Adapting for Success

Adapting for Success


In life we meet many people. In life we have relationships with many people. Some joyful. Some hateful. Some of these relationships we have may include romance. Some of these relationships we have may include those we come into contact with on a career path. We need to be vigilant. We need to protect ourselves. We need to be aware. We need to set boundaries. These boundaries are meant for our peace and our integrity. The ultimate goal is fulfilment. In the process of meeting the goal we must never let anybody put us in a box because fear crept in. We can’t ever let fear stop us from chasing the vision. Oh the confusion of life. How complex.

We are all on a growth process. Life is a beautiful journey. Part of this journey includes chapters and those chapters include learning, and knowing our strengths and our weaknesses. The other part of the journey includes accepting that the world isn’t perfect. It’s filled with people who have flaws. We can either focus on their flaws or find out how we can balance their flaws with our strengths. We need to prepare ourselves for what we may find when we find ourselves out in the world searching for our purpose and living in it.

Narcissists have become one of the most common topics in the dating world and the success world today. People usually refer to someone as a narcissist whenever a relationship doesn’t go the way they wanted it to go. People often refer to people who are so self loving they become successful as narcissists because they weren’t selfless enough for the person calling them a narcissist. To be successful you kind of have to have a mixture of selfless and selfish. I suppose it’s the easiest way for someone who feels like they were in a failed relationship to classify the person they feel failed them. A lot of successful people tend to have traits of narcissism. Does that make them a narcissist? I don’t think so.

I’ve often wondered if it has become more and more common due to social media being so popular. Has social media made it easier to become self-absorbed and desire success more? Does social media cause people to become overly confident? What is the difference between an empath, a narcissist, a sociopath, and a psychopath? Terms to justify misunderstood personalities. It’s so hard to know because on the outside each personality comes across charming but each personality never seems to have a happy ending. What is normal?

Most people claim to be normal or weird or just nice. An empath often has a reputation of ex lovers they can’t keep. Why is it empaths have a hard time maintaining a relationship? The answer is simple. They often fall victims to Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Psychopaths. They do not have enough confidence to choose healthy love. They tend to choose love they see as a project. Once the project is fixed or the partner of the empath has no need for the empath. They tend to move on to something better. This destructive pattern impacts a lot of empaths lives. They often have trouble moving forwards. They often start fearing love. They often start fearing happiness. For the empath life feels like a gift and a curse. They can sense things and see the good in everyone. They forget to protect themselves from the bad. They want to be the saviour. Empaths set themselves up to be taken advantage of and although they know it’s coming. They get so caught up in how much they did that they forget the other person doesn’t feel that perfect. They often cry for months and they often refuse to evaluate how to grow from the pain and choose a more compatible partner. In a way empaths are attracted to pain.

This is a great gift to a narcissist when they need supply. They can read right through an empath and an empath can fix them to look like a hero. Narcissists are people who probably went through a traumatic experience where they had to lie to get out of trouble or something at one point in their lives. They learned to use that experience to fight their way through it and apply the facade to life. They tend to sell a fairytale and a false sense of self. They’re the person you meet for the first time and feel like you’ve known all your life. They know exactly what you want. They know how to make promises they can’t keep. Once you realize it you’re already addicted to the blissfulness of it. Suddenly, they got you in love, and that’s when the mask falls off and they either find a way to use you for supply or they discard you.

Often you’ll fight for them because you’ve never had or met anybody else like them. They were different. They made you feel special. You can’t accept that you miss the memories not the person. They love it because they know they can come back to you anytime they want. You don’t want to let go. You don’t want to move on. That’s the cycle with a narcissist. A lot of narcissists turn out successful but the only way a love relationship will ever work with them is in a use / use situation. You can’t fix somebody because that person won’t change. They will only change as long as it suits them. The second it doesn’t – back to square one. A narcissist doesn’t want love. A narcissist only ever wants the idea of love.

 On a side note: Don’t run around calling somebody a narcissist just because a relationship ended badly. Often times your love languages are just different as well.

Sociopaths are a similar to narcissists as in they’re so charming and magnetic when you first meet them. They could light up light up a room. They could look into your eyes and steal your heart. Key word: Confident. People love confidence. They seem like a prize. You could call them the definition or irresistible. They’re smart. They’re intelligent. They’re mind readers. They can sell you the exact world you want, need, and crave. They’re idolized and worshipped. They seem to have no haters. Everybody wants the perfection they appear to live. It seems so amazing that you miss the trap they’ve set up for you to fall into. On the outside they carry the most normal looking lives.

