll look back on in the long-run.
This year so many people made me realize that I’m loved beyond measure. I was overwhelmed by the love that poured into me from everyone. I threw a party for my birthday trying to reconnect with the past, and build a home for those in my present. I realized some people show up and some people don’t. Some people just put you in their past and some people miss you and return like they were just waiting for an invite.
I was a little bit offended by the people who didn’t come without a logical reason. I was wondering why they’re even still in my life – even if at a distance? It felt like fake friendship. I want true friendships – meaningful friendships. Friendships that blossom into forever friendships. I read each and every last birthday message sent to me this month. Tears in my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of joy. Tears of days I was hopeless. Tears of where I am today becoming hopeful.
There were people I haven’t seen in years who showed up. One woman who showed up I hadn’t seen her in ten years. I realize that when the friendship is true – there is no amount of time that can break it. There is always a new day to rebuild a friendship on a new day. I was so glad to be on the path to reconciliation with so many who probably thought I had forgotten them. Sometimes people don’t reach out to us because we don’t reach out to them.
This birthday was a magical one for me filled with everything I love and the people I cared about most were there to share it with me. I cried reading everybodies cards because sometimes a girl doesn’t know how loved she is. I realized how loved I was. There are times we need to know that were loved more than people think we do. I noticed a lot of butterflies on the cards that were given to me. None of those people had any idea what a butterfly meant to me. It means I’m branching out from being a caterpillar which I feel I’ve been for so many years.
I was spoiled and surprised. I just invited people and they showed me what I meant to them and I had no idea. I was so overwhelmed – I didn’t even open my gifts until the day after my party. I must tell you it felt like I should be opening wedding gifts on a wedding day. I had people call my phone and sing to me. That never happened to me before. It was the simple gifts like that that meant the most to me.
The church I go to even sang happy birthday to me and the other May baby that was there. I wasn’t in the sanctuary when they did but they were all so loud I heard it. I never had anybody do that for me before either except when I was a child in elementary school. They made me stand on a chair and sang to me. It was so embarrassing. I’m so glad I didn’t have to do that again.
I met somebody interesting and he seems like a prince charming. He literally saves me time and time again. He has no clue how much I need his saving. I’m always so strong on the outside. I’m always like: “How’s this gonna work out?” I just look into his eyes, and it all works out. Actually, sometimes I don’t even look into his eyes because I don’t want him to know how much I adore him. I’m a little scared of getting hurt. As women we give our hearts to men to ofast and sometimes we don’t give our hearts fast enough. He has no idea how amazing I think he is. He’s more than a tenfold of a blessing – the best person I’ve ever known. I don’t say that lightly.
That was my birthday this year. This was like one of the happiest birthday months of my life. Born in May. Flowers so eloquent. Positive thinking.
I just have one last thing to say…
I forgive the people in my past who hurt me. I just hope they all find courage to forgive themselves. I also learned when times were tough – they weren’t true friends. I rather not look down on them or frown upon them.
You see they tried to weaken me but in the end they strengthened me. They gave me courage and strength to stand alone. They taught me it’s okay to not fit in. They left me with open spaces to pursue my goals and I’m pursuing them. I think there is a perfect timing for everything.
If they had not hurt me. I’d be distracted in the wrong crowds. Instead they showed me their true colours so I could move on to the right crowds and create a brighter day. I now understand what a brighter tomorrow means.
Pain does two things to us depending on our attitude in each circumstance. It either breaks us down or it builds us up. It’s all about how we choose to heal it. I think when we heal things the correct things. The unexpected starts happening. The impossible starts becoming possible. It all starts with what we tell ourselves. Most of the times we tell ourselves it’s just a daydream. Maybe – just maybe – it’s actually a goal.
We let the naysayers in. We forget to realize it’s what makes us happy to do the one thing everybody said we can’t. Don’t wait for someone to tell you where to start. Just start.