You will never notice anything until you mention their flaws. If you do happen to mention their flaws. They will show you that they don’t have any flaws and how you’re the one with all the flaws. They make you feel like you’re not good enough so you gotta try harder to add up to their ideal perfection. They have no guilt about it either which makes you feel like they really are as perfect as they claim to be and you’re a wreck beside them who needs them. You try harder because you want to be perfect.

You will literally try so hard to improve these errors in yourself just to please them because you feel special you’re even there in their life. The second they know they have power over you and you won’t do anything about it. That’s the exact same second they use you like they use all the others to keep their perfect image. They don’t think about the past because it’s behind them. They don’t think about the future because it’s too far ahead. They only think about how they feel in the present. They’re impulsive. They’re manipulative. They’re controlling. They will choose their victims wisely. Before you know it you end up defending them and that’s the way they want it. If anything goes bad they will make you the bad one to make themselves the good one because life is a game to them. Moral of sociopath in order to avoid them. Don’t fall for anything that seems too good to be true.

A psychopath is similar to a sociopath but where a sociopath does it in secret a psychopath will do it all in the open. They have very shallow emotions. They will have rage and anger that comes from out of nowhere. So how is it that a psychopath is so obvious but some people fall for them and don’t see it in the beginning? It’s easy to explain a psychopath probably probably bribes people and gives them what they want in the beginning which may seem like protection but eventually that protection turns into violence once a psychopath feels you’re on their team. I think if someone is emotionally abusive to you. You should always leave and a lot of people stay in emotional abuse and allow it to escalate. You should always leave before it escalates. The signs and the red flags are always there.

Now that we’ve explained complicated personalities. Why do so many people fall for it? What’s normal?

People fall for it because they don’t have a positive image of self. They seek out validation instead of growth and self reflection. They put themselves in a box instead of accept that they don’t belong in that box.

Normal is being true to your authentic self. Normal is having a positive self image because the way you feel about yourself is usually the way you end up treating others. The way you end up treating others usually becomes your aura for how others learn to define you. People can’t define you unless you allow them to define you. Speak your truths. Live your goals. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t do something because if it’s your dream. You can do it if it’s a dream that can make humanity better. Go for it. The people who say it can’t be done want you to doubt yourself. They want you to doubt yourself because seeing you fail makes them feel better about the fact they’d never have that confidence. Embrace that confidence.

As you go about life you’re like a magnet. You attract back to yourself the way you feel about yourself. You attract the lifestyle into your life that you focus the most on. It’s important to feel worthy in a humble way. It’s important to feel worthy in a way that gives you strength of character. Those two things are your push factor every step of the way to your goals.

Normal is knowing that you need space to grow so others need the same space to grow. Normal is knowing we need space for healing so others need space for healing. Sometimes we all fall backwards because life ain’t always easy, but without failures we wouldn’t know to find a new approach. Normal is choosing to have the right attitude even when everyone else has the wrong attitude. Somebodys gotta be the bigger person. Are you a leader or a follower? Be a leader because all it takes to be a leader is to go down the road most wouldn’t and eventually someone’s inspired because you did it.

We have to allow love and we have to allow others to be human. We have to have self discipline and we have to be patient in the fact that others grow at their own pace and if we have knowledge we need to create something with it. Normal is having acceptance for diversity without losing integrity. We have to have courage to not put ourselves in situations that will destroy us. We have to have courage to discover ourselves and the world around us. We have to have ethics because we can’t lose our conscience in the process. In the end normal is looking over your life when it’s all said done and saying I’m happy with the person I was. The rest is a learning process.

Irene Mielke

Irene H. Mielke (born May 21) is a writer (ie. content writer, blogger, poet, song writer, ghost writer, soon-to-be-author). She can write just about anything. Her first poem was published in the local Ottawa newspaper at the age of 12. She has had her article featured in a Toronto magazine a few years ago. She has also won top articles for her writing pieces twice. Irene is Canadian. Her roots are of mixed heritages. Irene’s origin consists of German and Indigenous descent. Irene struggled in her teenage years and as a result became a high school drop out. Those were some difficult times. She couch surfed, lived with roommates, and so on. She sometimes slept outside while trying to go to school. It was these experiences that humbled her early in life. She eventually graduated high-school with top grades and went on to pursue higher goals. She loves to read and support others in becoming the best version of themselves. She also loves to go the gym and her favourite sport is soccer.